Healing is Itchy

**This post is a TMI medical post. This is your warning.**

For the first time in Alice's educational career, I am missing Field Day. This makes me so very sad, I've gotten emotional a few times today. BUT I have a very good reason for missing it.

Last Tuesday, I had a hysterectomy. 

Who has two thumbs and no uterus?! 

THIS GIRL!! (points to self)

For years, I have had terrible cycles. Debilitatingly painful, heavy, inconsistent cycles. I have requested surgery and have always been told the same thing - "with your medical history, no doctor is ever going to be willing to do that. Periods are just painful sometimes."

So I've managed with muscle relaxers and heavy pain meds that don't work. I've stayed in bed with the lights off in the only position that doesn't hurt. I've lost sleep due to pain. I've sat with a heating pad for hours hoping to relieve a little bit of the discomfort. 

Nothing helps. But, you know, periods are just painful sometimes.

My yearly visit arrived and I wasn't able to schedule with my usual OB/GYN. My medical system works to where I can pick any doctor available. So by chance and availability, I met Dr. Beasley in December. 

I told her my history and my issues. And for the first time, I had a doctor say "well, let's order an ultrasound and see if there is anything additional going on."

She listened.

I had the ultrasound and was diagnosed with adenomyosis. This can be treated with hormone replacements however, due to my clotting condition, I can't touch a hormone. So, the only other way to fix the problem is surgery. And this doctor looked at all the things, thought about it and said, "since you haven't had a clotting issue in so long, I think we can do that."

Any surgery for me means I have to bridge my clotting medication. I have to switch from my normal medicine to one that stays in my system for less time. I go from pills to two shots to the tummy daily. This bridge happens leading up to the surgery and after the surgery until my INR is up to where it needs to be to be therapeutic. (I'm still taking the shots and they are the lamest part of this process.) 

Because of this - I had to see a hematologist. (If you have been with me for any amount of time, you know my spiritual gift is collecting ologists.) I met with one originally years ago when I moved over to the Kelsey Seybold system. She said their Coumadin Clinic would handle my results and I shouldn't have to see her again. Well, now I had to see her only I didn't want to drive that far. So I met a new hematologist closer to home and she says she wants to actually see me occasionally. I mean, that's fair. 

We scheduled the surgery for a Tuesday knowing I would need to stay the night because my doctor wanted to be able to start my blood thinners again. My mom stayed with me and we had a nice time.

Surgery took a bit longer than planned due to extra scar tissue. Everything went well though and I have had zero issues with the healing process. What ever anesthesia did to keep me from being nauseous - BLESS. THEM. I was up and moving around Tuesday evening with no issues.  

The doctor came by Wednesday to check on me. She showed me pictures of the before and after. Before they started the surgery, they found blood in my abdomen. Because my uterus is the gift that keeps on giving, I started my period two days before surgery - one last gift. She said I had undiagnosed endometriosis and have been bleeding in to my abdomen for some unknown amount of time during my cycles. The colleague she had with her told her it was one of the worst cases she's seen in her 20+ years of doing this. 

That's on brand for me.

I came home and told my Beloved I spent years feeling like I was being overdramatic and that my pain was way worse in my head than in reality.

Because periods are just painful sometimes.

In my years of collecting ologists, I am quick to find a new doctor if I feel like they are not listening. However, I have not been that way with my OB/GYNs because maybe the pain is just bad to me. Had I not ever scheduled an appointment with this doctor, I might not have ever had the validation of knowing something was really wrong. 

I am so thankful for this life improving surgery. For a doctor willing to take the extra step. For an anesthesia team who knew their stuff. For my supportive Beloved who took care of all the things. For my Mom who is my best medical advocate. For my loving village who stepped in to help with Alice. For the same village sending me pictures of Alice today at her very last elementary Field Day. For an abdominal wrap and Tylenol (the good drugs made me itchy because of course they did.) For the two extra drawers we'll now have in the bathroom. For not having two women in the house on their cycles at the same time (this hasn't been an issue yet - but we know it's coming.)

My incisions are healing. My stomach is bruised. I'm a little itchy because the healing process is itchy. My heart is happy.

It wasn't all in my head.

Ladies, if you are hurting and your doctor is diminishing your pain - find a different doctor.

Because periods should not always be that painful sometimes....

Until next time.... 

A ready heart

CAUTION: This is the end of Father Christmas. Keep the small eyes away.

For years, Alice has been asking about Santa. She does this at the most inopportune times usually following the other fictional characters we've slowly unmasked. I wrote about it here.

My response is always the same, "do you really want to know or do you want to sit with it?"

Her response is always, "I'll sit with it."

We know her head knows what her heart isn't ready for.

This year, her heart was ready. 

After we got home from Christmas at my mom's something was said and I asked, "who do you think Santa is?"

She said, "I think you and Dada are Santa." 

The ONLY question she had was if Santa was ever real. We talked about where the idea of Santa came from and she was content with that.

We talked about all her previous gifts and how Uncle Travis, Nana, Aunt Tami and now Aunt Meghan get to stay up and set everything up. We laughed because Daddy's job is to make sure Alice gets to sleep so he is always truly surprised on Christmas morning.

