Yay Day!

 There are two things that contribute to this story.

1. Alice is ready for a dog. She has been BEGGING for a new dog for MONTHS. Every time she sees a dog or hears the word dog or passes the dog aisle at any store. She. Wants. A. Dog.

2. Surgery recovery means no "intimate" situations allowed until cleared by the doctor which is usually at the six weeks mark. My Beloved being the funny man that he is counted six weeks on our kitchen calendar and wrote "Yay Day!" It should be noted this is a calendar that Alice has never paid attention to a day in her entire life.

Now to the story.

A few nights ago, Alice comes running in to our room all excited.

Alice "MOM! Why did you write Yay Day on National Adopt a Shelter Pet day!?? Does that mean we're getting a dog?!?"

And I immediately start laughing and say, "Daddy, Alice wants to know why you wrote Yay Day on National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day?!"

This is his doing, let him handle it.

Him...."I wrote that because that's the date Momma is supposed to be completely healed and can get back to her normal routine."

Me "Yes, that's the day I can move my weighted blanket all on my own." (I'm not supposed to lift anything over 10 lbs.)

Her disappointment was palpable. 

The date has a paw print on it, for crying out loud.

The next day we're in the car when Alice announces from the back seat, "I told Mrs. Ashby about 'Yay Day'."

Lovely.....just lovely.

Me "What exactly did you tell her?"

Alice, to me "I told her you wrote that on the calendar."

Me "No! DADDY wrote that!"

Him "I'm not sure that matters at this point."

Me "Did you tell her what kind of surgery I had?!"

Her "No, she didn't ask."

I have read ZERO parenting books but I am confident this kind of situation isn't in there.

And I know what you're thinking, "I know what you will be doing that day!!" 

NOPE!!!! My post op check is at an undisclosed later date so Yay Date will not happen on National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day. We will also not be adopting a shelter pet on National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day either. 

So, boom! 

Until next time.....

A ready heart

CAUTION: This is the end of Father Christmas. Keep the small eyes away.

For years, Alice has been asking about Santa. She does this at the most inopportune times usually following the other fictional characters we've slowly unmasked. I wrote about it here.

My response is always the same, "do you really want to know or do you want to sit with it?"

Her response is always, "I'll sit with it."

We know her head knows what her heart isn't ready for.

This year, her heart was ready. 

After we got home from Christmas at my mom's something was said and I asked, "who do you think Santa is?"

She said, "I think you and Dada are Santa." 

The ONLY question she had was if Santa was ever real. We talked about where the idea of Santa came from and she was content with that.

We talked about all her previous gifts and how Uncle Travis, Nana, Aunt Tami and now Aunt Meghan get to stay up and set everything up. We laughed because Daddy's job is to make sure Alice gets to sleep so he is always truly surprised on Christmas morning.

Alice "so when I asked Santa for a Barbie house...."
Me "Santa got the Barbie house she knew would fold up and fit in your messy room."
Her "fair."

She also asked if we kept her letters to Santa and I honestly don't know where they would be if I did. I do have this year's though because it was super last minute and quite cute.

We also discussed the elf. This year I did a few extra things since I knew it would probably be the last year. Her sweet Music teacher made tiny cookie sheet cookies that I left out like Meyers baked for her. She took it to school for lunch and when she told her friends where it came from, her friend Isabella quickly told her friend Alex not to say anything. Bless her heart. 

I also let her know next year, she can move them. 

"Slay." she says. 

"But nothing involving any kind of food!!" - me, clearly seeing the ideas forming.

"Oh man...." 

It was a calm discussion where we laughed and shared the backstage memories. She knows to hold the magic for the younger kids and what a huge responsibility it is because kids deserve the magic of Christmas. Period.

The best part? Because we waited for her heart to listen to her head - no one cried. 

Letting her carry the magic a bit longer until she was ready to let it go didn't hurt her or us.

Christmas next year will be a new kind of magic SHE will get to create. 

And won't that be something!

Until next time....

Into the Wild

Well, I decided to attempt to do something fun for Spring Break and that's how most hot mess stories start. 

Bless it be. 

I chose the zoo. I thought, it's outside and you can only buy tickets online at certain time slots which must mean they are limiting how many they sold. Foolish, foolish me. I thought this was a safe choice. 

We have not done anything in a large crowd in a year and instead of easing in to it - we joined 8 million other people in Hermann Park. This is what happens when the weather is gorgeous and we're not in a pandemic. Only we're in a pandemic but no one wants to be in one anymore so we're pretending like we're not and EVERY ONE was there. Together. Outside. To-ge-ther.

