A Pinch of Hope

This weekend I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone for something I knew in my heart was important. 

I have been unapologetically vocal about my disgust with those in leadership roles and my disappointment with those who put them there. I share this on social media and in the shirts I wear when I leave the house.

But lately, that hasn't been enough.

Last Friday I decided to see if there was a No Kings gathering in our area and was pleasantly surprised to see one in our little community. I told my Beloved I needed to be there. I texted my like-minded Bestie and her response was an immediate "I'm down." That night we bought markers and made signs. 

I was going outside......

Before we left the house, it was important to me that Alice understood why this was necessary.

We talked about our Freedom of Speech and how the current administration would like to silence those who disagree with them. We talked about how they are trying to manage what stories the Press are allowed to tell. We talked about how they are attempting to erase parts of history that might make us uncomfortable; but these are things that to be learned so we don't accept the terrible treatment of others as being okay. 

Lastly, we talked about the importance of showing up for our friends that do not look like us who are having to worry about being unlawfully detained for the color of their skin. That is not something we have to worry about and it's important to use our voices for them. By showing our outrage at the blatant injustice - we are showing them they are safe with us.

On Saturday, with our signs in hand, we headed to City Hall and joined around 300 people from our community in solidarity that NONE of this okay. The lies. The shutdowns. The disgusting internet trolling done by the freaking leader of the United States - NONE OF IT IS OKAY.

We held signs, waved, blew bubbles, sang, chanted - even when it rained.  

And for the first time in a long time, we all didn't feel so alone.

We stood next to a woman from our neighboring community who was thankful to be able to stand with people who felt the same way she did. 

It's easy to feel like we're crazy. But over 7 million people peacefully gathered to express their anger at where we are heading. 

And for the first time in a long time, I had hope.

Hope that the hate won't continue to win.

Hope that eventually the lies will stop and consequences will happen. (I miss accountability and consequences and checks & balances...)

Hope that communities can live in peace again.

Just.....a pinch of hope.

I'm thankful we attended because now I know I'm not so alone in the immediate space I share with so many. 

Until next time....

My, my, my, my Corona

This post comes from an angry place. This is your warning.

We were careful. We were mindful. We were diligent. 

We have not seen the inside of a restaurant since March. We have been to extremely limited, intimate gatherings in controlled environments with the same circle of people.

We have been paranoid. We have been told we are silly for being so paranoid. We watched as people went about their lives, business as usual. 

A few weeks ago we hugged a family member who has not been as diligent or closed off as we prefer. And they gave us Covid-19. 

4 hours with someone within our circle and it took us out for 3 weeks. 

I pulled Alice from school and transitioned her back to virtual. My Beloved and I had all the lame symptoms associated with the Rona. We are LUCKY things were not worse. 

I made a Facebook post about how I felt Covid has been the worst of all the medical issues I've had to face. I caught some static for it. 

"I'm pretty sure when you were in the ICU was worse, Timberley."

Do you know what I remember about my first several days in the ICU after Alice was born? Nothing. Not a darn thing.

"What about when you were dealing with your boob stuff?" 

While that stuff SUCKED - I could completely function while I was going through it. It didn't knock me on my butt. I could manage my day to day responsibilities.

What was worse about having the Rona was the fact that my number 1 responsibility could not be to heal. I still had to mom and teach and work and take care of a house - while sick.

The post I made to Facebook was done wrapped in a blanket with a fever and watery eyes wearing a mask, sitting on the floor of Alice's room playing raft. Her world didn't stop because we were too sick to manage it. She was understanding but she's also a kid who is TIRED of being locked down. She is a kid who had JUST managed to go back to school with her friends but found herself locked down.....again, missing crucial classroom time.

I also got to deal with the nurse from Alice's doctor's office who spoke to me like I was so irresponsible to allow her to be exposed to the Rona. She made me feel worse on top of worse. "What are you going to do to protect her?!" What would you suggest?! Put my 8 year old up in a hotel for a few weeks?! 

We did THE BEST we could to keep her safe and we are THANKFUL she seems to have missed it. 

I didn't kiss or hug my kid for almost two weeks. That SUCKS. 

The fear was also REAL fun, y'all. 

What if we get sick enough to need to go to the hospital? What happens to Alice?

What happens if Alice gets sick enough to go to the hospital? Who would be there to sit with her?

