So sure I was of how amazing my experience was that when we found one in the 'vintage toy' section of Toys R Us (gee, thanks, I was totally prepared to be 'vintage') - I talked my Beloved into buying one. Granted we didn't have any kids at the time. But that didn't matter!! One day we would and this would make summer magical!!!!
Someone posted about the machine on Facebook and I remembered we had one at the top of her closet and thought, 'YES!!! we can do that! Oh the fun!! Oh the memories!!' So I got the box out and prepared for the magic.
Y'all. I think I have completely blocked out any reality of my childhood.
I pull everything out and notice there isn't a plug. Ummm....that's disconcerting. And it took me FOREVER to put the stupid thing together. It is so difficult to put together that I almost gave up, only Alice saw the box so I needed a miracle. Fix it, Jesus!
You have to practically grate your hand off in order to properly secure the hand crank.
Yes, my dears. You have to HAND CRANK your snow cone - ONE PIECE OF ICE AT A TIME!!! I do not remember this!! I would NEVER have thought hand cranking anything was magical!! Nope, not one bit!! (As I was relaying my horrible encounter with my precious childhood toy, my Beloved said, "don't you remember the commercial?! They were hand cranking it!" NO I DON'T REMEMBER THE COMMERCIAL!! APPARENTLY I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF MY CHILDHOOD!!!)
Because we purchased the item a million years ago, we (mostly my Beloved's influence) felt like the included pack of flavored sugar might be past the point of using. But that's okay! We have apple juice and I could make mine with Dr. Pepper!! (It has been a trying week - a Dr. Pepper slushie would just be delightful.) I fill up the little juice snowman with apple juice and Alice picks it up and shoots juice all over the kitchen.
By this point, I am completely over ice and snoopy and summer.
I finally get a few ice cubes crushed up and added to the tiny little paper cup that comes with it. I let Alice add the juice and finally convince her it's okay to eat. 'Yum!" she says, and off she goes.
While I'm cleaning up, I hear a 'splat' and an 'uh oh' from the living room. Yep. All that work was now melting all over her toys and the living room floor. Luckily it only amounted to about six thawed ice cubes. I get all that mess cleaned up only she wants more. She didn't get to fully enjoy her delicious treat. This is where Carrie Underwood started singing Jesus, Take the Wheel in my head.
So back to the grinder I go only with a lot less enthusiasm. I got her a bigger cup, crushed more ice, and sent her on her way with veiled threats of "if you spill it again...."
And then I had a bowl of ice cream because that 'magical memory' just took way too much out of me.
These are things I feel I should express:
1. I already apologize to my mother daily for my childhood, however, that is obviously not enough. I don't remember how many times she hand cranked a snow cone for us but trust me, once was MORE THAN ENOUGH!
2. I now know why it lived on the highest shelf in the garage, almost out of view - ours might live there from now on too.
3. Before I buy anything to replace another beloved childhood memory, I will read the reviews - because I'm an adult and that's what we do. And I obviously cannot believe anything I remember from my younger years.(Except a Mr. T water sprinkler!! That thing was the bomb-diggity!)
4. 30 something years from now, she won't remember my frustration. She'll remember eating a snow cone with her stuffed animals in her pretend pool on the living room floor. And I guess that's what it's all about.
Until next time.....
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