Total Chaos

It's always when my Beloved is at work....

To know me is to understand I have an irrational fear of roaches. I become completely unhinged if I even think there is one nearby. It's unhealthy and I have no intention of changing - I am who I am.

Now to my living nightmare....

Thursday evening as I was eating the last of my dinner, a roach crawls out from under my Beloved's chair and creeps behind our living room bench and I swear it's the size of a Corgi. Usually at this time of day, my beloved husband is home to handle such a crisis. Not THIS night though. This night he has a late event he has to help with.

I did NOT panic! I finished the last few bites and then ran to my room screaming "Alice, stay in your room - there's a roach in the living room!"

From my bed, Alice and I are screaming to each other about what we should do. It's decided that we should abandon the house. It's no longer safe. We decide to go to Taekwondo. I tell her to brush her teeth. She runs to her bathroom to speed through teeth brushing.

And then...the roach enters the hall and turns towards me as if to say, "hey girl, what's up?" Sir. We. Are. Not. Friends.

I scream "ALICE!! IT'S IN THE HALL!!!!!"

She screams and runs to our room. 

Our unwelcome visitor makes its way to Alice's doorway, looks in the room and proceeds to move down the hall.

Now I panic. After checking out Alice's bathroom, it walks DIRECTLY TO MY ROOM.

It's the roach version of Goldilocks. 

The nasty intruder steps foot in my room to all the screaming, decides this is not the vibe he's looking for and turns around.

I get a moment of bravery and decide I can kill it. I'm a grown person. It's just a bug. Alice throws a flyswatter out of our bathroom,; I take a few deep breaths and I head down the hall.

By this time, it has made its way to our back bedroom doorway. I bravely get close enough to hit it - only I miss because grace is not a spiritual gift I was given. I was given the gift of calamity. 

I turn to run, trip over my comfy house shoes and hit the floor....hard. So. Hard.

I crawl back to my room and throw myself on the bed. Alice offers to call 911 from the bathroom.

This is it. I am done.

I tell her we're leaving. She grabs a shoe; I have the flyswatter - and we run.

Every light in the house is on, there are shoes and large throwing objects spread throughout the house - I don't care, I walk away from all of it.

Alice in the car "where did it come from?!?"
Me "The gates of Hell!"

Alice does her TKD class and when she's done, my Beloved still isn't home.

Alice "okay, let's go to Walmart and spend money", because she is MY child, and this is how we heal.

Instead, we decided ice cream can fix it.

We get home and remain in the car until I can no longer take it. I walk through the house and our nasty bestie isn't anywhere I can see. I make Alice get out and we pile on to one spot on the couch while she sobs in fear, and I eat my well-earned Blizzard.

And that's how my Beloved finds us once he finally gets home. 

Her sobbing and me trying to watch First Daughter on Netflix.

Bless.

Did we handle it the best way possible? Probably not.

Did we make Dada look until he found the dead beast? ABSOLUTELY!

Is the right side of my body bruised? Yes. Yes, it is. 

My dominant elbow I spend a lot of time leaning on? Bruised. I am living with my discomfort and taking it as a lesson in what not to do next time.

Next time I will immediately leave the house and go shopping...

This is the way.

Until next time.....

To My 20 Year Old Self

Girl, brace yourself. 

Today we turned 40.

4!0!

I have been massively wishy washy on this. 

A part of me doesn't think it's a huge deal. It's just a number, who cares! Tomorrow I will feel the same as I did yesterday. I won't be any more grown up. I won't be any more "together." Hopefully, I won't be any less together! 

I'm kinda proud to say "I'm turning 40!" because then everyone looks at me, like "what?! you?!" Yep. Me in my CareBear pants. 40. 

But there's small part that starts doing math and that math equals Alice will be 18 when I turn 50 and then I start to freak out. That feels like a HUGE age difference! She will have so much time left and I want to eventually see my grandkids and then I stress about her being alone and get all emotional and then the wonderful man you married has to talk you down. This happens often. We married good, girl. (Spoiler alert: we TOTALLY married that super polite boy with the nice eyes from our SFA 101: Radio/TV class. I mean, it takes a while, but we get there.)

Then a part of me wants to freak out because I realize I'm not a "grown up" grownup. I still don't have my ish together. I'm not sure if we are where we pictured ourselves being because honestly, I don't remember spending a lot of time thinking about it. Maybe in hindsight that is something I would do different. But probably not. 

I am coming to terms with this not being my Momma's 40. My life trajectory does not resemble hers and most days that feels okay. Most days I feel like I am where I should be and all of my friends are here too. And then some days I freak out because at 40, I probably shouldn't be wearing CareBear pj pants to work. But they're comfy!  

Our emotional state is often set on spin cycle but our Beloved loves us so it's cool.

In the event we get a do over, here are some things I want to tell you. 