Alice "so when I asked Santa for a Barbie house...."
Me "Santa got the Barbie house she knew would fold up and fit in your messy room."
Her "fair."

She also asked if we kept her letters to Santa and I honestly don't know where they would be if I did. I do have this year's though because it was super last minute and quite cute.

We also discussed the elf. This year I did a few extra things since I knew it would probably be the last year. Her sweet Music teacher made tiny cookie sheet cookies that I left out like Meyers baked for her. She took it to school for lunch and when she told her friends where it came from, her friend Isabella quickly told her friend Alex not to say anything. Bless her heart. 

I also let her know next year, she can move them. 

"Slay." she says. 

"But nothing involving any kind of food!!" - me, clearly seeing the ideas forming.

"Oh man...." 

It was a calm discussion where we laughed and shared the backstage memories. She knows to hold the magic for the younger kids and what a huge responsibility it is because kids deserve the magic of Christmas. Period.

The best part? Because we waited for her heart to listen to her head - no one cried. 

Letting her carry the magic a bit longer until she was ready to let it go didn't hurt her or us.

Christmas next year will be a new kind of magic SHE will get to create. 

And won't that be something!

Until next time....

The 11th Year

Happy birthday, Alice Anne!

Today you are 11. 

That's almost a teenager. Oh my.

Like all the letters before, I'll say it again - this was a big year.

You are still in Taekwondo and currently have an advanced red belt. You got the chance to help with teaching classes. You liked being able to see the young kids you were helping advance. You asked to go to class tonight so you can break a board even though you will do everything you can do to avoid doing that on a regular class day. 

You sang several solos in front of the entire school! This SHOCKED us. You did beautifully. We were so very proud.

We got to visit Disney World and had THE BEST time - just the three of us. You rode ALL of the rollercoasters and got to tell the joke at the Monster's Joke shop. You will probably never ride the Rockin' Rollercoaster ever again but you at least rode it once!

Now you have braces! You have made very little complaints but next week you get additional hardware added and that will probably change...

You were able to spend the summer at the La Porte Parks & Rec summer camp again. You had a ball and made friends. Now you get to see them once a month at their Parent's Night Out.

You have an obsession with creating paper toys. You have a room full of cardboard houses and paper dolls and other items made out of paper, toy stuffing and tape. I don't understand it but you love it.

You started 5th grade. So far it has been a bit of a struggle because you are in a class without your core group of friends. This has been hard and I'm hoping it gets easier. Now that you are in 5th grade, you can join the Drama Club. This is something you've wanted to do since you could read the words "Drama Club" on the posters at school. This brings me so much joy.

This year will be another year for lots of change and growth and discovery. I am so thankful to be a part of it.

Watching you grow up is our greatest honor.

You are loved and supported. 

Your village is mighty. 

We love you.

Happy birthday, bruh.

Love,

Mom & Dad

The 10th Year

Happy birthday, Alice!

Today you are 10!

You have had another huge year.

You joined Taekwondo! I was worried you were going to hate it but you don't. And let me tell you, it has helped you with your confidence so much! 

You mastered your first Starr test! This was huge because you were TERRIFIED. But this silly test doesn't define you and you did great.

You cried on your last day of 3rd grade because change is hard and you are totally a mini-me.

You got to go to summer camp again and tried out Fine Arts camp.

You started 4th grade!

You joined the school's choir and will get to sing at Christmas on Main. 

You ran for Class President. Nicholas won but you handled the loss well. He assigned you the Secretary of Health position which translates to lunch clean up. You are less than thrilled with this title. This is how that conversation went...

You, huffy and scandalized, "MOM! Guess what job Nicholas gave me!"
Me "what?"
You, highly dramatic and extremely offended, "TRASH! He gave me TRASH!"

And I laughed because your delivery is always perfection.

Show them who THE BEST Secretary of Health is, little bitty!! You. Show. Them.

Watching you develop a group of friends has been precious. You spend a lot of time on Facebook Messenger playing games and visiting with them.

We text now. It's hilarious.

You got your ears pierced! You were terrified but committed. And now you have some sparkly hearts in your ears. I didn't realize how grown up they would make you look. I am still adjusting. 

This has also been a year of a lot of change. 

We lost Atticus and that was devastating. He was your very first furry friend and the house still feels empty. 

There has been some changes at home and we've asked you to adjust to a lot. We've had construction and people in and out for months. Right now our home feels really unsettled and not quite ours, but you have handled it well and have been really helpful. We know this is heavy. We've had lots of talks about who is here to support any big feelings you are feeling. 

We know there will be more changes coming and we're attempting to prepare you for those. The thought of growing up is distasteful and you prefer to live in denial. I get it, kid. I get it. 

As you start this next year, I want you to know:
1. You are so unbelievably loved.
2. There is nothing you can do to change that.
3. Your village is large and loud and committed. 

4. We are always proud of you.

Madam Secretary, we wish you the BEST YEAR YET.

We love you so very much,

MommyDaddy (this isn't a typo)