Monday, May 16, 2016

Backyard Shenanigans

You know, we do not live in a particularly rural area and we have a dog that spends quite a bit of time in our backyard. And YET our fenced in area seems to call to all the creatures in the area - "Come! Come and you will make her crazy!"

I do not do nature. And sometimes this house involves WAY TOO MUCH NATURE.

So far since living in this house:
* I have had to break up 3 cat fights (we do not have any cats).
* We've had to save cats from our dog 3 times. One of those times required a call to animal control.
* We have witnessed several birds get taken down by hawks. Several. One on our front porch. While we watched helplessly.
* We've had a turtle 'knock' on our front door. My Beloved relocated it to the bayou behind our house.
* We've had to run off opossums after they've been spotted by the dog.
* We've had a raccoon in our trees in the backyard. 
* There were the rats...
* I had to run a little yippy dog out of our backyard who spent the entire time barking at ME, the homeowner. 

And that brings us to this weekend. 

Friday while my Beloved is getting ready for work, Atticus starts barking at something with dedication. Daniel heads out to the fence line and discovers the offender.

A turtle.

Of all the fence lines in all the neighborhood, this turtle had to pick ours. We assumed with it digging a hole and planting it's back end in it, she was probably laying eggs. Alice was very excited about seeing the turtle. "He's soooo cute!! I wub him!"

We come back in and eat, which only takes 30 minutes, and when we go out to check on her again, she's gone! The hole is covered back up and the turtle has vanished. And it's all my fault because I made Alice go inside the first time. Obviously. 

Now what?! I feel like these potential eggs are our responsibility! Do they need a warming light? I'm googling gestation periods of turtles, which according to the Internet could be anywhere from 60 - 90 days. I can barely remember if I fed the dog. This is not going to work.....

Now let's talk about Saturday....

Daniel had graduation so he was out of the house early. I get up and let the dog out. As I'm looking over things, I notice a dead adolescent opossum on our porch. 

Sweet baby Jesus, why does this keep happening?!?? 

I keep my eye on the dog and as soon as he gets to the porch I open the door and rush him in. Luckily he isn't the most observant and didn't seem to notice it at all. I text my Beloved and send him a picture because it's one of those things that if there wasn't a picture you might be tempted to think it's made up.


From my vantage point (INSIDE), it doesn't look like it's hurt. It looks like it got a third of the way across our back porch, which is not easy for a little dude, and decided, "nope, that was just too much" and keeled over. 

I am positive it was not there the day before, however, it is already attracting flies. 


Daniel calls between ceremonies and as we're talking I mention it's hair looks funny. It's either wet or mangy, I can't tell. He suggests calling Animal Control to check to see if they want to handle it. So I call the weekend non-emergency number and explain what's going on. I ask if that's something they would prefer to handle and she says 'yes ma'am'. Hallelujah. I tell her exactly where it is and how he can get into the backyard. She says the guy has two previous stops and will hit ours last. 


I open the front door to watch for him. I see his truck pull up and I go the bedroom to put on some shoes so I can go out to talk to him. The dog is barking at the truck. I look out and don't see him so I head to the back porch and the dead thing is gone!! I turn around to see the truck drive off. He was like a dead animal scooping Ninja. 

Side observation: This is yet another example of my doubt in Atticus's ability to be a beneficial guard dog. He spent the entire time barking at the set of tires he could see from the front door and completely ignored the shovel carrying man on our back porch. Seriously. 

I appreciate them coming so swiftly, however, I have some questions that would be nice to get answered. How did it die? Should we be concerned? 

What is it about our back porch that screams to the dying animals, "this. This is where I want to die." It's a lot of work to get on our porch!! The lady next door has no challenging obstacles!! Why can't they die there!?!? 

I just can't.

Until next time......

Sunday, May 15, 2016

A Big Girl Room

She has been growing out of her toddler bed for a while now. It would probably work still if she didn't insist upon sleeping with 11 stuffed toys, her Elsa doll, a sippy cup of water, and a set of slippers. But nonetheless, her feet hang out of her baby bed. 

