March Sadness, the Remix Edition

Y'all, I just don't know what it is about me and the month of March. We just cannot seem to be friends. 

It has been a heavy, heavy month and I am hoping April is lighter.

7 days: That's how many days Alice went to school in the month of March and one of those days was our Zoo trip. She missed the first full week due to the flu, the next week was Spring Break and then the following week she only got to go to school once due to a nasty plant fire in Deer Park.

To say I was spent is an understatement. I am not sure how I am going to survive summer. 

God Bless Fraud Alert: The middle of Spring Break I get a text from my credit card company asking if I just charged more than $900 to GoDaddy. That would be a hard no. So I'm standing in Target with the card people making sure the card gets cancelled. And of course it's the one that all my monthly charges go to because that's how the world works. It takes about a week to get a new card and then I had to go through all the changing over. I *think* I have everything moved over. Time will tell......

New Casting: I've reached the breaking point with 90% of my medical professionals so I am starting all over. ALL OVER!!!!!! 
1. I haven't heard from my breast surgeon since November. This does not thrill me.
2. The company that monitors my INR machine has turned off my account again because I have only tested once a month for a few months and my order is for 2. This is also the company that had me throw away 4 boxes of test strips due to a recall and only sent 1 box as a replacement. I mentioned I don't have enough strips and she asked why I haven't mentioned this before. "I have, EVERY TIME I call!" This all means I have to get a new order from my Hematologist before I can speak to them again.
3. I have been trying to get an appointment to see my Hematologist since January only they can't find the referral my PCP sent over. In fact, the 4 times I have spoken to them they have let me know that I haven't had an active referral since 2016. This is not AT ALL the truth since I am diligent and dedicated and put alarms in my phone to request updated referrals because I attempt to be on top of my ish. I have resorted to snapping and impatience EVERY TIME I have spoken to the office. They can't spell my name right and then ask if I'm a new patient. Nope, I've seen him the last 6 years. (Side rant: I called to have my referral for my Hematologist renewed in January and the girl in the PCP office said it expired the day before. I told her I know, that's why I need a new one. She says, "well, it won't be renewal then because it's expired, it will just be a new referral." I might have replied with something testy. JUST DO IT!!!!!
4. My Urologist has retired and my Rheumatologist left the practice unexpectedly. I have seen her twice. That's it. And my prescription is up in about 60 days so I need a new one. Finding a Rheumatologist is lame but it's okay because I didn't like her anyway. 
5. I hate my PCP's office. They never have appointments when I need them.
Me "I think I have an infection." Them "the doctor can see you next Thursday at 2pm or you can come in as a walk-in today." Then I sit in the office for about 2 hours to see a PA who inevitably will call me before I make it to the pharmacy with a change because "you are on Coumadin." Yep, I have been for the last 6 years so I'm pretty confident it is in my chart.

Back when I was collecting specialists, my then Rheumatologist (who I loved but stopped taking my insurance) recommended I see an Internal Medicine doctor and not a General Practitioner. She thinks I need someone to look at the big picture and not just the immediate. She is not wrong. I stuck with who I had because it was easy and change is dumb. But I'm at my point of enough so I'm starting over. I've decided to go back to the Kelsey-Seybold system. I am hoping it will make my meeting with specialists and all the testing I have to have done so much easier. I need easier. We will see how it works out. 

20 Years: It was 20 years since we lost Dad this past week. 20. I was worried about my state of mind all month. My Beloved brought home some Corona for me and I got through the day with no issues. Sometimes 20 years just feels like a Wednesday. And then on Saturday as I was driving to Book Club, I had to pass the cemetery so I thought I would stop. I cried most of the way there. I hate cemeteries. I never feel closer to Dad when I'm there. I spend more time talking to him in my car when it's just us then I ever would standing over a stone. So much so that I have only been out to his grave a handful of times and I can't remember the last time I stopped in. It has been so long that I had to call Mom and ask her where he was. What kind of daughter can't find her dead dad?! 

Sometimes 20 years feels like a Wednesday. And sometimes 20 years, plus a few days feels like the bottom has fallen out again.

This year I've been a bit more angry than I usually have been. Usually when the dam breaks, I am just broken but lately I've been mad at him and his choices. I was dwelling too much a few months ago and in sadness said that if only he had loved me enough to come to my play that night, he might would still be alive. My Beloved said that's a heavy weight I don't need to be carrying.