What happens if this is something that messes with my wonky DNA and it causes me to clot? Do I just get to stroke out with my husband sick in the bed and my kid avoiding math? 

On repeat in my head every day while I was still working. 

My Beloved had a harder time and was down for most of it. We both cannot afford to be down at the same time with a kid in the house. That leaves me.

So yes, this was harder than all the other times I was able to prioritize healing over anything else. 

I have been so angry. 

I am angry we got sick. I am angry Alice missed time in the classroom. I am angry that this seems to not have made a difference in anyone's attitude about being safe during a friggin Pandemic.

I watch people post pictures from restaurants and pumpkin patches and parties and I get so very angry.

I am not willing to risk my health or my family's health again so we will remain cut off from family and friends until this is done unless I know for sure those people have been nothing but careful and masks will probably be involved. 

We've had heavy discussions about what the holidays will look like this year. They will probably look a lot like lockdown but with holiday decorations.

I've heard "don't you trust God to protect you from getting sick?" I trust God to give me common sense during a pandemic and the means and dedication to not knowingly put my family at risk. 

We are happy to be feeling better. We are thankful we did not require a trip to the hospital. It was touch and go with my Beloved's fever! We are even more paranoid about being around people. 

I do not see the end to this any time soon because not enough people are willing to do what it takes to make it stop. 

I also selfishly feel like only the naysayers should end up with it. 

God and I are working on my attitude. Mostly He feels I'm a bit justified in my anger so that's where we currently are.

Until next time.....

March Madness

I feel like the only things I blog about these days are Birthday Letters to Alice and how much March is breaking my spirit. 

So, you know - we're here again.

Only this time the ENTIRE WORLD hates March. And that's comforting!

Only we can't physically get together to lament the suck-a-tude of March because we have to remain at least 6 feet from each other. AT. ALL. TIMES. And that's NOT comforting. 

Alice is getting to do School at Home now which is going as well as you would expect. For the first few days, we did educational games on websites and she had fun! Then we got instructions from the teacher with extensive lesson plans and due dates.

This did not impress Alice. School at Home was fun when it was educational games! Now she has to write?! On her vacation?!

We stressed that it's NOT vacation - it's quarantine, but she is having none of it. If she doesn't have to put her pants on, it's vacation. Period.

I am not a teacher. I do not have a teaching spirit. Or patience. Or a desire to explain anything. These will be trying times......

As of last Tuesday, My Beloved has been home as well.

This is a lot of family togetherness.

I am still working. He is still working. Alice is still in school. Atticus wants us all to leave so he can lay on the couch all day again. 

Today the Governor said Texas schools will remain closed until May 4th. 

Prayer Tree - ACTIVATE!!!! 

So now we will have loads of stories or maybe just the same story over and over again because I'm pretty sure this feels like the movie Groundhog Day.

If I don't come out of this weighing 400 pounds with a drinking problem, it'll be a miracle. 

Until next time......

Treat

In August, we started the AIP (Autoimmune Protocol) diet in an attempt to decrease some of my symptoms and fix my health. Our original research into Granulomatous Mastitis mentioned that the disease sometimes presents with underlying autoimmune issues. I had another scan coming up so I thought it might be good to try.

The first 30 days require you to get rid of anything and everything that would bring you joy. 

No, really.

We bought the Autoimmune Solution Cookbook by Amy Myers, MD. I got overwhelmed reading it so my Beloved read it.

It has lots of information and he finished by saying, "we should try this, it could help you."

So we did.

And the first 30 days were HARD!!!! 

But we did it.

I was never 100% compliant because the shopping list for this diet is stupid expensive. So I did what I could and I avoided all the large items.

I lost 10 pounds which was most likely inflammation. I have been on steroids for almost two years now so I was carrying a lot of extra weight. 

I do not have a hard diagnosed autoimmune issue meaning my symptoms do not check off any of the same boxes for some diseases.

For example, Psoriasis symptoms are easily noticeable. I do not have such symptoms.  

So I am not sure how much it helped my issues. 

The scan still showed diseased tissue - more on that later. 

However, with the weight loss, my blood pressure was MUCH better and the redness in my face was gone. I was no longer itchy all over and my anxiety was SO MUCH BETTER. 

Again, my autoimmune issues are tricksy so I don't know how much they helped but I felt so much better and that made it worth it.