Me = Freak. Mode. 

Our tickets were for 2pm-3pm. This means you have to enter the Zoo at that time. No sooner, no later. We arrive with almost half an hour to spare only with 8 million people, there is no parking. None. Zero. Zilch. 

We circle the entire area once and only once because by the time we make it back to the entrance of Hermann Park - they've closed the road to traffic due to no parking options. 

This is 1:45ish now. 

I'm immediately defeated because that's my automatic Go To response for such stuff. 

I happen to know mom is on her way to work so I call her to check on the Light Rail by her hospital. We end up meeting her at work and she offers to drop us off at the zoo. Bless her. She is the best. 

I am still in defeated freak mode. They're not going to let us in. All will be lost. I've ruined Spring Break.

We get out on the side of the road on Fannin and scamper through the park. We arrive at the zoo at 3:08. My Beloved asks if we can still get and they say yes. All is saved! 

And then we enter the park full of people wearing masks and standing way to close to each other. I spent the entire 3 hours saying "don't touch that. here's some hand sanitizer." Freak. Mode. 

The Houston Zoo is doing the best they can to keep us respectfully apart. They are limiting the number of people in the building exhibits so we did have to wait in line to see the bugs but they had lines drawn because humans are dumb and we can't tell 6 feet apart unless we're shown. We also stopped to eat a quick snack INSIDE. It was a weird time of day so there was only one other family inside which means we could stay on opposite sides of the place which feels safer. This was the first time we have eaten inside a restaurant in over year. It has been such a strange time.

We have not been to the zoo since the Kindergarten Field Trip that was also very much worth blogging about and a lot has changed. I feel like the Zoo has done a fantastic job with their renovations. It was an absolutely beautiful day and we got to see a lot of animals. 

You get to walk under this guy now which is both totally awesome and a little intimidating because he looked like he was trying really hard to find his way out. 

At the end of the day we had to figure out how to get back to our car. This meant we got to have a Light Rail adventure. We walked back through Hermann Park and caught the rail in the medical center. This might have been Alice's favorite part. It only cost us $3.25 and will probably be the only way we go to the zoo ever again. We will park at the park and ride and ride it in. Or just ride it for the three hours the ticket is good for and see all of Downtown Houston. 

Alice had fun seeing the animals. We had an adventure. The weather was lovely. We made memories. We survived. 

And we will never attempt this during Spring Break again. 

Until next time..... here's some cute animals - 

To Kill a Betta Fish

In Memory of Blueberry Christie

Yesterday we had to Google "how to humanely euthanize a fish."

In case you were wondering how we were spending the new year - that's where we're at.

Our Betta Blueberry has been sick for a while. We moved him to a larger tank and he did good for a few days and then he spent all his time laying on the rocks. We thought that meant he was close to death so we were going to let nature take its course. We had hard talks with Alice who seemed to think his inevitable demise would mean she could get a hamster. That led to more talks about how we were not going to get her a hamster.

We were sure he was close to death. 

Only this went on for WEEKS. 

We tried adding a friend, we tried adding medicine. We did everything the internet suggested to make him better. And yet he was still doing nothing but laying on the rocks. His color was good! He was just not moving around other than to take a quick breath. 

But yesterday he took a turn for the worse and we just couldn't let him suffer. 

So we had to search how to humanely kill our child's birthday present. 

This kind of stuff isn't in any of the parenting books. I'm going to write a parenting book with all this extra crazy stuff you don't know you need to know. 

My Beloved and I discussed options. Should we proceed with Operation RIPBB while Alice was at school or wait until she got home? I felt like this is a life lesson she needed to be present for so we waited. 

My Beloved ran out for the item we needed and when Alice got home, we let her process what was going to happen. 

And then we killed our fish in a drinking glass in our kitchen. We tell ourselves it was a peaceful way to go but really, who knows?! 

This wasn't really on our plan for Dry January however, it didn't lead to us drinking so there's that. 

Blueberry Christie has been laid to rest in an unmarked grave in our backyard and we have plans to add more fish this weekend. We will pick a more friendly option this time. 

This is the second traumatic pet experience we have had this year but that story is for another day.

A day we're not a house in mourning. 

Until next time....

Quarantine Halloween

It has been a challenging year and Alice has missed A LOT. We planned to avoid all group Halloween things this year since we're still in the middle of a Pandemic and it felt like the smart thing to do. In an effort to give her a special day, I decided to plan a Halloween fun day. 

