Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Good, the Bad, and the Funny

The Good
Daniel and I started a new diet/workout plan last week. And I am SO proud of us! We are determined!

So far the diet hasn't been very hard and the workouts are actually WORKOUTS. They're only 30 minutes and you switch up which you do every day. I loathe the yoga. LOATHE. I lack the grace and balance needed to execute a yoga move. It's my least favorite. 

We're doing really good! Even when Daniel has to go in early, I workout on my own and he does his 30 minutes when he gets home. We're sticking to the diet which is more about portion control and making sure you're eating the right things. We're trying to make smarter, healthier choices. The challenge has been feeding Alice who thinks brown rice and wheat pasta are the worst tricks we ever played on her. The. Worst. 

In just one week, I was down 5lbs!! I was SO excited! I felt better (sore, but better) and I thought I was looking a little thinner too. I was feeling confident until....

The Bad
Sunday we were at mom's house. An old work friend was coming by to pick up a piece of furniture mom didn't need anymore. We haven't seen each other in years and the first words out of her mouth were, "look at that HUGE belly!"

And just like that - all my good feelings were gone. 

"Nope, it's just fat!"

She felt HORRIBLE and I'm not writing this as a form of further punishment. My intent is not to call her out or make her feel worse. My intent is not to question her friendship or to have you do the same. I had a rough day - this is my outlet. She apologized a million times over and I know still feels horrible about it.

I spent the rest of the day in tears. It's amazing to me how quickly I can crumble when it comes to self worth and self image. I'm such a girl.

I KNOW this is a looooooonnnnngggg process and it's not about the weight as much as it is about being healthy. So this morning, I pushed it extra hard. It was an upper body day. I hope Alice doesn't need picking up. ;) 

Now to the Funny
Months ago, someone on Facebook posted a link about getting free finger print safety kits for your kids. This seems like a responsible thing to do so I clicked on it.

In my defense - it didn't look hinky. It even has a police officer!! There's no asterisk leading to the teeny tiny details you can't see! 
They ask the usual stuff - name, phone number, address. And then they ask to set a time to come to your house. Nope. I'm out.

They eventually start calling. I accidentally answered once and they're very persuasive and THEY ALREADY HAVE MY ADDRESS so I set a time and planned to be out. Worked out great! We had dinner out and we didn't have to listen to whatever they were selling.

All was well.

Until I answered the phone again.

We set another time and planned to be out or just have the lights out. I TELL my Beloved, "That dude with the kit is supposed to be by tonight around 7ish so we need to have the lights out and look like we're not home." Him, "okay."

We eat dinner (stuffed bell peppers) and while I'm prepping other food for the week, he goes out to put air in his tires. I look out the garage door and he has the garage door open and the lights are on. I tell him again, "Daniel, that dude might come by! Close the garage door!" Him,"surely he'll call first and won't just come by."

Ten minutes later, "so Luis is outside, I'm just going to go ahead and bring him in."

Hells bells. 

This kid (he was born in 1990 but wishes he was born in the 80's because he likes that 'older music'. We found out LOTS about Luis) comes in through the garage and kitchen and says, "man! Something smells really good!"
Daniel - "we had stuffed bell peppers for dinner."
Him - "they smell delicious! I haven't eaten all day!"
Awkward me = "do you want one?"
Him - "SURE!"

So I fed him. What else was I supposed to do?! 

He didn't even ask what was in it. Who eats food at a stranger-dangers house without asking what's in it?! He knew NOTHING about us! THIS could be how we lure our victims!! Does no one watch Criminal Minds anymore?! 

Turns out he's selling life insurance only he's a talker and my husband is a talker and it takes about 30 minutes for him to get to the point. He goes through his speech about how we're going to die and wouldn't it be horrible if we were a burden on our loved ones. He mentions funeral/cemetery costs. Daniel says, "she doesn't want a funeral or a cemetery." He asks me what I want. I say, "I'm going to be cremated and put in a Bio Urn. They'll bury me somewhere and I'm going to be a tree."

He had no response for this.

He tried to emphasize that anyone of us could be killed or dismembered at any moment. Such a Debbie Downer.

He talked until almost 9:30. I can't even.

We finally said we'd have to think about and showed him out. Yeesh. 

We did get a free "safety" kit although we have to do it ourselves. The ad makes you think a responsible authority figure with years of experience finger printing people is going to help you print your unruly child. Nope. Somehow WE have to figure out how to get an unruly, strong willed child to allow us to roll each finger in ink and press to the paper. One. Finger. At. A. Time. Nope.

I'm never answering the phone again.

Until next time....

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Healthy Smealthy

My Beloved and I are baby-stepping it into losing weight. We're getting up earlier and walking on our exercise machines while we watch Friends. It's totally lame but we need to do something. I don't want to be a sports fitness-wear model. I don't want to be a size two with bulging arm muscles. I just want my pants to zip. I just want to not look like I'm carrying a child. I got asked by my little cousin if I had a baby in my tummy at dinner the other night. Nope, and now I'm going home to drink my feelings. My Beloved says he looks like he's carrying a child too. I told him he would NEVER get asked when his baby is due. Me, on the other hand.....

So we're starting small.

I say baby-stepping because I am so unprepared to do a complete overhaul of our life that I know we will be unsuccessful. So far, Daniel has been such an encourager and has done well at keeping me accountable. And it SUCKS every morning.