I am not as strict as I was the first 30 days but I am monitoring what I eat much better.

And I miss things. But I've found some substitutions.

I miss cereal so yesterday at HEB we found one that's mostly obedient. And it's not bad!

I've worked occasional caffeine and alcohol back in because I'm human and I have needs.

Some days, I let my guard down and eat like I have no issues and my body calls me all the names in the book and revolts so I try not to forget the next time. 

But I do. Because tacos.

I'm thankful I ordered the book. I'm thankful for a Beloved who went along with it and encouraged me every step of the way. 

And I'm thankful that on most days, I feel better.

Until next time.......

TOO MUCH NATURE!!!

Let's start at the beginning. 

I don't do outside. This garden venture is a complete stretch for me. I do not like outside or all things that live outside. Nope. Not interested. 

Several months ago Tami came to the house. When she does, she parks her car on the street. She comes in an says "hey, did you know there's a snake skin next to where your trash is?" 

Ummm......what?

My Beloved says it's no big deal, it's just the skin, it doesn't look poisonous. 

I freak out. We're under attack. Obviously. 

A week later he says he has to tell me something that's been bothering him. He actually found the snake skin in the garage, not next to the house. "So we're emptying the garage this weekend and covering it in Snake Away, right?!" He knew at the time of finding the skin that we would be unable to completely empty the garage due to some work commitments so he hesitated in telling me.

We spent the next day cleaning the garage. 

Now, fast forward to a few weeks ago. We mentioned needing to put out more Snake Away now that the weather was getting warmer. No big deal, it's an easy weekend chore.

Only I wake up to take Alice to school one morning and the garage smells like a moth ball convention. SNAKE AWAY!!!!

Now I'm in a conundrum. Do I risk entering the garage?! Is it in my car's AIR VENTS!?! (All this stuff happens almost immediately after some crazy news story bounces around social media. Every. Time.)

This is how I handled that conversation:

Notice it took him 10 minutes to respond. We've had a discussion on how much time should go between text responses, especially those relating to dangerous beasts. 

We again checked the garage - no snake. 

And that brings us to today.

Mid morning the birds in our backyard start going berserk. No big deal, this happens a lot, it probably means there is a hawk near by. I walk to the back window and notice two Blue Jays on the fence fussing at something. I look down and see a huge snake moving around a stack of landscaping rocks we have along the fence line. And it looks rather annoyed with the birds. The birds are persistent and the HUGE SNAKE wiggles toward the garage side of our house. 

Side note - I feel like I owe the Blue Jays some bird food. They are WAY more helpful in protecting our backyard than our dog.

Per usual, I text my Beloved. 

He immediately calls and asks the size and color and 'where did it go' questions.

Ummm, no sir. I'm not stepping A FOOT outside! That is NOT my life!! Nope. There could be more! It could be like the plane! SNAKES FALLING FROM THE SKY!!! NOPE!! Everything outside is DEAD TO ME!!! Sorry, garden! You're on your own!!! 

"It went up the side of the house! I don't know where it is!! WE'RE ON LOCK DOWN!! THE HOUSE IS UNDER SIEGE!!!! We're not leaving until it has been proven that it's no longer a threat. And you have to YouTube how to check my car for snakes in the air vents! IT COULD HAVE EATEN THE BABY!!!!" 

God bless my poor Beloved. 

I told him it was big. And brown. And alive. I thought it might be like, 3 feet? I didn't want to say too big because I tend to exaggerate. Whatever.

So he gets home and starts hunting. 

I'm in the front room and Alice comes running. "Momma!! Dada needs you in the garage!"

BINGO!!

Killing the thing was quite comical, snakes don't die easily. A shovel and a scrapper of some sort was used. It started out in a bad spot so getting a good angle of its evil little head was mostly impossibly. Add on Daniel had to balance a stack of boards on his knee the entire time adding to the challenge. 

He manages to get it in a better position, however, then the snake's "flight or fight" instincts kicked in and it started climbing the wall. 

Literally, climbing up the wall. WHY, GOD, WHY???!!!

This all happens on the side of the garage where EVERYTHING is located because life. 

My Beloved eventually knocks the boards out of the way and drags the snake to the driveway. 

The shovel still isn't quite cutting it. Literally. 