My Beloved loves me through the breaks. Every time. (As of today, the dam has been fortified and I am in a good place.)

So I'm hoping for a lighter April. One with more school, less medical professional stress and no more random naked men. Although, he did add a break for humor.

Until next time.......

March Sadness

Let me tell you, I have high hopes for April because March SUCKED. 

Disclaimer - this post is going to be LONG and this post is going to be full of lots of girly TMI so, boys, skip down to the bottom. You've been warned. For reals. 

First - it rained THE ENTIRE MONTH. Like, every day. Poured. We were worried the sun had been stolen and that we would never be happy again. 

And the TMI starts now.....

I have had super screwy periods since being on the blood thinners and they come often, like more than one a month. My uterus hates me with a passion and it lets me know as often as it can. And this month started with the worst period I have ever had in my life. The. Worst. (see boys, I warned you!) It lasted two full weeks of nothing but the heaviest bleeding possible. I had to change clothes a few times a day for two full weeks - it was bad. And also completely embarrassing and MORTIFYING. I didn't want to leave the house. I cried a lot out of frustration. I looked in to black-market hysterectomies. 

I also had a ton of annual doctor appointments to tend to so not leaving the house wasn't an option. While at the Ophthalmologist, my graceful self hits the handle of a chair and leaves a MASSIVE bruise on my thigh. Go me. This was my testing day - I have to go in for testing twice a year for Glaucoma and to make sure my autoimmune meds aren't messing up my eyes. After the test, the technician says the doctor should be calling. I tell her I have an exam with her in a few weeks but she says "she'll probably be calling you anyway." Enter Freak Mode. Turns out I didn't need to worry, all the tests came back normal. So the fretting for two weeks was for nothing. Thanks. 

We had a wedding in the Austin area to attend mid month. I still wasn't sure if I should go - see TMI paragraph above and also two legs covered in bruises - but we went. Girly issues slowed down FINALLY and we had a nice time! I did have some lower back pain after our first night. I blamed this on a bad hotel bed and needing an hour with my masseuse bff Lzata. However, Monday morning at around 2am, I woke up in such pain in my left lower abdomen, I couldn't sit still. Nothing helped. No position alleviated the hurt. I finally woke Daniel up and told him I was going to the ER to rule out a kidney stone. For the record, I have NEVER had a kidney stone and as far as I know, there isn't any family history of it either. So in-spite of his concerns, I drove myself to the neighborhood ER. "What if it's just gas!? I don't want you to wake the baby for gas!" I get to the ER, they put me in the room, give me some meds and do a CT. The ER doc says ovarian cyst - I say kidney stone. Turns out we're both right. Again, go me. I do tell them I am on blood thinners and they take my INR. My therapeutic magic number is 2.0. My ER INR is 7.9. Oops. 

So my ER doctor calls my Hematologist and I get to ride in an ambulance to the hospital. None of this is on my bucket list. At least the paramedic thought I was a treat. He asked why I was going to the hospital for a kidney stone and I told him my INR was a little high. He flipped my chart and took the Lord's name in vain, "a little high!?" Yep - that's how I roll.

I'm admitted with a Coumadin overdose. Seriously. 

They run some tests, I have to pee into a strainer, and I get a good dose of Vitamin K to counteract the blood thinners.  Nobody knows why my INR is so high, however, it does explain the horrible period and the horrible bruising. And after a chat with my hematologist, I discover that my prescription was wrong. I usually take two 5mg pills daily only the last time I picked up my pills, they gave me 10mg but I didn't notice. I was taking twice the amount I needed. Yes, that would do it. (My doctor has since called to apologize for this mix up and assures me it's not my fault and she isn't going to fire me as a patient. Bless her.)

I am also treated to both an external and internal pelvic ultrasound. This after the pelvic exam I had in the ER. Fun times! The ultrasound shows I have passed one kidney stone but I have another one waiting in my kidney. Yay! It also shows the cyst isn't anything to worry about. I come home with meds and instructions and an invitation to meet with my new Urologist in about six months. I collect 'ologists' - it's like, my thing. 