I was folding clothes on the bigger bed in her room and said, "when you're ready, you could move to this bed if you wanted to."

Her reply, "YAY!! I syeep in Aunt Tami's bed tonight!"

Hold up, kid!! I meant, like, in the future. Not like RIGHTNOW! 

But nope. I had said enough. This was happening. 

And that night, she slept in her big girl bed.
I got a little emotional. 

The next day I was trying to brainstorm how to rearrange her room to make it more accommodating. Moving furniture is how I cope. I moved the bed and planned on removing the glider in her room. 

This she would not agree to.

"That's mines rocker!!!!"

Instead she told me to remove the baby bed. 

This I did not handle well. 

I moved things around until it was obvious that the baby bed would have to go. Enter the feelings. ALL. OF. THEM.

Sadness that this is happening so soon. Didn't she just come home yesterday!?
Guilt that she will most likely be the only one to use it. 
Pride that she is growing. 
Sadness that she is growing so fast. 

Okay, mostly it was sadness. 

So when my Beloved got home, he took down a baby bed.
He got a little emotional too. That made me feel a bit better about him finding me ugly crying with her sheep the night before. 

So now she has a big girl room with no baby bed. 

But she's asked to be rocked for a few minutes every night since. So I guess there's still a little of the baby left. 

As emotional as I get that she's growing, we couldn't be more proud of her. But we wouldn't complain if she slowed down a bit either.....

Until next time....

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Welcome to 35

I turned 35 this past weekend. I thought about having a meltdown but I was so sick that I couldn't muster up the drama for an effective tantrum. I know, right. It was bad! Alice missed school the first week of April due to the plague (not really) and then proceeded to pass it to her parents because she's such a loving child and misery loves company. So last week I was absolutely miserable. I couldn't breathe through my nose at all no matter what I took and I still can't really taste anything. We had a wedding to go to on my birthday (the 16th) in Louisiana and I was still unsure by Thursday night if we were going. It was the worst birthday week ever. 

But we rallied and we went and it was fun! Before the wedding we toured the Tabasco factory on Avery Island. It was neat! I have a new found respect for the hot sauce. 

That night we attended my cousin's wedding. Alice was super cranky but we looked simply smashing!
Overall, it was a perfectly lovely birthday. It was no fuss, no pressure, and I discovered my cute new dress has pockets!!! Y'all!! It was like Christmas!! 

And I've thought a lot about being 35. 35 just seems so close to 40 and I cannot imagine 40. At all. There is NO WAY I can be close to 40 - I still don't know how to do my own makeup. But on the other hand, there are some things I do know:

1. I am much more committed to my own opinions and I am working on worrying less about meeting the approval of others. I'm grown. It's time.
2. I am not anywhere near where I thought I would be at 35 but I can't imagine being anywhere else. I am where I should be.
3. I can't blow my nose. It's just.....gross. Nope. 
4. I occasionally say 4-letter words. I didn't start this until much later in life, however breaking the habit has been challenging. 
5. I now have red lipstick! I'm not really sure how to apply it but I have it!! 
6. I will never be over my fear of roaches. Ever. And this is not a fear I have any desire to face or overcome. Period. 
7. I say "I'm sorry" a lot. Like, all the time. For everything. Lately Alice has started saying it too for reasons she has nothing to be sorry for. I do not want this for her. I have to adjust how I speak. 
8. I am 20 pounds lighter than I was last year. I am so very proud of us and how hard we are working to be healthier. 
9. I miss bread.
10. And buttered noodles.
11. I NEVER thought I would like gardening and yet our garden is just so neat! I cooked with basil out of our own garden last night. It was fun! 
12. If I don't want to do something, I just say 'no'. If it doesn't make my heart sing, I'm out. Ain't nobody got time for that. 
13. Friendships are easier now. We're grown and less worried about being better than the other one. Let's just talk and vent and reminisce and laugh. There is no need for added pressure.
14. I still call my mom every day. 
15. It doesn't matter how old I get, I want to see the magic Alice sees. I want her imagination to thrive and her sparkle to never dull. That is my ultimate goal.