* Start taking care of your body right now. I know what you're thinking, "ma'am, I don't gain weight." Hush, child. It's coming..... Start making healthy food choices and for the love of all things holy and sacred, start exercising because one day we will be 5 years past that point of that being important and starting then will SUCK. Real talk.

* Spring of 2019, start saving and hoarding toilet paper, hand sanitizer, masks and cleaning products. Don't ask, just do it. 

* Guarding your heart will sometimes feel silly. You will second guess your decision to not be a little more reckless when it comes to relationships. You will feel the pressure to be a little less cautious. BUT - you are doing the right thing. Our whole heart was meant for our Beloved. And our relationship with him is worth never going back to change a damn thing. Period. If every decision we made led to him, make them again and again and again. Every. Time.

* Budget. Better. So gross. 

* Listen to your heart when it comes to things you question that contradicts the views you were raised on. Start using your voice now. Recognize when things are not just and scream really loud. Commit more time to making the world a better place. Understand that you are not meant to indefinitely make your parents proud. Your responsibility is to fight for a better world for our girl. And if your heart and head are screaming NOOOOOOO to something - LISTEN. The older we get, the divide between what we were taught and what our head tells us gets bigger. You will want to feel torn but you don't have to. It's the catch 22 of raising strong children who can think for themselves. Eventually, they do. And sometimes those thoughts don't match. And that's okay. 

* One day, you will have a terrible boss who will drive you to use terrible words. Try really hard not to because you will eventually let them slip in front of our child and then she will use them. She will use them correctly and a part of you will want to be proud but mostly you will feel shame because that's the correct response. Trust me, I've asked. 

There are probably a ton of other things I should have prioritized to share with you but that's where I am.

Hindsight is a tricky beast. It makes you feel like there are so many things you would go back and change. While a small voice will list them out, a louder voice will scream BUT LOOK WHERE WE ARE!!! 

And where we are is pretty great. 

We have a happy home full of love. 

We have a job doing nothing we went to school for but it's with a fantastic company and it meets our needs while giving us the freedom to wear our pjs to work. GIRL! 

So all that doubt we carry doesn't really matter. 

And maybe turning 40 isn't such a big deal. 

Here's to the next 20.

Love,

T

Until next time.....

Into the Wild

Well, I decided to attempt to do something fun for Spring Break and that's how most hot mess stories start. 

Bless it be. 

I chose the zoo. I thought, it's outside and you can only buy tickets online at certain time slots which must mean they are limiting how many they sold. Foolish, foolish me. I thought this was a safe choice. 

We have not done anything in a large crowd in a year and instead of easing in to it - we joined 8 million other people in Hermann Park. This is what happens when the weather is gorgeous and we're not in a pandemic. Only we're in a pandemic but no one wants to be in one anymore so we're pretending like we're not and EVERY ONE was there. Together. Outside. To-ge-ther.

Me = Freak. Mode. 

Our tickets were for 2pm-3pm. This means you have to enter the Zoo at that time. No sooner, no later. We arrive with almost half an hour to spare only with 8 million people, there is no parking. None. Zero. Zilch. 

We circle the entire area once and only once because by the time we make it back to the entrance of Hermann Park - they've closed the road to traffic due to no parking options. 

This is 1:45ish now. 

I'm immediately defeated because that's my automatic Go To response for such stuff. 

I happen to know mom is on her way to work so I call her to check on the Light Rail by her hospital. We end up meeting her at work and she offers to drop us off at the zoo. Bless her. She is the best. 

I am still in defeated freak mode. They're not going to let us in. All will be lost. I've ruined Spring Break.

We get out on the side of the road on Fannin and scamper through the park. We arrive at the zoo at 3:08. My Beloved asks if we can still get and they say yes. All is saved! 

And then we enter the park full of people wearing masks and standing way to close to each other. I spent the entire 3 hours saying "don't touch that. here's some hand sanitizer." Freak. Mode. 

The Houston Zoo is doing the best they can to keep us respectfully apart. They are limiting the number of people in the building exhibits so we did have to wait in line to see the bugs but they had lines drawn because humans are dumb and we can't tell 6 feet apart unless we're shown. We also stopped to eat a quick snack INSIDE. It was a weird time of day so there was only one other family inside which means we could stay on opposite sides of the place which feels safer. This was the first time we have eaten inside a restaurant in over year. It has been such a strange time.

We have not been to the zoo since the Kindergarten Field Trip that was also very much worth blogging about and a lot has changed. I feel like the Zoo has done a fantastic job with their renovations. It was an absolutely beautiful day and we got to see a lot of animals. 

You get to walk under this guy now which is both totally awesome and a little intimidating because he looked like he was trying really hard to find his way out. 

At the end of the day we had to figure out how to get back to our car. This meant we got to have a Light Rail adventure. We walked back through Hermann Park and caught the rail in the medical center. This might have been Alice's favorite part. It only cost us $3.25 and will probably be the only way we go to the zoo ever again. We will park at the park and ride and ride it in. Or just ride it for the three hours the ticket is good for and see all of Downtown Houston. 

