A Pinch of Hope

This weekend I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone for something I knew in my heart was important. 

I have been unapologetically vocal about my disgust with those in leadership roles and my disappointment with those who put them there. I share this on social media and in the shirts I wear when I leave the house.

But lately, that hasn't been enough.

Last Friday I decided to see if there was a No Kings gathering in our area and was pleasantly surprised to see one in our little community. I told my Beloved I needed to be there. I texted my like-minded Bestie and her response was an immediate "I'm down." That night we bought markers and made signs. 

I was going outside......

Before we left the house, it was important to me that Alice understood why this was necessary.

We talked about our Freedom of Speech and how the current administration would like to silence those who disagree with them. We talked about how they are trying to manage what stories the Press are allowed to tell. We talked about how they are attempting to erase parts of history that might make us uncomfortable; but these are things that to be learned so we don't accept the terrible treatment of others as being okay. 

Lastly, we talked about the importance of showing up for our friends that do not look like us who are having to worry about being unlawfully detained for the color of their skin. That is not something we have to worry about and it's important to use our voices for them. By showing our outrage at the blatant injustice - we are showing them they are safe with us.

On Saturday, with our signs in hand, we headed to City Hall and joined around 300 people from our community in solidarity that NONE of this okay. The lies. The shutdowns. The disgusting internet trolling done by the freaking leader of the United States - NONE OF IT IS OKAY.

We held signs, waved, blew bubbles, sang, chanted - even when it rained.  

And for the first time in a long time, we all didn't feel so alone.

We stood next to a woman from our neighboring community who was thankful to be able to stand with people who felt the same way she did. 

It's easy to feel like we're crazy. But over 7 million people peacefully gathered to express their anger at where we are heading. 

And for the first time in a long time, I had hope.

Hope that the hate won't continue to win.

Hope that eventually the lies will stop and consequences will happen. (I miss accountability and consequences and checks & balances...)

Hope that communities can live in peace again.

Just.....a pinch of hope.

I'm thankful we attended because now I know I'm not so alone in the immediate space I share with so many. 

Until next time....

Total Chaos

It's always when my Beloved is at work....

To know me is to understand I have an irrational fear of roaches. I become completely unhinged if I even think there is one nearby. It's unhealthy and I have no intention of changing - I am who I am.

Now to my living nightmare....

Thursday evening as I was eating the last of my dinner, a roach crawls out from under my Beloved's chair and creeps behind our living room bench and I swear it's the size of a Corgi. Usually at this time of day, my beloved husband is home to handle such a crisis. Not THIS night though. This night he has a late event he has to help with.

I did NOT panic! I finished the last few bites and then ran to my room screaming "Alice, stay in your room - there's a roach in the living room!"

From my bed, Alice and I are screaming to each other about what we should do. It's decided that we should abandon the house. It's no longer safe. We decide to go to Taekwondo. I tell her to brush her teeth. She runs to her bathroom to speed through teeth brushing.

And then...the roach enters the hall and turns towards me as if to say, "hey girl, what's up?" Sir. We. Are. Not. Friends.

I scream "ALICE!! IT'S IN THE HALL!!!!!"

She screams and runs to our room. 

Our unwelcome visitor makes its way to Alice's doorway, looks in the room and proceeds to move down the hall.

Now I panic. After checking out Alice's bathroom, it walks DIRECTLY TO MY ROOM.

It's the roach version of Goldilocks. 

The nasty intruder steps foot in my room to all the screaming, decides this is not the vibe he's looking for and turns around.

I get a moment of bravery and decide I can kill it. I'm a grown person. It's just a bug. Alice throws a flyswatter out of our bathroom,; I take a few deep breaths and I head down the hall.

By this time, it has made its way to our back bedroom doorway. I bravely get close enough to hit it - only I miss because grace is not a spiritual gift I was given. I was given the gift of calamity. 

I turn to run, trip over my comfy house shoes and hit the floor....hard. So. Hard.

I crawl back to my room and throw myself on the bed. Alice offers to call 911 from the bathroom.

This is it. I am done.

I tell her we're leaving. She grabs a shoe; I have the flyswatter - and we run.

Every light in the house is on, there are shoes and large throwing objects spread throughout the house - I don't care, I walk away from all of it.

Alice in the car "where did it come from?!?"
Me "The gates of Hell!"

Alice does her TKD class and when she's done, my Beloved still isn't home.

Alice "okay, let's go to Walmart and spend money", because she is MY child, and this is how we heal.

