Tuesday, August 26, 2014

My Parenting Fail

The saying "bad moments don't make you a bad mom" repeats over and over again in my head almost every day. And though I try my best, I KNOW I'm going to fail her. I know there will be moments when I instinctively react to something and later decide it was the wrong reaction. I know these moments are coming.

And last night was the first. The first time instincts and fear took over. And I'm pretty sure I traumatized our child. 

So, here goes...

Last night we were sitting on the couch reading 'Brown Bear, Brown Bear' when I feel something land on my neck. (MY! NECK!) I flick the offending something off only to discover it was a huge tree roach that then lands on the baby's leg. 

And I go BERSERK! COMPLETE MELTDOWN!!!! SCREAMING LIKE A BANSHEE!!! 

"IT WAS ON ME!!!! GET IT OFF THE BABY!!!! GET IT OFF THE BABY!!!!!" Full on tears and total meltdown mode. 

I'm screaming, the baby is crying, my Beloved is swatting at Alice attempting to remove the offending evil and the dog is throwing himself on the outside door because apparently His Man is in danger. My Beloved scoops up the terrified child and hugs his HYSTERICAL wife. Between my Nancy Kerrigan "WHY ME?!?!" sobs, he manages to hand me the baby. I ask him if he got it and he says, "I have to find it first. It got away." 

More tears. More shaking. I'm not cut out for this. I can't be having nasty little evil things land on me. It apparently makes me do totally irrational things like throw them at our baby. I can't. 

I just....can't.....

So I'm bouncing a crying baby while attempting to calm my shaking hands as Daniel looks for the creature. He finds it and it does not survive. Take THAT, you nasty thing! 

I then start to ask "where did it come from? WHERE DID IT COME FROM?!?!" My Beloved says he doesn't know and it doesn't matter.

**Insert crazy eyes here.**

I'm not totally convinced it didn't crawl out of the couch and since my husband was totally against my "BURN IT TO THE GROUND!!!" suggestion, he vacuumed the couch for me. 

The baby eventually calmed enough to sit on the newly vacuumed couch with me but I did notice she kept looking up around the room to make sure nothing else was coming our way. Oops. 

As we're getting ready for bed, Daniel notices something under the bed. He moves it out with his foot and jumps a bit. And again - I lose it. It's just too much. It turns out it was only a pacifier but still. My nerves are spent. S.P.E.N.T. 

We go to bed last night and I'm still shaken. Seriously. It's just so very not okay. My Beloved says, "at least it wasn't a cockroach! Those are nasty!"

Hold the phone. 

EVERYTHING in that sentence is WRONG. That sentence SHOULD read "ALL roaches are nasty and deserve nothing but the fires of Hades." Period. 

While I don't want to project my fears on to her, I will DIE if I ever find her playing with a nasty roach. DIE! 

I thought about not posting this story. It's not my most finest moment. And I'm pretty sure throwing a roach on your child might be considered child abuse. 

My friend, Shani, told me it was more like 'self preservation' and she 'needed something to laugh at anyway'.

So here you go. And now I'm all itchy again.....

Until next time.....



Monday, August 25, 2014

23 Months, y'all

I couldn't decide on one picture so this month gets four.

She will be 2 in just a matter of weeks. WEEKS!!! Can you believe?! 

I put her in her '1' shirt because she only has a month left to wear it. And she starts Mother's Day Out next week, we have a Meet the Teacher meeting on Thursday. 

There are moments I'm not ready. Moments I get so nervous and I fretful that I teeter on the edge of saying "NOPE!! Never mind! I was just kidding!!"

But then we have a day where all she wants to do is crawl all over me and I think, "NOPE! We can do this! It's time!" 

And it is. She needs kids and structure and Jesus. ;) 

So the adventure begins....

We had to get her a nap mat for class. I did some internet searching and found some SUPER cute (not so cheap) ones on Etsy. I also found some DIY instructions on Pinterest. I told my Beloved about finding some kinda pricey ones on etsy and he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I go on to tell him I found some DIY instructions on Pinterest and he says, "no! Not happening. How pricey are we talking?" ;)

We found a reasonably priced one on Amazon. I've been putting it in her bed at nap time to help her to adjust to resting on it. It seems to be working!
I have serious doubts she's going to take naps but we have to try!