Alice had fun seeing the animals. We had an adventure. The weather was lovely. We made memories. We survived. 

And we will never attempt this during Spring Break again. 

Until next time..... here's some cute animals - 

My, my, my, my Corona

This post comes from an angry place. This is your warning.

We were careful. We were mindful. We were diligent. 

We have not seen the inside of a restaurant since March. We have been to extremely limited, intimate gatherings in controlled environments with the same circle of people.

We have been paranoid. We have been told we are silly for being so paranoid. We watched as people went about their lives, business as usual. 

A few weeks ago we hugged a family member who has not been as diligent or closed off as we prefer. And they gave us Covid-19. 

4 hours with someone within our circle and it took us out for 3 weeks. 

I pulled Alice from school and transitioned her back to virtual. My Beloved and I had all the lame symptoms associated with the Rona. We are LUCKY things were not worse. 

I made a Facebook post about how I felt Covid has been the worst of all the medical issues I've had to face. I caught some static for it. 

"I'm pretty sure when you were in the ICU was worse, Timberley."

Do you know what I remember about my first several days in the ICU after Alice was born? Nothing. Not a darn thing.

"What about when you were dealing with your boob stuff?" 

While that stuff SUCKED - I could completely function while I was going through it. It didn't knock me on my butt. I could manage my day to day responsibilities.

What was worse about having the Rona was the fact that my number 1 responsibility could not be to heal. I still had to mom and teach and work and take care of a house - while sick.

The post I made to Facebook was done wrapped in a blanket with a fever and watery eyes wearing a mask, sitting on the floor of Alice's room playing raft. Her world didn't stop because we were too sick to manage it. She was understanding but she's also a kid who is TIRED of being locked down. She is a kid who had JUST managed to go back to school with her friends but found herself locked down.....again, missing crucial classroom time.

I also got to deal with the nurse from Alice's doctor's office who spoke to me like I was so irresponsible to allow her to be exposed to the Rona. She made me feel worse on top of worse. "What are you going to do to protect her?!" What would you suggest?! Put my 8 year old up in a hotel for a few weeks?! 

We did THE BEST we could to keep her safe and we are THANKFUL she seems to have missed it. 

I didn't kiss or hug my kid for almost two weeks. That SUCKS. 

The fear was also REAL fun, y'all. 

What if we get sick enough to need to go to the hospital? What happens to Alice?

What happens if Alice gets sick enough to go to the hospital? Who would be there to sit with her?

What happens if this is something that messes with my wonky DNA and it causes me to clot? Do I just get to stroke out with my husband sick in the bed and my kid avoiding math? 

On repeat in my head every day while I was still working. 

My Beloved had a harder time and was down for most of it. We both cannot afford to be down at the same time with a kid in the house. That leaves me.

So yes, this was harder than all the other times I was able to prioritize healing over anything else. 

I have been so angry. 

I am angry we got sick. I am angry Alice missed time in the classroom. I am angry that this seems to not have made a difference in anyone's attitude about being safe during a friggin Pandemic.

I watch people post pictures from restaurants and pumpkin patches and parties and I get so very angry.

I am not willing to risk my health or my family's health again so we will remain cut off from family and friends until this is done unless I know for sure those people have been nothing but careful and masks will probably be involved. 

We've had heavy discussions about what the holidays will look like this year. They will probably look a lot like lockdown but with holiday decorations.

I've heard "don't you trust God to protect you from getting sick?" I trust God to give me common sense during a pandemic and the means and dedication to not knowingly put my family at risk. 

We are happy to be feeling better. We are thankful we did not require a trip to the hospital. It was touch and go with my Beloved's fever! We are even more paranoid about being around people. 

I do not see the end to this any time soon because not enough people are willing to do what it takes to make it stop. 

I also selfishly feel like only the naysayers should end up with it. 

God and I are working on my attitude. Mostly He feels I'm a bit justified in my anger so that's where we currently are.

Until next time.....

20 minutes to summer.....

First, a side story. 

Tami took Alice to Build-a-Bear a while back and for the past two months, she has been requesting to go back. We stress that Build-a-Bear is for special occasions like her birthday. 

This also means she has been attempting to make everything a special occasion. 
Not getting in trouble at school
Easter
Saturday
Mother's Day
Being sad for getting in trouble at school
Sunday
Every. Quiet. Moment. Of. Every. Day.

For months. 

Now for today's drama.....

Today was the last day of school and it ended at noon. 

The plan was to pick her up and meet Daddy for lunch.

I had 35 minutes between my work and having to pick her up. The plan was to quietly read in peace.

However.