We always intended to go to Huntsville for the weekend. I wanted Alice out of the way of crowds. If she couldn't see it, she wouldn't miss it. We haven't been up for a visit since February and all parties involved felt it would be safe for a visit. I had intentions of shopping for games and crafts but by the time I was well enough to go, everything was Christmas. Boooo! I was able to order a few things from Amazon though. 

She and I dressed the part. I was a witch and she was my black cat. She got to wear eyeliner on her face - she was THRILLED!

These were our activities:

Mask craft - I found these on Amazon. They were so much fun! They're a scratch set so they did make a mess but it was easy to clean up. The package came with a lot so we'll have some for the next several Halloweens. :)  It came with everything needed and the masks fit both the kid and the adults.

Hotel Transylvania Movie Marathon - We packed up our movies and shared them with Mawmaw and Papa. These are super cute and not at all scary.

Brownie Mummies - we baked brownies and she iced them to look like mummies! This was a fun two part project so it kept her busy twice! 

Pumpkin Ring toss - I bought several packages of cheap glow necklaces and three Gizmo pumpkins from HEB. We played variations of this all day! And at the end of the night, she made a big giant rope out of all the necklaces. When in doubt - it's always worth the dollar for a package of anything glowing. Walmart always has amazing options.

Build a Monster - I found these on Amazon as well. They are SUPER cute and made of heavy felt. The problem was, we couldn't get them to stick together. We tried all the sticking things and nothing worked. They are cute though! And Alice enjoyed building a monster family.

Spider Races - I bought a package of plastic spiders off the internet and a package of smoothie straws from HEB. We lined up a spider and blew it across the table with a straw. It was hilarious. Alice didn't like playing against Dada - he has a much better lung capacity. 

S'mores - we ended our day with s'mores by the fire while we howled at the moon. And by 'we' I mean Alice. Howled and howled! 

I know I over planned. I know I overscheduled. And I don't care. Alice had a beautiful day. She laughed and played and smiled. It was such a much needed weekend of fun and being away. We were safe and isolated but she didn't know it. All she knew was she was having fun.

It was really great to be away and the moon was SUPER COOL!!!! 

Until next time.....

The 8th Year

Well, kid, here we are again with another birthday letter. It has been a HUGE year and we have a lot to cover.

This might have been the most challenging year yet - not because of you but FOR you. 

Here we go....

The Infestation: For all of your years in childcare/public education, I have been diligent about lice prevention. DI-LI-GENT! I've added Tea Tree oil to your conditioner for at least 4 years and you made it through 4 years of lice outbreaks unscathed....until this year. I was less than diligent and they found you. And then we found them. And then we did family lice treatments. I bought ALL the lice treatments and we used them ALL. Dada did ALL the research and we did every.single.suggestion. I cried with you as I brushed through your hair. We are so sorry. It has been our greatest parenting fail so far and one we will not make again because now we buy specific lice preventative hair conditioner you will use until you leave for college and get to buy your own. Our showers are also equipped with lice treatment shampoo just in case we get a case of the itchies. I use it often. The good news: now when we say we need to check your head - you let us! There's no fighting or screaming, you simply let us. That's growth! The other good news: when I have lice nightmares (which is often) and wake up in the middle of the night in a panic - I don't wake your dad to check my head. And that's growth for me!

The Rona: With March came a pandemic. I never, ever imagined I would have to say that but here we are. We moved to lock down as soon as Spring Break was done and we remained home for the next 183 days. Together. Just us. You were able to spend a handful of days at Nana's but for the most part, it was just me, you and Dada. And let me tell you, we might not be the best of influences and this has been a lot of influential time together. It has been isolating and boring and LOOOONG. You've had to learn to wear a mask and attempt to distance yourself from others. You immediately ask for hand sanitizer when we make it back to the car. You have only been around other kids 3 times since March and those times were limited. We are spending lots of time apart from the people we love in order to keep them and us safe and it STINKS! You did get to see your Papa or Mawmaw for the first time since March this weekend and it was much needed. But you mostly understood how important it was and didn't fuss too much. When we mention we can't do something or we can't see someone, you whisper "corona" all angry like it's a four letter word. It's cute but probably also an example of our questionable influence. The good news: we had lots of time together - just us. We played and fought and avoided pants. We slowed down and stayed still and were just present. We hugged and laughed and yelled. Yelled a lot. So. Much. Togetherness. But we found some sassy masks and we've made it this far. We're still wearing masks but it's old hat now and seems like the norm. It will be weird when the air touches our faces again.