Hopefully once we get through the next two weeks, I'll get to write more. 

I'm going back to school, that should offer some lovely stories! ;)

Until next time....

Friday, August 8, 2014

New Adventures

We have been totally blessed and fortunate that I've been able to stay home with Alice. We knew it wasn't a forever thing and we are so very thankful we've managed to make it work this long. With her 2nd birthday approaching, we often discuss what I want to go back to work doing. When she starts school, I want to have something to do.

This is how that conversation goes...

My Beloved - So, what do you see yourself doing?
Me - I don't know! I feel like I'm not qualified to do anything anymore.
Him - Well, that's not true. Okay, what do you want from a job?
Me - Well....I don't really want a boss or to get up early. And I NEVER want to drive in Houston traffic. And I don't want to put Alice in daycare because I don't want her to need anyone else but me!! 

And then the tears start and my sweet Beloved says, "okay, so you're not ready. We can talk about this later." 

I'm 30(something) years old and I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up. 

Well that's not true, I do. 

I want to be Alice's mom. I want to be here when she gets home from school. I don't want to stress about who will leave work to pick her up if she gets sick. I don't want to be stuck in traffic stressing about getting to daycare on time. 

I want to be here for her. Always.

But I also want to earn a paycheck. And she isn't earning an allowance yet so she can't pay me. 

A few weeks back I was deleting my one and only TV credit off of our DVR. It's a credit I got for transcribing some interviews for a storm special on KHOU. I did a lot of transcribing in my job at the Rodeo so it's not something foreign to me. That got me thinking - I could do that at home! So I did some searching and jobs in medical transcription kept popping up. I mention this to Daniel who says they offer certification in that at his school. It's a three semester (for full time students) program and since Daniel is an employee at the college, I can take the courses tuition free. Praise the Lord! 

So we discussed it and I looked through the courses and before I knew it, I had applied for college. Again.

I said I would NEVER go back to school. Well, you know what they say.....

It will take me longer because I'm not going full time. But I should be finished by the time she starts school. 

Now, as for Alice. She is at the age where we feel she NEEDS to be around other kids. She longs to talk to them and watch them. And I need baby steps. If the first time she leaves me is the first day of Kindergarten, I might need to be heavily medicated. And by 'might', I obviously mean WILL. So this week we registered her in a Mother's Day Out program at our neighborhood church. 

I'm both extremely excited and totally terrified. But through my doubts, my heart is telling me this is where we need to be.

I debated about sharing. I have this crazy notion I'll jinx things. What if I'm horrible at school? It's been about a minute (more like 11 years) since I've been a student. What if I give up? What if I'm not a cool kid? What if Alice gets kicked out for biting? What if Alice who has never used a word in her life decides to use one of Mommy's not nice words with her teacher the first week?! 

But I decided THAT'S worth sharing too. 

This is my creative, sharing outlet. And I miss it when I don't have time to write. Maybe with Alice in school, I'll have a few extra moments to jot down our new adventures. And surely our adventures will be note worthy! ;)

So, here we go...



Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Month 22...a little late

We put her to bed and she wakes up a foot taller, I swear. 

Little Missy turned 22 months on the 20th. We took the picture then, I promise. 

We've had a VERY busy month and I mean to blog but things always come first.

She has discovered climbing - oh yay! There isn't anything "safe" anymore. She loves to help. She carries small bags in from the car, she will put her jammies in the hamper, I will give her things to throw in the trash. She attempted to help me sweep the other day but that was counterproductive. She will also pick up her toys when told! Sometimes this requires a LOT of drama but she does it! 

It amazes me she'll be 2 in a few months.

I promise I'll attempt to blog about our busy month. We have some new adventures approaching, I hope to blog about those too eventually. 

Right now, it's just a girl and her sheep while the baby naps and the Momma pays some bills, and does the laundry, and knits for a deadline that's next week, and showers, and.....

Now the Momma needs a nap....

Until next time....