Did I make the right choices? Am I where I should be? Should I have left in the first place?
This is usually after visits to old haunts. Haunts I miss. Haunts I mostly enjoyed! Haunts with people I still enjoy being around. Haunts I sometimes hate not being a part of.
However, every decision I've ever made led to a major realization.
Leaving the Rodeo and the best boss ever taught me that there are bad bosses out there. And they suck. A lot. But by moving on to the new job, I also learned that I could do it!! I was a pretty good producer! And I missed writing.
And when that job went away, it was a good thing. Because while I needed to know I COULD do it, I didn't really need to forever. 4am calls also suck. A lot. ;)
And then I got a new job that I could exercise my organizational skills but that was about it. And I learned that's not for me. I NEED creativity to keep going. If not, I'm miserable.
And then we had Alice and staying home with her has been the best thing ever.
And then the fear sets in. All the same fears that come with finding a job.
What will I do when I go back to work? Who will hire me?! What will I be qualified to do?! NOTHING! Chase a kid and change diapers! That's it!!
All the self doubt creeps in and I can't help but feel defeated.
And then I get to spend an hour like this.
And I just don't care.
Nothing else matters.
It doesn't matter I have nothing else to talk about. It doesn't matter that I'm not a part of something huge.
SHE thinks I am. She thinks I hung the moon.
And sometimes, that's all I need to remember.
Until next time.....
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