So while holding the snake down in the heat, my Beloved asked me to bring him a knife from the bottom drawer of this tool box. "Oh, the bottom drawer, is that where it keeps it's babies, you think?" Him "there aren't any babies." Uh huh. 

Seriously, I attempted to help! I offered no less than 4 times to run to Walmart to buy a gun! 

And of course all of the neighbors arrive home to find my husband beheading a beast on our driveway. We're *those* neighbors.


We also got to have a fun conversation with Alice about the nervous system of snakes. Blessed life lessons. 

It didn't have fangs so Daniel is pretty sure it was just a really large Rat Snake.

Panic mode again.

"DOES THAT MEANT WE HAVE RATS?!?!??!"

Ya'll, this is the WRONG time to be on meds that prohibit me from drinking alcohol. 

THE. WRONG. TIME. 

Until next time.....

A Mermaid, The Muppets, and Me

Let me start by saying that last week I *might* have been a bit on the emotional side. I wasn't feeling well, I had cramps, my computer had eaten my sister's guest list, and I was watching Parenthood so I was a complete basket case. Going into this story, it's important to understand that I was already on a downward slope.

So Wednesday, my Beloved had a huge event at his school. I knew Alice and I didn't have any errands so I just threw on whatever I grabbed from my closet which happened to be my Muppet's shirt. You know, the one where they're walking across a street like the Beatles album cover? That one. 

Around 4ish, Daniel calls and asks if I could bring him my easel and a picture frame because he needs to display directional signs. Sure! So I fight to get the kid in the car. She feels that now that she is 4, it's completely reasonable for her to stay on her own. So the battle was loud. Very loud. Which ended with her saying, "PINE!! I'll put my shoes on! Uggghhhh!" like she's 14. Y'all, 4 is lame. I'm not going to make it. 

I get everything in the car and we head to the school. We get there and start working on this sign in my Beloved's office. My hair is a mess, I'm dressed like a student, I might have eaten a few chocolate pumpkins and therefore smelled liked chocolate, I'm cranky, and I'm feeling a little self conscious. 

And in walks this beautifully dressed, red headed young woman who says, "Hi, I'm Ariel. I think you were looking for me?" (Seriously, she said her name was Ariel and I almost said, "well, of course it is.") She was just so put together! Her hair was long and beautiful and done, like she had time to do it! And her make up was flawless, like she knew how to do it! She was dressed all professional with that look that said, "I'm really busy and important." 

And I'm wearing a Muppet shirt with messy hair and chocolate on my hands. 

It's just what I needed to completely crush my spirit. 

I'm a mess. And there's this whole world out there that is put together. 

These feelings have nothing to do with my Beloved's feelings towards me. 

These feelings have EVERYTHING to do with MY insecurities. My feelings of inadequacy. My self doubt. And it amazes me how easily those thoughts creep in and completely take over, even at 35 years old. Being a girl is dumb sometimes. 

Sometimes the "I'm a mom" job description is discouraging. It shouldn't be! And most days it isn't! But some days it is. Some days when I'm extremely self conscious, I miss my past life. I miss office drama. I miss shoot days. I miss being a part of something 'important'. I miss putting on real clothes and worrying about my appearance. 

I KNOW Alice is THE most important thing ever. My 'mom job' is the most rewarding, is the most important, is where I need to be. And my Beloved sees and appreciates everything I do. 

But sometimes I feel kind of small even when I know it's ALL in my head. 

I got home and called my sister who laughed in hysterics at my meltdown. Everyone should have someone who will laugh at their crazy. It helps! When I know in my heart I am being absolutely ridiculous but my head is dead-set on being irrational, it helps to have someone on the outside recognize it for what it is and hit the reset button. 

By the time my Beloved got home, I was mostly calmed down. When I mentioned the Red Headed Goddess, he said, "she had red hair?" And he meant it because his observation skills are sketchy. And even when my self doubt creeps in, he sees me first. I went on to say, "yes! She walked in, said 'Hi, I'm Ariel. Aahhhhhhahhhhhh! (like Ariel, the mermaid sings)". He said, "Okay, I KNOW she didn't sing!"

She didn't. But that's basically how I remember it. She walked in, her hair started magically blowing around her face like Beyonce, and she started singing. I swear! ;)

I've calmed down. I've settled. And now Ariel is being added to the Alien girlfriend and the Russian Bride. 