Instead, we decided ice cream can fix it.

We get home and remain in the car until I can no longer take it. I walk through the house and our nasty bestie isn't anywhere I can see. I make Alice get out and we pile on to one spot on the couch while she sobs in fear, and I eat my well-earned Blizzard.

And that's how my Beloved finds us once he finally gets home. 

Her sobbing and me trying to watch First Daughter on Netflix.

Bless.

Did we handle it the best way possible? Probably not.

Did we make Dada look until he found the dead beast? ABSOLUTELY!

Is the right side of my body bruised? Yes. Yes, it is. 

My dominant elbow I spend a lot of time leaning on? Bruised. I am living with my discomfort and taking it as a lesson in what not to do next time.

Next time I will immediately leave the house and go shopping...

This is the way.

Until next time.....

Saturday Shenanigans

This is the kind of shenanigans I get into when my Beloved is at work on the weekends.

A few Saturdays ago, I decided to treat my self and I had a mani/pedi/eyebrow shape date. It was wonderful. Having my eyebrows done means I walk away with angry pink skin that makes it look like I have a questionable rash. Every time. 

But it's okay!! Because the rest of my plans for the day involved staying in my house. Unbothered. 

But it's me....so....

I leave my appointment, pick up lunch and head home. Alice and I are eating our lunch when the door bell rings.

Our door is built to where if it's bright enough, you can see a shadow walking up to it from outside so there was no sneaking up without answering.

I open the door to a man and his grown son who just look at me. It takes me a second to realize his son is holding a very old Weiner dog. I recognize said dog because this is not my first encounter with him.

Me "Oh! He lives next door!"

The Dad "Okay, great! I didn't know which house it was."

They leave to take him home.

The doorbell rings again.

They're back. With the dog.

The Dad "They're not home." *awkward silence and staring*

My Internal dialogue - what am I supposed to do? I'm not the one that found him.

What I actually say "okay, I'll take him."

This dog is blind and older than dirt. This is at least the third time I've encountered him and I'm pretty sure he is just trying to go towards the light and keeps getting lost.

The last time the dog was put in my arms (by a different neighbor who found him), I placed him back in their backyard with their other dogs. They have two younger dogs. (These dogs often get out and sometimes visit our backyard.) When I put the little dog in their yard, he immediately snapped at the younger dogs. I'm convinced the younger ones are actively digging holes for him to sneak out in hopes he'll disappear.

I take the dog and bring him inside. He bumps around with Alice following him making sure he doesn't hurt himself. I text the neighbor letting him know he's with us.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rings for the third time. 

I let him come in and I ask him what the dogs name is because I've spent enough time with him, I want to know what to call him next time.

The neighbor has to think about it. 

What?

He say "He's really old, we just call him Wiener. He's Rachel's childhood dog, she's had him for forever and we don't remember what his name started out as."

The heck?

Whatever, he takes the dog.

In a span of thirty minutes, I've greeted three neighbors, two of which I have never seen before, looking like I have some kind of plague.

I really shouldn't be shocked this is how my Saturday turned out....

Until next time....

Yay Day!

 There are two things that contribute to this story.

1. Alice is ready for a dog. She has been BEGGING for a new dog for MONTHS. Every time she sees a dog or hears the word dog or passes the dog aisle at any store. She. Wants. A. Dog.

2. Surgery recovery means no "intimate" situations allowed until cleared by the doctor which is usually at the six weeks mark. My Beloved being the funny man that he is counted six weeks on our kitchen calendar and wrote "Yay Day!" It should be noted this is a calendar that Alice has never paid attention to a day in her entire life.

Now to the story.

A few nights ago, Alice comes running in to our room all excited.

Alice "MOM! Why did you write Yay Day on National Adopt a Shelter Pet day!?? Does that mean we're getting a dog?!?"

And I immediately start laughing and say, "Daddy, Alice wants to know why you wrote Yay Day on National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day?!"

This is his doing, let him handle it.

Him...."I wrote that because that's the date Momma is supposed to be completely healed and can get back to her normal routine."

Me "Yes, that's the day I can move my weighted blanket all on my own." (I'm not supposed to lift anything over 10 lbs.)

Her disappointment was palpable. 

The date has a paw print on it, for crying out loud.

The next day we're in the car when Alice announces from the back seat, "I told Mrs. Ashby about 'Yay Day'."

Lovely.....just lovely.

Me "What exactly did you tell her?"

Alice, to me "I told her you wrote that on the calendar."