The School At Home: When the pandemic started, so did School At Home. And School At Home is totally lame. We did not enjoy it one bit. It solidified my conviction that I am not a teacher and that your preferred learning style is in a classroom with peers. This was the hardest, most painful part of being stuck at home. The good news: we made it through First Grade. I'm not sure we should have, but we did! 

The Racism: In the midst of all the things, you became more aware of some of the hate we've protected you from. We had heavy conversations about what racism looks like and what it sounds like. We read books and watched Town Hall meetings with Sesame Street. You heard me and your dad talking about it. You asked if we should be talking about in front of you and we said yes. Our job is to protect you. However, our job is also to raise you to be aware and recognize when people are being mistreated, abused, targeted. We want to you to understand when to speak up. We want you to be empowered enough to let someone know when they are being hurtful even if it is someone you love. Our job is to give you the means to use your voice for something better. Our job is to tell you now so you are aware and can call it out for what it is when you see it. You are not too young to be an ally. 

It has been a heavy year but there has been some light!

You have a fish named Blueberry and he's still alive! We did dump out on the floorboard of our car on Christmas day. I managed to scoop him up in the inch of water that remained in the tank. We made it back to Nana's where they were waiting with towels and more water. I'm pretty sure he's forgiven us....

You lost a lot of teeth! None at school though - I'm hoping this is your year. 

You got to go back to school! You have to wear a mask and you have to follow new rules but you don't care. You are so happy to be back and that makes my heart happy. I hope you soak in all the learning.

I hope you look back on this year and think about all the time we spent together. The car picnics. The playing at home. The video calls with far away family and friends. The 'pants optional' summer. The dyed hair and hand drawn tattoos. Some of it was hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything (mostly). The time with each other was precious even when we were yelling and crying.

So Happy Birthday, Alice. I hope this next year is the best one yet (and with WAY less unprecedented times).

Love,

Mom and Dad

Her First Rodeo

Alice has gone out to the Houston Livestock Show since she was born. She LOVES seeing the animals and going through Ag-Venture.

However, we have never taken her to the Rodeo. I felt like she was too young to sit for that long and too much explanation would be required. Plus, it's SO LOUD.

But now that's she's a bit older and is comfortable wearing her headphones, I felt like it would be a good year to take her. 

I found an artist that I didn't think would be too uncomfortable for her and Nana found tickets.

We spent some time looking at the animals and planting a sunflower and going through the farm area. Then it was show time! 

She knew all about it because her teacher had just gone and told the class about it. Alice REALLY wanted to see the bulls. 

With headphones on, she handled it really well! We got through the National Anthem and the opening fireworks. 

And then she asked for the bulls.

The first event is Tie Down roping.

First calf out of the gate, "what are they doing to the cow?!"

This might be a long night.

"They're roping him, I don't think it hurts him. He's okay."

"He yooks sad!!! Sad cow!"

And then she asked for the bulls. 

We rock along and it's Barrel Racing time. One girl knocks the barrel over and Nana gasps. Alice pats her on the arm and says, "it's okay, Nana. They'll pick it up!" 

Still, where are the bulls?!

She FINALLY got to see the bulls. The excitement last about 8 seconds. Probably more like 6 because that's how long the first cowboy managed to stay on.

Alice feels like there should be less contestants. 

She thought the children chasing the cows were not very nice and the kids riding sheep were crazy. "I NOT doing THAT!!" Preach, girl. 

Then the concert. Her first as well. I went with Leon Bridges because his music is beautiful and we enjoyed the show! 

Nana, Alice and I had a lovely Girl's Night Out at the Rodeo!

Until next time.....

Day 4 - Animal Kingdom!

This is a day we missed a lot of the actual park. We started out with lunch at Sanaa (1 Table Service) which is at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. The food is traditional African food and it was delicious! If you ever get a chance to eat here - do it and order the Bread Service for an appetizer. Seriously, you won't regret it.

After lunch, we headed to the park. This was another uncomfortably hot and crowded day. Animal Kingdom has added so much stuff since our last visit and can be a harder park to navigate. It is a lot of up and down in the landscape with a lot of walking in between. 

We started with meeting Mickey and Minnie!! This is the only place you can meet them together and they are wearing they're safari outfits. SO CUTE!! Minnie gave us all kisses. 

We did It's a Bug's Life in the Tree which I'm pretty sure Alice did not approve of. We headed to Pandora after that. Half of our party rode the flying ride while the other half rode the river. We were on the river ride and I thought it was super neat!! The things The Mouse does with technology! I found it to be impressive. After this, Alice fell asleep so we stalled. I had a Henna tattoo done!