I come home late Tuesday night. Monday was Travis's 21st birthday. We had big plans. We were going to go out to the Rodeo and he was going to buy me a drink. This after I turned in my research paper I had ready a week and a half early but would now be late. Why do I even make plans!? Wednesday, I take Alice - who is on Spring Break - up to the school so I can turn in my paper. Thursday, we head to Nana's, however, halfway there I start to feel bad.The pain gets so bad, Travis has to drive me to CVS to pick up my meds and then home while Nana watches Alice.

I am thankful for my first kidney stone - it brought me to the ER before I unknowingly bled out from a blood thinner overdose. However, the second kidney stone seems a little unnecessary if I'm being honest. Uncalled for, if you will. One got my attention - two was just rude. 

Now I get to see my Hematologist weekly until my numbers are back to normal. With my INR being so low, I get extra worried about blood clots. My leg hurts and I panic. Blood clots terrify me. I had my yearly well-woman scheduled for last week (third pelvic exam this month - I should get an award or more wine) and I had to go over all the stuff that happened the week before. I had a complete meltdown in the office. I don't know why this happens. Maybe it's all the pregnant women projecting their hormones on to me. Regardless, I cry almost every time I'm there. Every. Time. One day, they might medicate me. She tells me my leg looks a little poofy and I sob the entire way home.

It's a clot. I just know it.

I call my hematology office and let the nurse know I'm freaking out. She tells the doctor, I get to visit with her again. She ordered an ultrasound and we spent ALL DAY at the hospital waiting for it. It came back clean. Thankfully. 

We closed out this glorious month with this weekend where Alice all of a sudden out of nowhere spikes a 102.9 fever while we're visiting Papa and Mawmaw. She got to skip school yesterday just to be on the safe side. 

We did have some nice times. My Beloved and I had spring break together so we got to have some day dates! And the road trip with the family was fun. 

But I'm real happy to see it over. I ended the month the way I started, with cramps. See, the uterus, it hates me. I'm hoping April is better; hopefully without the showers though. March rained enough! 

Fingers crossed we're looking towards the light.

Until next time......

Muggle seeking Magic

So I'm a total nerd and I'm totally okay with that. I love all things Harry Potter. I've read the books several times and I listen to the Audio books a lot. (Jim Dale reads all the voices just like I read them - it's fantastic!) And I now own all of the movies minus 7.2 that doesn't open until next week. And trust me - I have plans to see it. Not at midnight because I don't like people - but I will see it! And it's like it's goodbye. Reading the final book was hard but I knew there was going to be a movie so.....

But now, now it's just done.

I love reading. I love what books do for me. They take me away and immerse me in a new world with new friends and new adventures! And JK Rowling offered me lots of new friends. She writes characters we love like Neville and Luna and Dobby! She gave us a family you wanted to be a part of. Made us care for a boy who doesn't really exist. Had us crying when our 'friends' didn't make it. And characters we loathe like Tom Riddle, Snape and Umbridge - who in my opinion is the most vile character ever written. Ever! Trust me - the woman is HORRIBLE!!

And she makes us so comfortable with their world that we always want to go back.

So next Friday I'll march with the masses to say goodbye to my magic friends. I'll cry the entire time - I already know which of my friends aren't going to make it out. Sadness. But I'll go to put my friends to rest....

...until the next time I need a little magic in my world.

The House of Sick and Sadness

Alice and I have been under the weather for the last few weeks. We started with colds in mid March and thought we'd beat it, however, we didn't. 

Last week, I developed a very nasty cough I'm still dealing with and Friday, Alice woke up with a fever. So we spent the next three days a lot like this.

Poor little thing. I hate to see her sick.

After a weekend of a fever, she woke up Monday with my cough and runny nose. 

Seriously. We are totally over snot and sneezing. TOTALLY.

Thankfully, we had Frozen to get us through. It's a Disney movie and the only thing that seems to keep our girl focused and sitting. So we spent several days watching it....over and over and over again. It makes me smile at how happy she gets when the movie starts. As soon as the music starts, she starts clapping and smiling. It's precious.

She seems to be mending. I'm still coughing. It's frustrating and annoying. Hopefully it's gone soon. 

So sorry we've been out - I was trapped on a couch with a sick little bitty, Olaf and Sven. ;)

Until next time....