I'm thankful my Beloved loves me, messy hair, random hysterics, and all. 

Until next time.....

The Good, the Bad, and the Funny

The Good
Daniel and I started a new diet/workout plan last week. And I am SO proud of us! We are determined!

So far the diet hasn't been very hard and the workouts are actually WORKOUTS. They're only 30 minutes and you switch up which you do every day. I loathe the yoga. LOATHE. I lack the grace and balance needed to execute a yoga move. It's my least favorite. 

We're doing really good! Even when Daniel has to go in early, I workout on my own and he does his 30 minutes when he gets home. We're sticking to the diet which is more about portion control and making sure you're eating the right things. We're trying to make smarter, healthier choices. The challenge has been feeding Alice who thinks brown rice and wheat pasta are the worst tricks we ever played on her. The. Worst. 

In just one week, I was down 5lbs!! I was SO excited! I felt better (sore, but better) and I thought I was looking a little thinner too. I was feeling confident until....

The Bad
Sunday we were at mom's house. An old work friend was coming by to pick up a piece of furniture mom didn't need anymore. We haven't seen each other in years and the first words out of her mouth were, "look at that HUGE belly!"

And just like that - all my good feelings were gone. 

"Nope, it's just fat!"

She felt HORRIBLE and I'm not writing this as a form of further punishment. My intent is not to call her out or make her feel worse. My intent is not to question her friendship or to have you do the same. I had a rough day - this is my outlet. She apologized a million times over and I know still feels horrible about it.

I spent the rest of the day in tears. It's amazing to me how quickly I can crumble when it comes to self worth and self image. I'm such a girl.

I KNOW this is a looooooonnnnngggg process and it's not about the weight as much as it is about being healthy. So this morning, I pushed it extra hard. It was an upper body day. I hope Alice doesn't need picking up. ;) 

Now to the Funny
Months ago, someone on Facebook posted a link about getting free finger print safety kits for your kids. This seems like a responsible thing to do so I clicked on it.

In my defense - it didn't look hinky. It even has a police officer!! There's no asterisk leading to the teeny tiny details you can't see! 

They ask the usual stuff - name, phone number, address. And then they ask to set a time to come to your house. Nope. I'm out.

They eventually start calling. I accidentally answered once and they're very persuasive and THEY ALREADY HAVE MY ADDRESS so I set a time and planned to be out. Worked out great! We had dinner out and we didn't have to listen to whatever they were selling.

All was well.

Until I answered the phone again.

We set another time and planned to be out or just have the lights out. I TELL my Beloved, "That dude with the kit is supposed to be by tonight around 7ish so we need to have the lights out and look like we're not home." Him, "okay."

We eat dinner (stuffed bell peppers) and while I'm prepping other food for the week, he goes out to put air in his tires. I look out the garage door and he has the garage door open and the lights are on. I tell him again, "Daniel, that dude might come by! Close the garage door!" Him,"surely he'll call first and won't just come by."

Ten minutes later, "so Luis is outside, I'm just going to go ahead and bring him in."

Hells bells. 

This kid (he was born in 1990 but wishes he was born in the 80's because he likes that 'older music'. We found out LOTS about Luis) comes in through the garage and kitchen and says, "man! Something smells really good!"
Daniel - "we had stuffed bell peppers for dinner."
Him - "they smell delicious! I haven't eaten all day!"
Awkward me = "do you want one?"
Him - "SURE!"

So I fed him. What else was I supposed to do?! 

He didn't even ask what was in it. Who eats food at a stranger-dangers house without asking what's in it?! He knew NOTHING about us! THIS could be how we lure our victims!! Does no one watch Criminal Minds anymore?! 

Turns out he's selling life insurance only he's a talker and my husband is a talker and it takes about 30 minutes for him to get to the point. He goes through his speech about how we're going to die and wouldn't it be horrible if we were a burden on our loved ones. He mentions funeral/cemetery costs. Daniel says, "she doesn't want a funeral or a cemetery." He asks me what I want. I say, "I'm going to be cremated and put in a Bio Urn. They'll bury me somewhere and I'm going to be a tree."

He had no response for this.

He tried to emphasize that anyone of us could be killed or dismembered at any moment. Such a Debbie Downer.