At 11:42am Atticus starts barking up a storm at something in the backyard. I look out past the porch and can't see anything. "Fine! Go bark at nothing!" I open the porch and he immediately runs to the porch wall and proceeds to attack a small baby bird that has somehow ended up on our porch. I yell but the damage is done - he just did what dogs do. This is not his first time to catch a bird. He drops it right outside of the porch and it's gone so I take a shovel and throw it over the fence. I'm also close to tears because that poor baby bird. 

I'm standing on the porch as Atticus is running around the yard and I'm just heartbroken. 

I take a glance around and I notice a second little baby bird glaring at me from the bottom of the BBQ pit. 

It is now 11:47am. 

I wrangle the dog back inside and proceed to have a staring contest with the bird. I Marco Polo my mom and sister and the only thing I get back is my sister laughing in hysterics. I call my Beloved in a panic and he says he might could come home. I tell him I'm just going to leave it alone and see if it finds it's way off the porch before I get back.

We're still staring at each other through the door.

At 11:52am he decides to get brave and tries to fly - straight into the screen wall. 

I can tell it's a baby Blue Jay and I also know that Blue Jays are MEAN! So I would like the thing to find it's way out before the family comes to look for it only at 11:56am all of my fears come true Daddy bird shows up. 

Y'all.

I can't have the flock on the porch so I grab an oven mitt and head out the door. The plan was to pick him up and place him outside of the walls. 

What happened was I scared it into flying a bit and he made it to the porch door entrance. I flap until he is clear of the porch.

It is now 11:59am and my nerves are shot.

I pick up Alice and I'm still a bit frazzled. She asks me why and I proceed to fill her in on my misadventures with nature. 

She has only been at school for 4 hours and two of those hours were lunch and an ice cream party. I ask her if she's even hungry.

Alice: not really.
Me: well, you don't have to eat, you can just get a dessert if you like.
Alice: NO!! I want to eat!
Me: but you just said you weren't hungry!
Alice: I'm hungry for a Happy Meal!!
Me:.... I'm ill-prepared to handle this right now....
Alice: Did you just say Build-a-Bear?!

Yeesh.

We eat lunch, run an errand and return home. I go to make sure the bird has made it off the ground only to find it being fed by it's dad on the back porch. 

Hells bells, this cannot be their new home. 

Alice offers to hold Atticus inside, I put on my trusty oven mitt and head back out. I flap my hands until the silly bird is off the porch again. This time I stand there to make sure it doesn't end back up on the porch. 

He looks disgruntled and mostly disheveled.

He FINALLY decides I mean business about the porch eviction and starts to flap his wings towards the fence line. 

I have to get him out of the yard though because eventually Atticus is going to need to be in the backyard and it's going to be more sadness. I feel like having our dog take out 1/4 of the family is bad enough, I would rather him not claim half! So I kind of follow him down the fence line saying encouraging words until he squeezes himself through the chain-link fence. 

Bless it be.

He can't fly that high and I have no power to put him back in a nest I cannot see so he is going to have to make this work! He will need to be mindful of snakes and hawks and free-roaming cats. However, it won't be Atticus on his tail!! 

If this is the start of summer - one prayer tree might not do the trick. We will need the entire forest.

Until next time....

March Sadness, the Remix Edition

Y'all, I just don't know what it is about me and the month of March. We just cannot seem to be friends. 

It has been a heavy, heavy month and I am hoping April is lighter.

7 days: That's how many days Alice went to school in the month of March and one of those days was our Zoo trip. She missed the first full week due to the flu, the next week was Spring Break and then the following week she only got to go to school once due to a nasty plant fire in Deer Park.

To say I was spent is an understatement. I am not sure how I am going to survive summer. 

God Bless Fraud Alert: The middle of Spring Break I get a text from my credit card company asking if I just charged more than $900 to GoDaddy. That would be a hard no. So I'm standing in Target with the card people making sure the card gets cancelled. And of course it's the one that all my monthly charges go to because that's how the world works. It takes about a week to get a new card and then I had to go through all the changing over. I *think* I have everything moved over. Time will tell......

