Total Chaos

It's always when my Beloved is at work....

To know me is to understand I have an irrational fear of roaches. I become completely unhinged if I even think there is one nearby. It's unhealthy and I have no intention of changing - I am who I am.

Now to my living nightmare....

Thursday evening as I was eating the last of my dinner, a roach crawls out from under my Beloved's chair and creeps behind our living room bench and I swear it's the size of a Corgi. Usually at this time of day, my beloved husband is home to handle such a crisis. Not THIS night though. This night he has a late event he has to help with.

I did NOT panic! I finished the last few bites and then ran to my room screaming "Alice, stay in your room - there's a roach in the living room!"

From my bed, Alice and I are screaming to each other about what we should do. It's decided that we should abandon the house. It's no longer safe. We decide to go to Taekwondo. I tell her to brush her teeth. She runs to her bathroom to speed through teeth brushing.

And then...the roach enters the hall and turns towards me as if to say, "hey girl, what's up?" Sir. We. Are. Not. Friends.

I scream "ALICE!! IT'S IN THE HALL!!!!!"

She screams and runs to our room. 

Our unwelcome visitor makes its way to Alice's doorway, looks in the room and proceeds to move down the hall.

Now I panic. After checking out Alice's bathroom, it walks DIRECTLY TO MY ROOM.

It's the roach version of Goldilocks. 

The nasty intruder steps foot in my room to all the screaming, decides this is not the vibe he's looking for and turns around.

I get a moment of bravery and decide I can kill it. I'm a grown person. It's just a bug. Alice throws a flyswatter out of our bathroom,; I take a few deep breaths and I head down the hall.

By this time, it has made its way to our back bedroom doorway. I bravely get close enough to hit it - only I miss because grace is not a spiritual gift I was given. I was given the gift of calamity. 

I turn to run, trip over my comfy house shoes and hit the floor....hard. So. Hard.

I crawl back to my room and throw myself on the bed. Alice offers to call 911 from the bathroom.

This is it. I am done.

I tell her we're leaving. She grabs a shoe; I have the flyswatter - and we run.

Every light in the house is on, there are shoes and large throwing objects spread throughout the house - I don't care, I walk away from all of it.

Alice in the car "where did it come from?!?"
Me "The gates of Hell!"

Alice does her TKD class and when she's done, my Beloved still isn't home.

Alice "okay, let's go to Walmart and spend money", because she is MY child, and this is how we heal.

Instead, we decided ice cream can fix it.

We get home and remain in the car until I can no longer take it. I walk through the house and our nasty bestie isn't anywhere I can see. I make Alice get out and we pile on to one spot on the couch while she sobs in fear, and I eat my well-earned Blizzard.

And that's how my Beloved finds us once he finally gets home. 

Her sobbing and me trying to watch First Daughter on Netflix.

Bless.

Did we handle it the best way possible? Probably not.

Did we make Dada look until he found the dead beast? ABSOLUTELY!

Is the right side of my body bruised? Yes. Yes, it is. 

My dominant elbow I spend a lot of time leaning on? Bruised. I am living with my discomfort and taking it as a lesson in what not to do next time.

Next time I will immediately leave the house and go shopping...

This is the way.

Until next time.....