He talked until almost 9:30. I can't even.

We finally said we'd have to think about it and showed him out. Yeesh. 

We did get a free "safety" kit although we have to do it ourselves. The ad makes you think a responsible authority figure with years of experience finger printing people is going to help you print your unruly child. Nope. Somehow WE have to figure out how to get an unruly, strong willed child to allow us to roll each finger in ink and press to the paper. One. Finger. At. A. Time. Nope.

I'm never answering the phone again.

Until next time....

Healthy Smealthy

My Beloved and I are baby-stepping it into losing weight. We're getting up earlier and walking on our exercise machines while we watch Friends. It's totally lame but we need to do something. I don't want to be a sports fitness-wear model. I don't want to be a size two with bulging arm muscles. I just want my pants to zip. I just want to not look like I'm carrying a child. I got asked by my little cousin if I had a baby in my tummy at dinner the other night. Nope, and now I'm going home to drink my feelings. My Beloved says he looks like he's carrying a child too. I told him he would NEVER get asked when his baby is due. Me, on the other hand.....

So we're starting small.

I say baby-stepping because I am so unprepared to do a complete overhaul of our life that I know we will be unsuccessful. So far, Daniel has been such an encourager and has done well at keeping me accountable. And it SUCKS every morning.

Next month we intend to add a diet to our new routine. Yay. Diets are lame. I know people have been successful on the Whole 30 but it just has SO MANY RULES. And what the heck is ghee?! And Weight Watchers has SO MUCH MATH. See, this is why I'm not successful in regards to losing weight.

I told my Beloved we were having baked potatoes for dinner and then followed that with, "baked potatoes are healthy, right?!"

My Beloved - "NO!! It's a huge carb!"

Well, crap.

They're SO YUMMY! 

And I'm TOTALLY irrational (big surprise) and I think if I walk a mile - I should lose a pound. It's simple math. Only I was never good at math. 

I haven't lost anything. I'm pretty sure I've gained a few pounds. I am hungry ALL THE TIME now and I haven't even started a diet!! 

Maybe this was all a bad idea. 

He feels we have attainable goals.

I want to lose weight before Tami's wedding. That's a year. We can do it. We're not trying to lose twenty pounds in a month. We just want to adjust things so we're healthier. We want to be around for a long time with healthier habits and I want to look better in pictures. That's doable, right?!

Now I'm looking for a diet that we can do and be successful at and not fail. I want to eat food. I cannot eat loads of Spinach and I can't even look at Kale. I have to be extremely careful when it comes to my Vitamin K intake to avoid interference with my blood thinner. And I have a 3 year old to feed. I'd rather not have to make two different meals. 

So I'm searching Pinterest - my Beloved LOVES when I say that - and hoping to find something that will work for us.

But right now I just want cake. Lots and lots of cake. 

We were grocery shopping this past weekend and we found ourselves by the ice cream. (Cricecream - as Alice says it.) My Beloved says we should get some and I look at him like he's crazy. "We're talking about losing weight!" 

Him - "Oh yeah! I forgot."

We decided on getting the little cups so Alice could have some occasionally.

I said, "if you come home and find all the cups empty and my face covered in chocolate - I don't want to hear any judgement."

This is not going to be any fun at all. 

Until next time....

More of His & Hers

This all started because I found a short, white hair sticking straight up at my forehead this morning. It was long enough and white enough to pass off as Atti's only it was ATTACHED TO MY HEAD. So I did what almost any woman in my place would do - I plucked it. I then proceeded to tell my Beloved that when I have a job again, I'm going to cut and color my hair. It's time. He asked me why I don't just let the grey take over. Ummmmm.......hello?! Alice isn't even in Kindergarten yet! I don't need her teachers asking if I'm her grandma! Nope. It's time to start dying it. I'll let it go when she's in high school. Maybe.

A few minutes later as I'm coloring my eyebrows (they've turned blond. Like, white blond.) I add that I'm going to get my eyebrows done when I'm working again too. My "when I'm working" to-do list is lengthy. I then go on to say maybe I'll just buy a box of color and do it myself and dye my eyebrows at the same time. 

This earns an eye roll. 