New Casting: I've reached the breaking point with 90% of my medical professionals so I am starting all over. ALL OVER!!!!!! 
1. I haven't heard from my breast surgeon since November. This does not thrill me.
2. The company that monitors my INR machine has turned off my account again because I have only tested once a month for a few months and my order is for 2. This is also the company that had me throw away 4 boxes of test strips due to a recall and only sent 1 box as a replacement. I mentioned I don't have enough strips and she asked why I haven't mentioned this before. "I have, EVERY TIME I call!" This all means I have to get a new order from my Hematologist before I can speak to them again.
3. I have been trying to get an appointment to see my Hematologist since January only they can't find the referral my PCP sent over. In fact, the 4 times I have spoken to them they have let me know that I haven't had an active referral since 2016. This is not AT ALL the truth since I am diligent and dedicated and put alarms in my phone to request updated referrals because I attempt to be on top of my ish. I have resorted to snapping and impatience EVERY TIME I have spoken to the office. They can't spell my name right and then ask if I'm a new patient. Nope, I've seen him the last 6 years. (Side rant: I called to have my referral for my Hematologist renewed in January and the girl in the PCP office said it expired the day before. I told her I know, that's why I need a new one. She says, "well, it won't be renewal then because it's expired, it will just be a new referral." I might have replied with something testy. JUST DO IT!!!!!
4. My Urologist has retired and my Rheumatologist left the practice unexpectedly. I have seen her twice. That's it. And my prescription is up in about 60 days so I need a new one. Finding a Rheumatologist is lame but it's okay because I didn't like her anyway. 
5. I hate my PCP's office. They never have appointments when I need them.
Me "I think I have an infection." Them "the doctor can see you next Thursday at 2pm or you can come in as a walk-in today." Then I sit in the office for about 2 hours to see a PA who inevitably will call me before I make it to the pharmacy with a change because "you are on Coumadin." Yep, I have been for the last 6 years so I'm pretty confident it is in my chart.

Back when I was collecting specialists, my then Rheumatologist (who I loved but stopped taking my insurance) recommended I see an Internal Medicine doctor and not a General Practitioner. She thinks I need someone to look at the big picture and not just the immediate. She is not wrong. I stuck with who I had because it was easy and change is dumb. But I'm at my point of enough so I'm starting over. I've decided to go back to the Kelsey-Seybold system. I am hoping it will make my meeting with specialists and all the testing I have to have done so much easier. I need easier. We will see how it works out. 

20 Years: It was 20 years since we lost Dad this past week. 20. I was worried about my state of mind all month. My Beloved brought home some Corona for me and I got through the day with no issues. Sometimes 20 years just feels like a Wednesday. And then on Saturday as I was driving to Book Club, I had to pass the cemetery so I thought I would stop. I cried most of the way there. I hate cemeteries. I never feel closer to Dad when I'm there. I spend more time talking to him in my car when it's just us then I ever would standing over a stone. So much so that I have only been out to his grave a handful of times and I can't remember the last time I stopped in. It has been so long that I had to call Mom and ask her where he was. What kind of daughter can't find her dead dad?! 

Sometimes 20 years feels like a Wednesday. And sometimes 20 years, plus a few days feels like the bottom has fallen out again.

This year I've been a bit more angry than I usually have been. Usually when the dam breaks, I am just broken but lately I've been mad at him and his choices. I was dwelling too much a few months ago and in sadness said that if only he had loved me enough to come to my play that night, he might would still be alive. My Beloved said that's a heavy weight I don't need to be carrying.

My Beloved loves me through the breaks. Every time. (As of today, the dam has been fortified and I am in a good place.)

So I'm hoping for a lighter April. One with more school, less medical professional stress and no more random naked men. Although, he did add a break for humor.

Until next time.......

Field Trippin'

Today was our very first field trip ever. 

And it was......interesting.

We never went on field trips in school with the exception of 5th grade when they took us by bus to the Junior High to show us where we would be the next year. That's it. We went on field trips with our day care but never in school.

But these Kindergartners got to go to the Zoo!

To me a field trip means everyone rides the bus together and wears matching shirts and goes around as a class exploring.

Only that's not how her school does it. Nope.

For her field trip, the parents drive themselves, take their own kid plus one or two (who ride in on the bus) and visit the zoo at their own pace. And the teachers love it because Kindergarten parents love to attend a first field trip so the teachers get to walk around all by themselves. 

Alice comes home yesterday and tells me the name of the other girl in our group. I prepare for me plus 2. However, at the gathering this morning I am told that the other little girl's mom was able to come too so I only have Alice.

Basically, I am taking Alice to the Zoo on a school day with their permission. 

It is discussed in our gathering that all of the major roads into downtown Houston are currently closed so I asked Google Maps to help. Google Maps is outdated and failed me miserably and I ended up on the other side of Minute Maid Park going the wrong direction because an entire exit no longer exists and no one informed the Google. 

This makes me frazzled. My child will be the only one waiting for their way late parent.

I scream and lament and curse but I manage to make it to the Zoo before the kids. 

The zoo is PACKED! I'm pretty sure most other schools in the greater Houston area are ALL at the zoo (in matching shirts and walking in large groups by the way!)

Finally the bus arrives, I gather my child and we take off. 

My mother calls Alice "10-minute-Alice" because that is her attention span. Only at the zoo it's "10-second-Alice." If they built a zoo like they did airports with moving walkways through the exhibits - I think Alice would be a happy camper.

We are there from about 10am to 1pm and by 11am Alice is basically done.Her feet hurt,  it smells, she's tired, she hates snakes, she wants to pet EVERY SINGLE RANDOM PIGEON WE SEE and she HAS to have the stuffed Red Panda because she LOVES it the best. And also, it's hot. 

By noon, I am counting down the seconds. 

