Visits with Dad

Mom and I had some "wedding errands" to run today and on our way home we stopped by the cemetery to "visit" dad. I find it silly people take pilgrimages to a plot of dirt to feel close to their loved one. And mom doesn't feel closer to him, she just likes to go out there and dust off his stone and pick up all the beer bottles left by his motorcycle buddies. They visit him more often, they must have loved him more. :) We dust him off, make jokes and then leave. We don't dwell. We don't plan weekly visits. We don't regularly decorate his plot for the upcoming holiday (seriously, that BAFFLES me). I walk around and look at the other plots and I'm just mesmerized. I'm always fascinated by how people grieve. Tami lost a friend several years ago and every year on her birthday they have a BBQ on her grave site. That just seems strange. Don't they know she's not there? Don't they know she can be wherever they are? I don't get it. But they probably think the fact we don't host massive parties on top of my father is strange too. To each his own. People will do whatever it takes to keep going. Every ritual is just a way to get through. And that's something I have to respect.

My grandmother and I have the "cremation" debate often. I want to be cremated and spread somewhere of importance to me. She however wants to know "where to visit me" and thinks I should be buried in a cemetery like everyone else. So we've reached a compromise: she's going to go first. :) That way she won't have to deal with my "crazy" notions. I'm sure these kinds of conversations are not normal but normality is not something we are familiar with. :)

And as the wedding approaches, the harder it gets. It will be 10 years next year since he died but right now would be a good time for him to be here. The fact that he is missing all of this breaks my heart. The fact that mom will have to go through this alone makes me sad. He should be here darn it! But he's not. So I'll do my crying now and take solace in the fact that somewhere he's watching. And he's proud. I'm thankful his friends will be there on our wedding day to not only to support us but to stand in Daddy's place. And he's going to be so mad he's missing such an awesome party! :)

Thank goodness! I'm only a Mutant!

I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday to go over the results of my genetic tests and it turns out I'm a Mutant!! I have the MTHFR Mutation (Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase) which is some kind of genetic defect that affects about 40% of our population. So I'm not the only Mutant!! Luckily I only have one strand of mutation so it's not as bas as it could be. It will be treated by taking 1000mg of Folic Acid and a baby Aspirin daily until the end of time. I'll have to have occasional blood tests run to make sure all my levels are fine and when we do have children, I will have to go back on the blood thinning shots. SCORE!! :) There is a possibility of passing this problem on to our children so they will eventually need to be tested as well. All in all, I'm totally thrilled to be a Mutant. I'm so thankful it's something that can be treated by vitamins and a good sense of humor.

So I've been thinking. If I could have any Mutant power it would be flight. I HATE traffic and being able to fly to and from in a matter of moments would be super fantastic. To fly through the clouds on my own would be magical!

What are those 12 steps again?

"Hello, my name is Timberley and I have a problem...." I am addicted to checking our registry. I can't seem to stop!!! Every time I'm near a computer I find myself on the BB&B website checking for the "fulfilled" word next to all of our "dream" items. And as if that isn't bad enough, I can't stop editing items either!! I look at things and think "we'll never use that!" and quickly remove it. Or I add items and then immediately regret adding them. I worry nothing will match so I change the colors of things. I fear we will end up with everything we don't need and nothing we do need. It's my new OBSESSION!!! I need a support group! This can't be healthy.

I need 12 steps on how to break the habit and then someone with me at all times to keep my fingers from navigating to the desired pages. Why can't I just be surprised?! I know every present we open before we open it - how sad is that!? Am I the only person to suffer from this addiction? Surely not. Surely somewhere in this world there is another focused bride with the same obsession....I hope.

And if I'm not checking our registries, I'm looking for RSVP's. How long does it take for people to RSVP? Seriously! Planning this wedding has made me realize how weird people are. People invite themselves or decide to bring every relative they have in the state of Texas with them. What is with that?! The lady who cleans the studio at work asked me for an invitation. I don't even know her last name! I know nothing about her but she feels as though we're "family". What?!

Am I selfish brat? Am I being hyper-sensitive and extra crazy? Or is that just REALLY strange?!

Weddings make people do crazy things....

Ok, it has been 10 minutes, must...check...registry!!! :)

I should never be allowed out of the house!

The invitations went out last week. There is no turning back now! :) The countdown clock keeps ticking and the ball is rolling faster. And I find it humorous that something as simple as mailing out wedding invitations could turn in to a story worth reenacting.

How to mail invitations.

The easy way:
1: take stamped envelopes to post office
2: put envelopes in mail slot
3: return home

The Timberley way:
1: take stamped envelopes to post office
2: put envelopes in mail slot
3: get hand STUCK in mail slot because you worry that not all of the invitations made it in to the waiting bucket below the slot
4: seriously contemplate how many people will comment on the YouTube video as soon as it hits the Internet
5: ponder what your mother will tell her friends when they watch the entire fire department "freeing" you on the evening news
6: realize this is going in the "another example she's crazy" column for your boss
7: FINALLY, quietly free your very bruised hand after several silent hysterical moments
8: return home and reenact your typical Timberley moment for all to enjoy

Nothing is easy and nothing is simple. These moments remind me that I should probably spend my days heavily supervised. :)