Me "No! DADDY wrote that!"

Him "I'm not sure that matters at this point."

Me "Did you tell her what kind of surgery I had?!"

Her "No, she didn't ask."

I have read ZERO parenting books but I am confident this kind of situation isn't in there.

And I know what you're thinking, "I know what you will be doing that day!!" 

NOPE!!!! My post op check is at an undisclosed later date so Yay Date will not happen on National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day. We will also not be adopting a shelter pet on National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day either. 

So, boom! 

Until next time.....

Side-Effect Sally

So I should probably tell you how I'm doing health wise. 

Since my last post, the abscess drained. It wasn't as bad as I imagined. It wasn't lovely! But it wasn't the ending scene of a horror movie either. I'm actually thankful we were able to speak with the doctor the day before it started oozing so I was slightly prepared. Had it just started bleeding, I would have had a complete and total meltdown and the house might have resembled the prom scene from Carrie.  

I immediately started my steroids and the antibiotics and now I have all the fun stuff that comes with those! I'm hungry ALL OF THE TIME!!!! Seriously. Ravenously hungry. I'd coat the dog in Nutella if it weren't for all his hair hungry. I know it's the Prednisone and I'm trying my best to not snack but it's so hard. And I want all things sweet, which is bad because Prednisone will do wonky things to your blood sugars and I don't want to end this adventure with a Diabetes diagnosis. So I'm having to physically remove temptations from the house. The struggle is REAL. And I have grown dangerously attached to the Iced Caramel Mocha's from McDondald's. SO YUMMY!!!!! BUT SO BAD!! 

The steroids will also mess with your calcium so I've added that to my daily routine, only I have to be careful when I take it during the day so it doesn't mess with my other pills. 

The steroids will also mess with your emotions. I blame all my moods on it now. HOLLA!! When I'm hungry - HULK HUNGRY!! When I'm mad - HULK MAD!! When I was hurting and things were oozing and I was crying over my sink - HULK SAAAAD!! But I'm functioning. And we're taking it day by day. Alice now says "HULK HUNGY!!" It's the cutest! 

I feel puffy and bloated and gross. And my face is starting to breakout. Again, all normal side effects. And since I'm Side-Effect Sally, I get THEM ALL!! Even the obscure ones that are in tiny print at the bottom of the medicine information - yep, those are mine! Steroids compromise your immune system and can result in various forms of yeast infections, ALL of which SUCK and no amount of yogurt consumed will keep me from getting. I now get to swish with Nystatin every 4 hours. Lame. In hopes of not encouraging yeast issues, I have to avoid sweets, caffeine, and alcohol. So double lame.   

When I start new meds, I have to monitor my blood levels closely. I'm a fragile Coumadin taker. It takes a lot to get me therapeutic and not much at all to completely screw it up. So with the addition of the steroids and the antibiotics, things have been a bit dicey. I have a machine that I can check my INR from home. The strips are crazy expensive but on my normal schedule (every 6 - 8 weeks) it saves me the copays of going in. 

For me, therapeutic is 1.9 - 3. I checked it a few weeks ago and it was 8. Actually, it read "> 8" only I didn't realize it didn't go higher than that so there's no telling what it was. I didn't have any of the usual signs of being dangerously high! I didn't have any bruising. My one glass of wine wasn't making me completely loopy. I was having massive palpitations but that could have been the steroids. Regardless, I had to go off the blood thinners, eat my weight in Kale, and recheck every day. I don't usually get to eat Kale, I have to avoid foods high in Vitamin K. I'm not missing much. 

And let me tell you, going from an extremely high INR to a normal INR hurts. It's the weirdest sensation ever. It's like I can feel my blood thickening. My damaged leg hurts, I get horrible headaches, it's crazy! 

We got everything leveled out but it happened again this week. So now we've adjusted my Coumadin and will continue to monitor it as I keep with the treatment plan. 

As far as how I feel, I feel fine! After the oozing, the pain immediately went away. Things have healed well and while there is still some discoloration, the pain is mostly gone. I can sleep on my side again!! HALLELUJAH! I have a heated hand massager that I use to attempt to break up the scar tissue some. Occasionally I will hit something the wrong way and be reminded that things are still healing but for the most part, I'm feeling MUCH better.

I'm not sleeping real well though. Again, something common with the drug. So that's making the days harder and my patience lower but I'm trying!