And that's what I know for now. 

So I'm just going to pretend 35 is no different than 34 and I'll save the meltdown for next year.

Until then, this is 35.
Until next time......

Monday, March 28, 2016

Adventures in Gardening

I want to want to garden. We've discussed this before. I'm not sure when but I know we have. I love the idea of growing our own food, only I don't like outside. And I want it to be easy.

We have big garden plans for our backyard but there is still some work that needs to be done. A few weeks ago, my grandmother gifted Alice with a teeny tiny garden tool set in its own little 'purse'. She LOVES it. She also LOVES outside. 

So Dada got us a starter garden. The original garden has 1 squash plant, 1 zucchini plant, oregano, and lots of green onions. Alice was SO excited to get to play in the dirt (Lord, be with me.) 

Since then, we've added a container of chives, basil, and thyme. 

When we were out at the livestock show a few weeks ago, she planted three little sunflower seeds that never grew. So while she was at school I replaced them with new seeds. 

And that's our little container garden! 

After we planted our first plants I told my Beloved I was ready to go off the grid except for cable and wifi and indoor plumbing and electricity. He told me he wasn't sure I knew what that meant. I asked if there was an off-off-off the grid, like off-off-off broadway. An 'off-the-grid-light' if you will. He said 'no'. So we're staying plugged in for now. ;)

The morning after we planted our plants I asked my Beloved if we had a squash yet. He told me I might lose my gardening privileges. 

Since I planted my own plants I figured I could make my own bug repellent for said plants. I found a recipe on pinterest and bought a spray bottle and went to work! It was SUPER easy to make! I ran out to spray the garden only the spray bottle wouldn't work. My blood pressure started rising. 

I came in and found a different bottle and trotted back outside. This one didn't work either so I threw it at a tree. Don't worry - this tantrum was done while Alice was in school so she was none the wiser. 

Last week the weather people kept insisting we were going to have horrible, horrible windy rain and I was so very nervous our new plants would drown or be blown away! I moved them to the porch only to have no bad weather. So I put them back in the sun. 

We left for the weekend and when we checked on the plants when we got home, we noticed something had been in the sunflowers. We figured it was a squirrel and now that Atticus was home that wouldn't be a problem. We had one little green flower! ALICE WAS SO EXCITED!!!

This morning my Beloved walked out to check and came back saying we now had 3! YAY!! 

I watched the squirrel all morning. He ran around the tree and even climbed all over the seesaw. I yelled for Atticus to come scare it off. The dog runs into the living room looking around like 'where is the dropped food?'. I tell him to go outside - the squirrel is sitting on the seesaw - he steps out the door, smells the air, and then scratches to get back in. 

Stupid dog.

A few minutes go by and the squirrel is back! I yell for Atticus again only now he knows it's not food related so he's pretending not to hear me. This drives me BANANAS!! 

I open the door and yell at the stupid creature myself.

(Side rant - I dream of a day when the beings in my house that are smaller than me will listen without fail. What a glorious, glorious day that will be!)

We run to the store and after we get back, I head out to check on our sunflower sprouts!


Stupid, stupid, stupid squirrel. 

I'm ranting and raving and yelling at all the furry animals within earshot. I'm yelling at the dog to get the squirrel and he's like, 'where is The Man?' 

Seriously. Shouldn't his instincts be better than that?! U need to send him off to some dog survival school so he relearns how to be a dog! 

So now I'm googling squirrel deterrents on the Internet. I've planted new seeds, relocated the plant, and now everything is covered in cayenne pepper. EVERYTHING! 


Here's hoping this works. 

This garden is no good for my blood pressure. 


Until next time.....