I also found THE PERFECT Disney trading pin for Alice.

Because, yes. 

Stay weird, my child. 

We eventually woke Alice up for a later-in-the-day safari. We got to see several animals and she thought that was neat!! 

We did a quick service meal (I recommend Yak & Yeti) and then headed to the Rivers of Light show. This is a newer show and while it was neat, it wasn't anywhere near as impressive as the Magic Kingdom show. I recommend doing this show before you see that show. 

This was the 4th day of our trip and we were tired and basically over the schedule and just wanted to make it through. Travis did get to ride Everest which is totally worth it if you don't have a kid in tow! It's an awesome roller coaster. 

The day started late and ended early and we missed a lot but we had a good day - and this park serves alcohol!! (The only park that doesn't is Magic Kingdom - unless you eat at a few restaurants that do serve wine.) 

We closed out our trip with Epcot! 

Day 2 - Disney Studios!

We started the day a little later and with the adults at the Rock n' Roller Coaster which is one of the greatest rides at Disney. Seriously. The only problem with it is that it is WAY too short. But other than that - it's fantastic. 

While we were riding the big roller coaster, Uncle Travis and Alice were riding Toy Story Mania. This is a shooting ride where you ride in bucket type seats wearing 3D glasses and shoot at things. According to Travis, Alice liked it! We forgot to hand him her headphones so he rode with his hands over her ears so she could shoot. He is such a good Uncle. 

I mean, seriously, how cute are they?!

After our first rides, the boys had FP to the Tower of Terror. The girls opted out because sometimes you don't want to be dropped that close to breakfast.

For lunch, we had reservations at Mama Melrose's Ristorante Italiano. I chose this restaurant so we could get VIP seating tickets for the night show, Fantasmic! It's in a little corner in the Muppet section and it was delicious. The food was fantastic, the service was great!! This was a slow moving meal so we did miss an afternoon FP but we were able to catch the later showing with no problem. This is another restaurant that I would return to.

After the meal, the boys went to the Indiana Jones ride and the girls went to see Frozen Sing-a-long Celebration. It was SO CUTE!! We had such a fun time! The 'hosts' were funny, the songs were recognizable, and it even snowed at the end. It was worth the wait, I think Alice enjoyed it. And if she didn't, we did so who cares. ;) 

After this, we caught the Beauty and the Beast stage show while half of the party went to the Star Wars ride. Again, Alice loved it. It was a story she know, characters she knew and she enjoyed it. When Chip came on stage, "Yook, Mom! It's Chip!!" All the heart eyes! 

We did opt to go back to the resort for a bit while the others stayed to do some character meets. It wasn't a long break but it made a difference. 

We returned to the park for the Fantasmic! show. IT WAS WORTH IT! The show was amazing. I rate it as the #2 show we saw (the 1st being Happily Ever After at Magic Kingdom). I bought glow sticks and bracelets before we left so I wouldn't have to buy them at the park and they worked out great. She loved her little glow wand.

We received VIP seating with our lunch so we were able to sit in a much less crowded space and it didn't cost us anything. There are dark elements to the show but Alice handled them fine and the headphones helped with the noise. 

It was a long day but a good day. I did have a mild panic attack because I thought someone took Alice's headphones out of her stroller, but it turns out I left them on a column while I was adjusting the stroller and they were turned in to Lost and Found. Bless them. We were able to get them back before the night show. Hallelujah! 

We missed doing a lot at this park simply due to crowds and temperament and timing issues, however, Alice doesn't know we missed anything.

The food was FABULOUS, the rides were fun, and the shows were fantastic!

Day 3, we're back in Magic Kingdom for a very special birthday!

*Side story: She was acting silly and fell on our way to the bus and scratched her knee and knuckles. This is how she insisted on sleeping. She didn't want anything to touch her boo-boos. This child. 

Like a 'Pish'

This summer, we felt like Alice needed to start swimming lessons. We don't do to much in the water. We have a small pool and she has her play pool, but we have never been in a large pool with her. I'm not a huge water fan so this is probably my fault. Whatever. Now that she's older, we felt like it would be a good time for some water safety.

The city offers swimming lessons so we signed her up for 2 classes.

She took the Tadpole class in June. This is a class for Preschoolers which focuses on introduction to the water, water basics, and beginning swimming. The class was taught by Mr. McKaid who had to be at least 16 years old because he drove himself to the class. A grandmother eventually asked and it turns out he was 19. Which is basically 16, because I'm old.