With steroids, you have to taper them down, you can't just quit. I went from 60 mg to 40 mg this week which makes me hopeful. My hope is that I went through the worst of it already and now we're just healing. I'm hoping the healing goes by a little faster. 

I have another follow up in a few weeks. I'm hoping by then she'll let me start working out again, I think the inactivity is also contributing to my lack of sleep. 

So overall, I'm doing good! 

I'm no longer on the antibiotics and that's nice.

I'm self conscious about how I look so I'll probably be in less pictures in the next few months. I'm frustrated with all of the side effects I'm dealing with and I'm ready to be done with it all. 

But mainly I'm glad the pain is mostly gone and there's an end in sight. 

Here's hoping it keeps going that way.

Until next time.....

Adventures in Gardening

I want to want to garden. We've discussed this before. I'm not sure when but I know we have. I love the idea of growing our own food, only I don't like outside. And I want it to be easy.

We have big garden plans for our backyard but there is still some work that needs to be done. A few weeks ago, my grandmother gifted Alice with a teeny tiny garden tool set in its own little 'purse'. She LOVES it. She also LOVES outside. 

So Dada got us a starter garden. The original garden has 1 squash plant, 1 zucchini plant, oregano, and lots of green onions. Alice was SO excited to get to play in the dirt (Lord, be with me.) 

Since then, we've added a container of chives, basil, and thyme. 

When we were out at the livestock show a few weeks ago, she planted three little sunflower seeds that never grew. So while she was at school I replaced them with new seeds. 

And that's our little container garden! 

After we planted our first plants I told my Beloved I was ready to go off the grid except for cable and wifi and indoor plumbing and electricity. He told me he wasn't sure I knew what that meant. I asked if there was an off-off-off the grid, like off-off-off broadway. An 'off-the-grid-light' if you will. He said 'no'. So we're staying plugged in for now. ;)

The morning after we planted our plants I asked my Beloved if we had a squash yet. He told me I might lose my gardening privileges. 

Since I planted my own plants I figured I could make my own bug repellent for said plants. I found a recipe on pinterest and bought a spray bottle and went to work! It was SUPER easy to make! I ran out to spray the garden only the spray bottle wouldn't work. My blood pressure started rising. 

I came in and found a different bottle and trotted back outside. This one didn't work either so I threw it at a tree. Don't worry - this tantrum was done while Alice was in school so she was none the wiser. 

Last week the weather people kept insisting we were going to have horrible, horrible windy rain and I was so very nervous our new plants would drown or be blown away! I moved them to the porch only to have no bad weather. So I put them back in the sun. 

We left for the weekend and when we checked on the plants when we got home, we noticed something had been in the sunflowers. We figured it was a squirrel and now that Atticus was home that wouldn't be a problem. We had one little green flower! ALICE WAS SO EXCITED!!!

This morning my Beloved walked out to check and came back saying we now had 3! YAY!! 

I watched the squirrel all morning. He ran around the tree and even climbed all over the seesaw. I yelled for Atticus to come scare it off. The dog runs into the living room looking around like 'where is the dropped food?'. I tell him to go outside - the squirrel is sitting on the seesaw - he steps out the door, smells the air, and then scratches to get back in. 

Stupid dog.

A few minutes go by and the squirrel is back! I yell for Atticus again only now he knows it's not food related so he's pretending not to hear me. This drives me BANANAS!! 

I open the door and yell at the stupid creature myself.

(Side rant - I dream of a day when the beings in my house that are smaller than me will listen without fail. What a glorious, glorious day that will be!)

We run to the store and after we get back, I head out to check on our sunflower sprouts!

ONLY THEY'RE NOT THERE!!!! 

Stupid, stupid, stupid squirrel. 

I'm ranting and raving and yelling at all the furry animals within earshot. I'm yelling at the dog to get the squirrel and he's like, 'where is The Man?' 

Seriously. Shouldn't his instincts be better than that?! U need to send him off to some dog survival school so he relearns how to be a dog! 

So now I'm googling squirrel deterrents on the Internet. I've planted new seeds, relocated the plant, and now everything is covered in cayenne pepper. EVERYTHING! 

TAKE THAT, CRITTER!!! 

Here's hoping this works. 

This garden is no good for my blood pressure. 

;)

Until next time.....

Healthy Smealthy

My Beloved and I are baby-stepping it into losing weight. We're getting up earlier and walking on our exercise machines while we watch Friends. It's totally lame but we need to do something. I don't want to be a sports fitness-wear model. I don't want to be a size two with bulging arm muscles. I just want my pants to zip. I just want to not look like I'm carrying a child. I got asked by my little cousin if I had a baby in my tummy at dinner the other night. Nope, and now I'm going home to drink my feelings. My Beloved says he looks like he's carrying a child too. I told him he would NEVER get asked when his baby is due. Me, on the other hand.....