Next month we intend to add a diet to our new routine. Yay. Diets are lame. I know people have been successful on the Whole 30 but it just has SO MANY RULES. And what the heck is ghee?! And Weight Watchers has SO MUCH MATH. See, this is why I'm not successful in regards to losing weight.

I told my Beloved we were having baked potatoes for dinner and then followed that with, "baked potatoes are healthy, right?!"

My Beloved - "NO!! It's a huge carb!"

Well, crap.

They're SO YUMMY! 

And I'm TOTALLY irrational (big surprise) and I think if I walk a mile - I should lose a pound. It's simple math. Only I was never good at math. 

I haven't lost anything. I'm pretty sure I've gained a few pounds. I am hungry ALL THE TIME now and I haven't even started a diet!! 

Maybe this was all a bad idea. 

He feels we have attainable goals.

I want to lose weight before Tami's wedding. That's a year. We can do it. We're not trying to lose twenty pounds in a month. We just want to adjust things so we're healthier. We want to be around for a long time with healthier habits and I want to look better in pictures. That's doable, right?!

Now I'm looking for a diet that we can do and be successful at and not fail. I want to eat food. I cannot eat loads of Spinach and I can't even look at Kale. I have to be extremely careful when it comes to my Vitamin K intake to avoid interference with my blood thinner. And I have a 3 year old to feed. I'd rather not have to make two different meals. 

So I'm searching Pinterest - my Beloved LOVES when I say that - and hoping to find something that will work for us.

But right now I just want cake. Lots and lots of cake. 

We were grocery shopping this past weekend and we found ourselves by the ice cream. (Cricecream - as Alice says it.) My Beloved says we should get some and I look at him like he's crazy. "We're talking about losing weight!" 

Him - "Oh yeah! I forgot."

We decided on getting the little cups so Alice could have some occasionally.

I said, "if you come home and find all the cups empty and my face covered in chocolate - I don't want to hear any judgement."

This is not going to be any fun at all. 

Until next time....

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

More of His & Hers

This all started because I found a short, white hair sticking straight up at my forehead this morning. It was long enough and white enough to pass off as Atti's only it was ATTACHED TO MY HEAD. So I did what almost any woman in my place would do - I plucked it. I then proceeded to tell my Beloved that when I have a job again, I'm going to cut and color my hair. It's time. He asked me why I don't just let the grey take over. Ummmmm.......hello?! Alice isn't even in Kindergarten yet! I don't need her teachers asking if I'm her grandma! Nope. It's time to start dying it. I'll let it go when she's in high school. Maybe.

A few minutes later as I'm coloring my eyebrows (they've turned blond. Like, white blond.) I add that I'm going to get my eyebrows done when I'm working again too. My "when I'm working" to-do list is lengthy. I then go on to say maybe I'll just buy a box of color and do it myself and dye my eyebrows at the same time. 

This earns an eye roll. 

My Beloved - "Why would you do that?! Maybe you should have someone who knows what they're doing help."
Me - "Fine! I'll get Tami to help. How hard can it be?! The instructions are on the box!"
Him - "When have you ever been good at reading instructions?"
Me - *evil glare & mock shock because mostly he's right. Okay, fine! He is right.* "Oh wow. We're done talking about this."
He laughs. "Well, it's true!"
Me - "Go make your lunch. I'm going to put something of yours on the floor." (This is how his mature, grown wife has tantrums - she puts something of his on the floor.)
Him - "Just as long as it's not my toothbrush."
Me - "Too late!"
Him - "What?!"
Me - "Just kidding. I barely remember which toothbrush is mine and which is yours. Sometimes I just 'eenie meenie miney moe' it." BIG SMILE! 

I'm not sure what he mumbled after that.

I tell him I'm only kidding. He walks back into the bathroom and says it's easy to tell which is his and which is mine. 

Him - "Mine is the simple one. Yours is the complicated one."

That's the story of our lives, ladies and gentlemen. 

Me - "I'm blogging this."

Until next time......

Sunday, October 11, 2015

The Tale of Two Puzzles

For her birthday, Alice received a Melissa & Doug alphabet puzzle from her Papa and Mawmaw. When we were putting away her new toys the next day, I removed the puzzle from its wrapper and thought it looked a little strange.

Two H's and no N. In all fairness, the N is also blue and ALMOST the same shape as the H. But it still isn't a H. 

I didn't want to bother with returning it to the store. Her grandparents live out of town so having to get the receipt and return the opened puzzle seemed a little exhausting. 

I noticed an email address on the back and thought, what the heck? Why not see if they can send me a new letter. So I took a picture and asked if we could get a N. 

I emailed them Sunday and hadn't heard back by Tuesday so I thought I would try the 1.800 number on the back. 

Again, what's it going to hurt?

I talked to Gretchen who asked me a few product questions and asked for my address and told me they would send me a new one. 

Me - "Can you just send me the N?"
M&D Rep - "That's not something we can do. We're just going to send you a new one."
Me - "Do we need to send this one back?"
M&D Rep - "Nope! It's yours too!"

So she sent me a new one. And it has a N!

I ended up writing the letter N on the back of the second H. Papa is going to sand it down to fit in the N spot and now they'll have a puzzle at their house to play with too. 

The day after I spoke with Gretchen, I did get a call in response to my email. They thanked me for sending a picture and I thanked them for being so willing to be so helpful. 

Alice has a lot of Melissa & Doug toys. Most of her magnets are theirs and now we have a few puzzles. I know they are well-made, decent products and after this encounter with their customer service, I'm even more sold on them. 

Until next time.....