We make it to the meeting point with lots of time to spare - I was taking NO chances - and once all the children show up and they head towards the buses, I leave. 

The teachers mention that if we want, we can check our kids out early at the office.

NOPE!! You keep my child until 3:45pm, thankyouverymuch.

I call mom from the parking lot while I'm getting in to my car. As I am turning the wrong way on MacGregor, I glance over and see a very tall, VERY naked man walking towards the zoo. He is holding what looks like a small amount of clothing in his left hand and that's it. 

He looks like he was running to the zoo only all his clothes suddenly burst into flames and he had no other option than to waltz naked towards the zoo. I mean, when you want to see the elephants, you WANT TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS! 

My sister asked why he was naked like it's a totally normal reaction to roll down your window and ask a completely naked stranger why he is heading to the zoo sans clothes. Nope, that was not what I chose to do. I chose to look around like, "everyone can see the naked man, right!?" and then proceeded to a location where I could right my driving wrong. 

And then I sat behind a bunch of buses for about 15 minutes.

When I made it back to my original location, there was a police car with it's lights on and I'm assuming a naked man in his back seat. 

It made the news so I am confident I was NOT the only person to see the naked Zoo man.

This is all way more than I bargained for for a memorable First Field Trip experience. 

Incidentally, this is the third time I have encountered a random naked man. For such a prude, I seem to find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time quite often. 

And this is basically how the entire month has gone. (Not the naked man part - only the everything-is-a-hot-mess part.)

More on that later......

Both my mother and sister asked if I got a picture of said Naked Zoo Man and I let them know that I BARELY got a picture of my own child at the zoo today. What kind of mother would I be to get a picture of the naked man and not my child on her first field trip?!

So here's the one I got. 

Of the kid, not some random naked dude.

Until next time..........

A good habit.....

Organize your pictures.

I take a lot of pictures.

I take less now then I once did!

BUT.....it's still plenty.

I almost never print pictures and 99% of my pictures come from my phone.

Years ago, someone passed away and I needed a picture. It was a NIGHTMARE to sort through the 4 million pictures I had so I decided to organize my pictures better.

I have a folder for each year with a folder per month inside.

I also have a Temp folder that has a folder in it with empty general sort folders.

When I start a new month, I copy the empty folders to the month folder.

I download pictures from my phone to the temp folder and then drag them over to the folder they belong in.

This makes finding things SUPER EASY.

It's only trouble if I forget to download pictures for 3 months and have a million photos to sort through. 

I also back up our computer to an external hard drive because life happens and I don't want to lose everything.

It's a bit obsessive, however, it makes searching for something SO MUCH SIMPLER! And that's a good thing.

Until next time.......

Socially Spent

We have not done classroom birthday parties yet mainly because we felt she was too young and we had things going on. Plus, I'm no good with new people. I get all weird. I have gone her entire school career without learning any of the parent's names. I know this is probably horrible but the extent of our interactions is usually opening the door for each other on the way in or out. That's it! I know who belongs to which kid! Mostly. 

Now it's just awkward to ask, I've seen some of these women for 3+ years. 

However, we decided this year we would make more of an effort to socialize her so if she came home with an invite and wanted to go - we would try to make that happen. 

And the universe LAUGHED and she came home with three invites for this past weekend. 

And the kids have words now and spent the entire week talking about the parties like little gossipy teenagers. There was no way of getting around it.

Saturday we had a Halloween party with costumes and pumpkin painting. 

I am grown. I haven't dressed up in YEARS!!! But I didn't want to be the only one not in a costume so I borrowed some scrubs from my mom. I mean, if I'm going to be uncomfortable, I might as well dress comfortably. 

We show up at 3 with our pumpkin and the host (who is the ONLY other adult wearing a costume - more showed up later though) says she's not sure she's had anyone show up at 3 before - they usually show up much later! 

For clarification, the invitation listed the party at 3pm with no end time. And it didn't say it was 'starting at 3'. It said When: 3pm. I noticed the timeline for the event when we got there and things were scheduled until almost 6. Jesus, take the wheel.

Turns out it's an all-evening family event they throw every year. I was glad Alice got to go this year. She had a ball. She ran all over in her princess dress and cried huge tears when it was time to go. It was cold but she was happy. And she was finally able to see J's room because they've been talking about it all week and he wants her to see it. It's upstairs now and you have to take your shoes off.

Ummmm......pump your breaks, little girl! Wanting to rush off to see some boys room. She will give me all the grey hairs.  

On Sunday, she had back-to-back birthdays. 

We started with a little girl in her class and the invite said "costumes optional". Thinking ease, we went with Fancy Nancy because all that involves is a party dress and some accessories that are going to end up in my purse after a few minutes anyway. We arrive and not a single child is in a costume. Not even the birthday girl. Bless.

Alice is super awkward and these party helped me to realize that ALL kids are super awkward. This little girl is about as excited about socializing as I am. And all Alice wanted to do was play with her toys because they're all new to her! 