He handled our kids so well! She was in class with 2 other kids, a little boy and a little girl. They both had experience with water and spent some time being a little bit more rambunctious than our girl who was more focused on not getting her face wet. Bless her.

He was wonderfully patient and would ask, "Alice, do you want to jump into the pool?" Our girl, "NOPE!" Every. Time. She mastered the art of being obediently non-compliant. She would very obediently stand in line like a well-behaved child. And when it was her turn, she would say "no, thank you" and go back to the end of the line. Yeesh.

She did EVERYTHING in her power to NOT get her head wet. I can't blame her. I LOATHE water in my face.

At the end of the week, Mr. McKaid met with all the parents to talk about how their kids were doing. He said that other than her desire to not get her face near the water, she was actually doing pretty good! He recommended we work on it before her next lesson because it is something she can outgrow. I didn't think it was a good time to mention that I'm 36 and I avoid water in my face at all costs. 

In July, she started the Seahorse class which is more about swimming and less about "this is water". We arrive on the first day and the teacher doesn't have a key to the pool - sign #1 this isn't going to go well. Sign #2 was that that class had 10 kids, all between the ages of 4-6 and one teacher. It was TOTAL pandemonium. After day 1, 2 kids dropped out which brought the number to 8, which is still way too many for one teacher. Especially this teacher who I'm pretty sure has never taught a class before. 

The moms for class 1 all sat in one spot out of the way. However, the moms for class 2 stood pool side and hovered. This was the view for the first few days. 

On day 1, there was a little boy who DID NOT want to go anywhere near the water. So the mom just got in with him. When that didn't work, she took him over to the shallow part of the pool and dunked his head. This caused him to cry uncontrollably, obviously. And all of us moms were using all of our self control to keep our jaws and our eyebrows in line. The little boy who apparently loves the water every other day of the week, never took to the water this week. Nope. Not happening.

This class was UTTER chaos. The teacher never gained control or trust of the kids. They never listened to a thing she said. Each were constantly doing their own thing. I'm not even sure she knew their names. She repeatedly called Alice "sweetie". 

This is the only picture of Alice actually doing anything that resembles "swimming". It was more like "floating with assistance". 

The last day of class the teacher promised to turn on the water slide if everyone was good. This was obviously a lie because she was going to let them play for a few minutes anyway because she was over all of it and had some texts to return (this is not sarcasm, this is fact. She repeatedly paused the class to check her phone.), only she didn't know how to turn the slide on so she just kept splashing water on to it to make it slippery. Y'all.

Overall, swim lessons were good. While she didn't learn to swim, she did learn that she has ZERO desire to jump into any body of water. Bless it.

Until next time.....

Childhood vs. Adulthood

We had a Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine growing up. I remember it fondly. It lived in the garage on the highest shelf, almost out of sight. In my mind, the snow cones were just so magical! THEY were the definition of summer! The magical wonder that is flavored frozen ice! 

So sure I was of how amazing my experience was that when we found one in the 'vintage toy' section of Toys R Us (gee, thanks, I was totally prepared to be 'vintage') - I talked my Beloved into buying one. Granted we didn't have any kids at the time. But that didn't matter!! One day we would and this would make summer magical!!!! 

Someone posted about the machine on Facebook and I remembered we had one at the top of her closet and thought, 'YES!!! we can do that! Oh the fun!! Oh the memories!!' So I got the box out and prepared for the magic.

Y'all. I think I have completely blocked out any reality of my childhood.

I pull everything out and notice there isn't a plug. Ummm....that's disconcerting. And it took me FOREVER to put the stupid thing together. It is so difficult to put together that I almost gave up, only Alice saw the box so I needed a miracle. Fix it, Jesus! 

You have to practically grate your hand off in order to properly secure the hand crank. 

Yes, my dears. You have to HAND CRANK your snow cone - ONE PIECE OF ICE AT A TIME!!! I do not remember this!! I would NEVER have thought hand cranking anything was magical!! Nope, not one bit!! (As I was relaying my horrible encounter with my precious childhood toy, my Beloved said, "don't you remember the commercial?! They were hand cranking it!" NO I DON'T REMEMBER THE COMMERCIAL!! APPARENTLY I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF MY CHILDHOOD!!!)

Because we purchased the item a million years ago, we (mostly my Beloved's influence) felt like the included pack of flavored sugar might be past the point of using. But that's okay! We have apple juice and I could make mine with Dr. Pepper!! (It has been a trying week - a Dr. Pepper slushie would just be delightful.) I fill up the little juice snowman with apple juice and Alice picks it up and shoots juice all over the kitchen. 