So we're starting small.

I say baby-stepping because I am so unprepared to do a complete overhaul of our life that I know we will be unsuccessful. So far, Daniel has been such an encourager and has done well at keeping me accountable. And it SUCKS every morning.

Next month we intend to add a diet to our new routine. Yay. Diets are lame. I know people have been successful on the Whole 30 but it just has SO MANY RULES. And what the heck is ghee?! And Weight Watchers has SO MUCH MATH. See, this is why I'm not successful in regards to losing weight.

I told my Beloved we were having baked potatoes for dinner and then followed that with, "baked potatoes are healthy, right?!"

My Beloved - "NO!! It's a huge carb!"

Well, crap.

They're SO YUMMY! 

And I'm TOTALLY irrational (big surprise) and I think if I walk a mile - I should lose a pound. It's simple math. Only I was never good at math. 

I haven't lost anything. I'm pretty sure I've gained a few pounds. I am hungry ALL THE TIME now and I haven't even started a diet!! 

Maybe this was all a bad idea. 

He feels we have attainable goals.

I want to lose weight before Tami's wedding. That's a year. We can do it. We're not trying to lose twenty pounds in a month. We just want to adjust things so we're healthier. We want to be around for a long time with healthier habits and I want to look better in pictures. That's doable, right?!

Now I'm looking for a diet that we can do and be successful at and not fail. I want to eat food. I cannot eat loads of Spinach and I can't even look at Kale. I have to be extremely careful when it comes to my Vitamin K intake to avoid interference with my blood thinner. And I have a 3 year old to feed. I'd rather not have to make two different meals. 

So I'm searching Pinterest - my Beloved LOVES when I say that - and hoping to find something that will work for us.

But right now I just want cake. Lots and lots of cake. 

We were grocery shopping this past weekend and we found ourselves by the ice cream. (Cricecream - as Alice says it.) My Beloved says we should get some and I look at him like he's crazy. "We're talking about losing weight!" 

Him - "Oh yeah! I forgot."

We decided on getting the little cups so Alice could have some occasionally.

I said, "if you come home and find all the cups empty and my face covered in chocolate - I don't want to hear any judgement."

This is not going to be any fun at all. 

Until next time....

More of His & Hers

This all started because I found a short, white hair sticking straight up at my forehead this morning. It was long enough and white enough to pass off as Atti's only it was ATTACHED TO MY HEAD. So I did what almost any woman in my place would do - I plucked it. I then proceeded to tell my Beloved that when I have a job again, I'm going to cut and color my hair. It's time. He asked me why I don't just let the grey take over. Ummmmm.......hello?! Alice isn't even in Kindergarten yet! I don't need her teachers asking if I'm her grandma! Nope. It's time to start dying it. I'll let it go when she's in high school. Maybe.

A few minutes later as I'm coloring my eyebrows (they've turned blond. Like, white blond.) I add that I'm going to get my eyebrows done when I'm working again too. My "when I'm working" to-do list is lengthy. I then go on to say maybe I'll just buy a box of color and do it myself and dye my eyebrows at the same time. 

This earns an eye roll. 

My Beloved - "Why would you do that?! Maybe you should have someone who knows what they're doing help."
Me - "Fine! I'll get Tami to help. How hard can it be?! The instructions are on the box!"
Him - "When have you ever been good at reading instructions?"
Me - *evil glare & mock shock because mostly he's right. Okay, fine! He is right.* "Oh wow. We're done talking about this."
He laughs. "Well, it's true!"
Me - "Go make your lunch. I'm going to put something of yours on the floor." (This is how his mature, grown wife has tantrums - she puts something of his on the floor.)
Him - "Just as long as it's not my toothbrush."
Me - "Too late!"
Him - "What?!"
Me - "Just kidding. I barely remember which toothbrush is mine and which is yours. Sometimes I just 'eenie meenie miney moe' it." BIG SMILE! 

I'm not sure what he mumbled after that.

I tell him I'm only kidding. He walks back into the bathroom and says it's easy to tell which is his and which is mine. 

Him - "Mine is the simple one. Yours is the complicated one."

That's the story of our lives, ladies and gentlemen. 

Me - "I'm blogging this."

Until next time......