Alice doesn't understand the rules of a party. "It's time to play this game!" "No thank you, I don't want to." Yeah, that's not how this works, you have to play along, kid. And then tears. Always tears. 

As we were making our exit, the mom mentioned we could do play dates and dinner. She had my number on the caller ID so she could contact me. 

Y'all - this is like my worst nightmare. They have a really nice, calm house. I don't know how to behave in that kind of environment. And what happens when it's our turn to host?! I'm already sweating just thinking about it. 

Our next party was for a little boy. There was no guidance as to what to buy these kids so we got board games that would be appropriate for each child. 

We arrive to the party at Peter Piper Pizza and immediately realize the party is for a kid I've never even seen. Apparently, there are two boys in the class with the same name and while I was shopping for one, it was the other one I should have been shopping for. This was probably the most uncomfortable social encounter we have ever had. 

Although this does explain why the child I shopped for was in no hurry to leave the little girl's party before his. 

There were at least 3 other kids from Alice's class and I did eventually meet the boy's parents and figure out which child he was. 

Y'all. 

This was just all too much socializing. 

I had to write down names so I could remember what they were for when we run into each other at the Thankful Feast. 

And I think we might have hit our max on social engagements for the year. 

We're officially socially spent.

Real talk.

Until next time......

TOO MUCH NATURE!!!

Let's start at the beginning. 

I don't do outside. This garden venture is a complete stretch for me. I do not like outside or all things that live outside. Nope. Not interested. 

Several months ago Tami came to the house. When she does, she parks her car on the street. She comes in an says "hey, did you know there's a snake skin next to where your trash is?" 

Ummm......what?

My Beloved says it's no big deal, it's just the skin, it doesn't look poisonous. 

I freak out. We're under attack. Obviously. 

A week later he says he has to tell me something that's been bothering him. He actually found the snake skin in the garage, not next to the house. "So we're emptying the garage this weekend and covering it in Snake Away, right?!" He knew at the time of finding the skin that we would be unable to completely empty the garage due to some work commitments so he hesitated in telling me.

We spent the next day cleaning the garage. 

Now, fast forward to a few weeks ago. We mentioned needing to put out more Snake Away now that the weather was getting warmer. No big deal, it's an easy weekend chore.

Only I wake up to take Alice to school one morning and the garage smells like a moth ball convention. SNAKE AWAY!!!!

Now I'm in a conundrum. Do I risk entering the garage?! Is it in my car's AIR VENTS!?! (All this stuff happens almost immediately after some crazy news story bounces around social media. Every. Time.)

This is how I handled that conversation:

Notice it took him 10 minutes to respond. We've had a discussion on how much time should go between text responses, especially those relating to dangerous beasts. 

We again checked the garage - no snake. 

And that brings us to today.

Mid morning the birds in our backyard start going berserk. No big deal, this happens a lot, it probably means there is a hawk near by. I walk to the back window and notice two Blue Jays on the fence fussing at something. I look down and see a huge snake moving around a stack of landscaping rocks we have along the fence line. And it looks rather annoyed with the birds. The birds are persistent and the HUGE SNAKE wiggles toward the garage side of our house. 

Side note - I feel like I owe the Blue Jays some bird food. They are WAY more helpful in protecting our backyard than our dog.

Per usual, I text my Beloved. 

He immediately calls and asks the size and color and 'where did it go' questions.

Ummm, no sir. I'm not stepping A FOOT outside! That is NOT my life!! Nope. There could be more! It could be like the plane! SNAKES FALLING FROM THE SKY!!! NOPE!! Everything outside is DEAD TO ME!!! Sorry, garden! You're on your own!!! 

"It went up the side of the house! I don't know where it is!! WE'RE ON LOCK DOWN!! THE HOUSE IS UNDER SIEGE!!!! We're not leaving until it has been proven that it's no longer a threat. And you have to YouTube how to check my car for snakes in the air vents! IT COULD HAVE EATEN THE BABY!!!!" 

God bless my poor Beloved. 

I told him it was big. And brown. And alive. I thought it might be like, 3 feet? I didn't want to say too big because I tend to exaggerate. Whatever.

So he gets home and starts hunting. 

I'm in the front room and Alice comes running. "Momma!! Dada needs you in the garage!"

BINGO!!

Killing the thing was quite comical, snakes don't die easily. A shovel and a scrapper of some sort was used. It started out in a bad spot so getting a good angle of its evil little head was mostly impossibly. Add on Daniel had to balance a stack of boards on his knee the entire time adding to the challenge. 

He manages to get it in a better position, however, then the snake's "flight or fight" instincts kicked in and it started climbing the wall. 

Literally, climbing up the wall. WHY, GOD, WHY???!!!

This all happens on the side of the garage where EVERYTHING is located because life. 

My Beloved eventually knocks the boards out of the way and drags the snake to the driveway. 