By this point, I am completely over ice and snoopy and summer.

I finally get a few ice cubes crushed up and added to the tiny little paper cup that comes with it. I let Alice add the juice and finally convince her it's okay to eat. 'Yum!" she says, and off she goes.

While I'm cleaning up, I hear a 'splat' and an 'uh oh' from the living room. Yep. All that work was now melting all over her toys and the living room floor. Luckily it only amounted to about six thawed ice cubes. I get all that mess cleaned up only she wants more. She didn't get to fully enjoy her delicious treat. This is where Carrie Underwood started singing Jesus, Take the Wheel in my head. 

So back to the grinder I go only with a lot less enthusiasm. I got her a bigger cup, crushed more ice, and sent her on her way with veiled threats of "if you spill it again...."

And then I had a bowl of ice cream because that 'magical memory' just took way too much out of me.

These are things I feel I should express:
1. I already apologize to my mother daily for my childhood, however, that is obviously not enough. I don't remember how many times she hand cranked a snow cone for us but trust me, once was MORE THAN ENOUGH!
2. I now know why it lived on the highest shelf in the garage, almost out of view - ours might live there from now on too.
3. Before I buy anything to replace another beloved childhood memory, I will read the reviews - because I'm an adult and that's what we do. And I obviously cannot believe anything I remember from my younger years.(Except a Mr. T water sprinkler!! That thing was the bomb-diggity!)
4. 30 something years from now, she won't remember my frustration. She'll remember eating a snow cone with her stuffed animals in her pretend pool on the living room floor. And I guess that's what it's all about. 

Until next time.....

Candy Land, Shmandy Land

While I was working on the computer yesterday, Alice found our Candy Land game. 


"We pay dis!!"

Cool! I LOVE this game! It'll be super easy to play! It even says 3+ on the box. She's 3+! Heck, she's mostly 4!!

We set the game up, I explain the rules, and then I tell her to pick a game piece. 

This is foolishness on my part because it doesn't matter what color she chooses, before the end of the game she will have switched pieces with whoever is closest to the finish line or whoever gets a picture card. 

"But dats MY paborite!!" pouty face, blinky eyes...

I attempted to explain the rules and I tried to stress that it doesn't really matter which game piece you have and switching isn't really an option because losing isn't the end of the world. But then I gave up because explaining the merits of following the rules is a complete and utter waste of breath. And it was way too early for wine. 

Now to the cards. To play the game, you draw cards that have colors that match the path on the game. Easy enough! Only Alice can't pick up one card at a time and she must be a budding poker player because she'll flip a card, immediately say "not dis one" and trade it for different one.

The only cards she wants are the ones with pictures on it. I removed them from the deck during one game because I thought it might help her from being distracted. Nope. She just flipped over all the cards and said, "hey!! where's mine peanut card!" Yeesh. The peanut card isn't even the one closest to King Kandy's Castle!! 

So now we have to make sure the peanut card is on top so we can just go ahead and get that card out of the way.  

(And I know what you're thinking - I'm enabling her. Nope. This is just survival, people! We're down to the last few days of summer and I can finally see the very dim light at the end of the tunnel. My job between now and August 30th is to survive. Just. Survive. By any means necessary. Let her have the stupid peanut card - it won't kill anyone.)

I think we managed to play the game correctly once. Since then it has been whatever rules she has in her head. 

This morning it deteriorated quickly and all she wanted me to do was "caulk" (talk) for the game pieces. I had to be the Mommy and Daddy pieces and she talked for the kid pieces. Fine. So I attempted to work in some life lessons like stranger danger and what to do when you get lost but that's not what the kid pieces wanted to talk about. 

This led to the parent pieces becoming frustrated and heading off to the Adults Only Licorice Lagoon while the kids got shipped off to Nana Nutt's House. 

Which was not apparently in her plans. 

We (the parental game pieces and myself) were instructed to go "rest in da syade" only she assumes we know where that is and instead of just telling us, she keeps letting us know we're wrong.

"BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THE SHADE IS!!" I say.

"Ahright, caln down, caln down. I show you." she says.

And it's probably still too early for wine. 

Until next time......

Sucker Punched

Every Thursday the director at Alice's MDO lets the kids get a sucker from her candy bowl. Most of the time the bowl is in her office and there's someone talking to her so we skip it. It seems rude to interrupt a conversation for a Dum-Dum. No big deal! Alice doesn't know any different. Most of the time I've just woken her up and she's barely aware of what is going on anyway. Honestly, I didn't even know it was a thing until way late last year. And bottom line, she doesn't really need one. 

