Y'all, I just don't know what it is about me and the month of March. We just cannot seem to be friends.
It has been a heavy, heavy month and I am hoping April is lighter.
7 days: That's how many days Alice went to school in the month of March and one of those days was our Zoo trip. She missed the first full week due to the flu, the next week was Spring Break and then the following week she only got to go to school once due to a nasty plant fire in Deer Park.
To say I was spent is an understatement. I am not sure how I am going to survive summer.
God Bless Fraud Alert: The middle of Spring Break I get a text from my credit card company asking if I just charged more than $900 to GoDaddy. That would be a hard no. So I'm standing in Target with the card people making sure the card gets cancelled. And of course it's the one that all my monthly charges go to because that's how the world works. It takes about a week to get a new card and then I had to go through all the changing over. I *think* I have everything moved over. Time will tell......
New Casting: I've reached the breaking point with 90% of my medical professionals so I am starting all over. ALL OVER!!!!!!
1. I haven't heard from my breast surgeon since November. This does not thrill me.
2. The company that monitors my INR machine has turned off my account again because I have only tested once a month for a few months and my order is for 2. This is also the company that had me throw away 4 boxes of test strips due to a recall and only sent 1 box as a replacement. I mentioned I don't have enough strips and she asked why I haven't mentioned this before. "I have, EVERY TIME I call!" This all means I have to get a new order from my Hematologist before I can speak to them again.
3. I have been trying to get an appointment to see my Hematologist since January only they can't find the referral my PCP sent over. In fact, the 4 times I have spoken to them they have let me know that I haven't had an active referral since 2016. This is not AT ALL the truth since I am diligent and dedicated and put alarms in my phone to request updated referrals because I attempt to be on top of my ish. I have resorted to snapping and impatience EVERY TIME I have spoken to the office. They can't spell my name right and then ask if I'm a new patient. Nope, I've seen him the last 6 years. (Side rant: I called to have my referral for my Hematologist renewed in January and the girl in the PCP office said it expired the day before. I told her I know, that's why I need a new one. She says, "well, it won't be renewal then because it's expired, it will just be a new referral." I might have replied with something testy. JUST DO IT!!!!!
4. My Urologist has retired and my Rheumatologist left the practice unexpectedly. I have seen her twice. That's it. And my prescription is up in about 60 days so I need a new one. Finding a Rheumatologist is lame but it's okay because I didn't like her anyway.
5. I hate my PCP's office. They never have appointments when I need them.
Me "I think I have an infection." Them "the doctor can see you next Thursday at 2pm or you can come in as a walk-in today." Then I sit in the office for about 2 hours to see a PA who inevitably will call me before I make it to the pharmacy with a change because "you are on Coumadin." Yep, I have been for the last 6 years so I'm pretty confident it is in my chart.
Back when I was collecting specialists, my then Rheumatologist (who I loved but stopped taking my insurance) recommended I see an Internal Medicine doctor and not a General Practitioner. She thinks I need someone to look at the big picture and not just the immediate. She is not wrong. I stuck with who I had because it was easy and change is dumb. But I'm at my point of enough so I'm starting over. I've decided to go back to the Kelsey-Seybold system. I am hoping it will make my meeting with specialists and all the testing I have to have done so much easier. I need easier. We will see how it works out.
20 Years: It was 20 years since we lost Dad this past week. 20. I was worried about my state of mind all month. My Beloved brought home some Corona for me and I got through the day with no issues. Sometimes 20 years just feels like a Wednesday. And then on Saturday as I was driving to Book Club, I had to pass the cemetery so I thought I would stop. I cried most of the way there. I hate cemeteries. I never feel closer to Dad when I'm there. I spend more time talking to him in my car when it's just us then I ever would standing over a stone. So much so that I have only been out to his grave a handful of times and I can't remember the last time I stopped in. It has been so long that I had to call Mom and ask her where he was. What kind of daughter can't find her dead dad?!
Sometimes 20 years feels like a Wednesday. And sometimes 20 years, plus a few days feels like the bottom has fallen out again.
This year I've been a bit more angry than I usually have been. Usually when the dam breaks, I am just broken but lately I've been mad at him and his choices. I was dwelling too much a few months ago and in sadness said that if only he had loved me enough to come to my play that night, he might would still be alive. My Beloved said that's a heavy weight I don't need to be carrying.
My Beloved loves me through the breaks. Every time. (As of today, the dam has been fortified and I am in a good place.)
So I'm hoping for a lighter April. One with more school, less medical professional stress and no more random naked men. Although, he did add a break for humor.
Until next time.......
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