The shovel still isn't quite cutting it. Literally. 

So while holding the snake down in the heat, my Beloved asked me to bring him a knife from the bottom drawer of this tool box. "Oh, the bottom drawer, is that where it keeps it's babies, you think?" Him "there aren't any babies." Uh huh. 

Seriously, I attempted to help! I offered no less than 4 times to run to Walmart to buy a gun! 

And of course all of the neighbors arrive home to find my husband beheading a beast on our driveway. We're *those* neighbors.


We also got to have a fun conversation with Alice about the nervous system of snakes. Blessed life lessons. 

It didn't have fangs so Daniel is pretty sure it was just a really large Rat Snake.

Panic mode again.

"DOES THAT MEANT WE HAVE RATS?!?!??!"

Ya'll, this is the WRONG time to be on meds that prohibit me from drinking alcohol. 

THE. WRONG. TIME. 

Until next time.....

RECASTING!

Y'all, March and I do not get along.

When I left my original Boobologist's office on March 1st, it was with the understanding that they were working on scheduling a biopsy surgery for first thing on the 13th (today) and would call with the details when finalized. 

And I never heard from them again. I called almost every day because they needed to contact my Hematologist to discuss what would need to be done with my medication. 

I called to leave my cell number.

I called to leave my Hematologist number.

I called to say, "I can't have surgery next Monday without instructions from my Hematologist" about a MILLION TIMES! 

I was told all of these things were being added to my chart.

Because I understand the seriousness of my medications, I emailed my Hematologist the afternoon I got home from the surgeon's office. His nurse said she would call me by end of day or the next day with directions. And I never heard back from her either.

The next Monday I called and spoke with someone else in the office who I could tell wouldn't be helpful. And Tuesday I finally contacted my favorite nurse. I don't like to call her first because I'm pretty sure it's not her job! She isn't really my doctor's nurse! BUT she loves me and she's good at her job. 

She immediately lets the PA know she needs to call me. 

My right arm has been sore for a few weeks now and my joints have been a bit puffy. And once again, I worried about a blood clot. So at 4:30pm on Tuesday night, I loaded Alice in the car and I headed to the ER. Hint for future reference: if ever you need to go to the ER, say you think it's a clot. They pay attention really quick. 

As I'm filling out paperwork, the PA from my Hematology office calls. I let her know where I am and she says "you could have called me, I would have ordered a Doppler." GIRL!! DO NOT START!! I've been trying to get SOME SORT OF MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL TO CALL ME BACK FOR 4 DAYS!! No ma'am. I am in no mood.

So I have my 5th Doppler scan and my arm is blood clot free. The ultrasound tech gave me some sass about being worried about blood clots when I'm actively taking Coumadin. He hinted that I should just be more compliant with my doctor's orders. 

Honey, you do not know me. With my history of clots, I try not to mess with that. I was on blood thinners for my entire pregnancy and my placenta was still covered in clots. So what,  I have an ER bill now. It's better than throwing a blood clot at home in front of my 4 year old. He apparently had the same condescending comments for the ER doctor who quickly told him people with Antiphospholipid Syndrome and Lupus markers can still clot on blood thinners. Bless him. It made me feel better about going in. 

Thursday rolls around and I am at a loss. After school, we take Alice to the Livestock show. While there, my favorite nurse calls me. "Ummm, (the PA) said you were in the ER! What is going on!" 

So I tell her. I tell her everything. I end it with "and now I'm freaking out because there's a 10% chance this is something serious and I am the ONLY ONE concerned!!" She writes everything down and vows to make something happen. Bless. Her. Melissa is my favorite.

She starts harassing the surgeons office. She mentions that with everything going on, the PA will probably want to see me. Greeeeeaaaaaaat. 

Friday morning I FINALLY hear from the surgeon's office. It was the nurse asking for the phone number to my Hematologist office. Nope. I'm out.

I hear from Melissa who wants me to come in that day to meet with the PA. 

I pack Alice up again. (When I mention I need to go to the doctor, she now asks if it's my Boob Doctor. Probably this is my fault.) I go over the timeline with my PA and she does an exam. She mentions they have a Breast Specialist on site so I take her card for the referral. She also mentions my Hematologist is also an Oncologist that handles this kind of stuff. I know this. I just went a different direction! He doesn't usually give me breast exams so I went with my OB. And plus, he's a boy. 

But I should have started with him. And now I'm only going to them. They are Texas Oncology after all. Now I know I will get the information I need and it will all be in one place. Plus, they validate parking.

I sign the paperwork to get my results sent to my Hematologist. The PA called this morning to tell me that Dr. Foote would like to do a MRI before they just start cutting on me. This seems reasonable. So now I'm waiting for my MRI to be scheduled. 

And I still haven't heard from my original surgeon's office. 

I hope to have better answers soon.

Like, really, really soon.

Until next time.....