Last week, we skip it again. No biggie. Like I said, it's not on my radar. It's not a habit so I don't think to go in and grab her a sucker. Most of the time she's halfway asleep in my arms. My priority is to get her in the car with all her stuff. That's it. 

Only the slightly older sister of a girl in Alice's class notices and totally calls me out in the middle of the driveway. 

"Hey, that little girl didn't get a sucker. HEY! Why didn't she get a sucker?! WHY DIDN'T YOU LET HER GET A SUCKER!! MOM! Why didn't her mom get her a sucker?!"

Yeesh. 

It's not like the kids spend all day talking about what color sucker they're going to get. They don't have that many words yet! When she's older and there's more excitement about it, maybe it'll be a big deal. Right now, if she doesn't see it - she does not care.

Until last week. 

Alice asked for a sucker all the way home. 

Thanks, kid. 

Today the candy bowl was on a stool outside of the office so it was easier to notice. I told her to pick one out. It's right at the exit so kids swarm to it and Alice who has her father's "I don't want to be in the way" mentality calmly stands aside until it's her turn. Which takes FOREVER because it's EVERY ONE'S turn. Luckily she finally got to grab a candy.

She dropped it halfway through the store and learned the hard lesson that while most of the time suckers are super sweet - sometimes they just suck. ;)

Until next time....

The Dada's Worst Nightmare

*This post is totally TMI territory. This is your warning.*

As parents you constantly play the "what if" game in hopes that one day when the 'what if' presents itself - you have a plan of action already in place. 

What if.....she runs a fever for too long?
What if.....she eats a staple? (DONE!)
What if.....she throws up?
What if.....she poops in the tub?

Sometimes this works in your favor and when a situation comes around, you spring into action and everything works out! However, there are some that you are never prepared for. Ever. No matter how much planning you do. 

That brings us to this week.

On Sunday, Alice woke up and crawled into bed with us. As she was laying there, I heard her start to gurgle and immediately knew she was going to throw up. "Daniel! She's going to throw up!!" We get her sitting up and she throws up a little. Lovely. We get her to the toilet but she's done. She didn't eat much the day before so all she threw up was stomach acid. She immediately asks for milk. I KNEW this is NOT what she needed - at all - but the fit was so spectacular that I said, fine. She did good for about an hour. Then she spewed all over the living room. 

The Dada springs into action! We get the bucket under her chin until she's done and I get her changed while my rock-star husband cleans up the living room. She didn't throw up again, however, every time she got her hand near her mouth, we jumped up - "are you going to be sick?!" Her response every time - "No, I good." Yeesh.

And then there's last night. 

The Dada gives Alice her bath while I clean and get things ready for the next day. As soon as I turn the sink water off, I hear my impatient husband say, "TIMBERLEY! Can you please come here!" Yeesh, hold your horses! I was doing the dishes!

I get to the bathroom and he's kneeling next to the bathtub with his hands up like he's surrendering. "I was doing to the dishes. Is there something wrong?!"

"YES! She has POOPED in the TUB!"

I look over the side of the tub and sure enough, there's a big turd. My immediate response was to laugh. He did not think that was a proper immediate response. My second response was to ask if I could go get my camera. Again, he did not feel this was an appropriate second response either. 

Apparently our child managed to place some in his hand with her question of "wuss at?" before he figured out what was going on and became completely unglued. We get her out and sit her on the counter wrapped in a towel so Daniel can clean the tub. EVERYTHING was scrubbed. While the decontamination was going on, Alice and I discussed where poop goes. It's dirty and it goes in the toilet. To make her Dada even more crazy, she thinks it's cute to say it goes in the bathtub. I'm not sure he's ever bathing her again until we've confirmed she's gone poop already. 

Oh, the joys of parenting!

Now for the part where I brag on the Dada. Y'all, he's not big on germs. He's not Howie Mandel crazy but he prefers clean. He's a dedicated hand washer. He cringes when she puts things near her mouth. A little part of his soul dies when he catches her licking things like the wall in a store or something equally disgusting. And yet he has handled this kid SO WELL. He hasn't fainted or died yet and he still willingly gives her hugs and kisses. I am so proud! Alice won the Daddy Lottery. Bless him.

It took some time to settle after Poop Gate; it rattled the Dada quite a bit. I tried to tell him this is something that happens ALL the time!! It's totally normal.

And then I said, "I know it's cliche but.......$#*$ happens!" 

He didn't find that amusing either. 

Until next time......

Editor's Note: this was published with permission by the Dada.