My Beloved - "Why would you do that?! Maybe you should have someone who knows what they're doing help."
Me - "Fine! I'll get Tami to help. How hard can it be?! The instructions are on the box!"
Him - "When have you ever been good at reading instructions?"
Me - *evil glare & mock shock because mostly he's right. Okay, fine! He is right.* "Oh wow. We're done talking about this."
He laughs. "Well, it's true!"
Me - "Go make your lunch. I'm going to put something of yours on the floor." (This is how his mature, grown wife has tantrums - she puts something of his on the floor.)
Him - "Just as long as it's not my toothbrush."
Me - "Too late!"
Him - "What?!"
Me - "Just kidding. I barely remember which toothbrush is mine and which is yours. Sometimes I just 'eenie meenie miney moe' it." BIG SMILE! 

I'm not sure what he mumbled after that.

I tell him I'm only kidding. He walks back into the bathroom and says it's easy to tell which is his and which is mine. 

Him - "Mine is the simple one. Yours is the complicated one."

That's the story of our lives, ladies and gentlemen. 

Me - "I'm blogging this."

Until next time......

The Dada's Worst Nightmare

*This post is totally TMI territory. This is your warning.*

As parents you constantly play the "what if" game in hopes that one day when the 'what if' presents itself - you have a plan of action already in place. 

What if.....she runs a fever for too long?
What if.....she eats a staple? (DONE!)
What if.....she throws up?
What if.....she poops in the tub?

Sometimes this works in your favor and when a situation comes around, you spring into action and everything works out! However, there are some that you are never prepared for. Ever. No matter how much planning you do. 

That brings us to this week.

On Sunday, Alice woke up and crawled into bed with us. As she was laying there, I heard her start to gurgle and immediately knew she was going to throw up. "Daniel! She's going to throw up!!" We get her sitting up and she throws up a little. Lovely. We get her to the toilet but she's done. She didn't eat much the day before so all she threw up was stomach acid. She immediately asks for milk. I KNEW this is NOT what she needed - at all - but the fit was so spectacular that I said, fine. She did good for about an hour. Then she spewed all over the living room. 

The Dada springs into action! We get the bucket under her chin until she's done and I get her changed while my rock-star husband cleans up the living room. She didn't throw up again, however, every time she got her hand near her mouth, we jumped up - "are you going to be sick?!" Her response every time - "No, I good." Yeesh.

And then there's last night. 

The Dada gives Alice her bath while I clean and get things ready for the next day. As soon as I turn the sink water off, I hear my impatient husband say, "TIMBERLEY! Can you please come here!" Yeesh, hold your horses! I was doing the dishes!

I get to the bathroom and he's kneeling next to the bathtub with his hands up like he's surrendering. "I was doing to the dishes. Is there something wrong?!"

"YES! She has POOPED in the TUB!"

I look over the side of the tub and sure enough, there's a big turd. My immediate response was to laugh. He did not think that was a proper immediate response. My second response was to ask if I could go get my camera. Again, he did not feel this was an appropriate second response either. 

Apparently our child managed to place some in his hand with her question of "wuss at?" before he figured out what was going on and became completely unglued. We get her out and sit her on the counter wrapped in a towel so Daniel can clean the tub. EVERYTHING was scrubbed. While the decontamination was going on, Alice and I discussed where poop goes. It's dirty and it goes in the toilet. To make her Dada even more crazy, she thinks it's cute to say it goes in the bathtub. I'm not sure he's ever bathing her again until we've confirmed she's gone poop already. 

Oh, the joys of parenting!

Now for the part where I brag on the Dada. Y'all, he's not big on germs. He's not Howie Mandel crazy but he prefers clean. He's a dedicated hand washer. He cringes when she puts things near her mouth. A little part of his soul dies when he catches her licking things like the wall in a store or something equally disgusting. And yet he has handled this kid SO WELL. He hasn't fainted or died yet and he still willingly gives her hugs and kisses. I am so proud! Alice won the Daddy Lottery. Bless him.

It took some time to settle after Poop Gate; it rattled the Dada quite a bit. I tried to tell him this is something that happens ALL the time!! It's totally normal.

And then I said, "I know it's cliche but.......$#*$ happens!" 

He didn't find that amusing either. 

Until next time......

Editor's Note: this was published with permission by the Dada. 

A Tisket, A Tasket

Let me start by saying that it cracks me up at the things my Beloved gets worked up about. For this story, it's her Easter basket. 

For Alice's first two Easters, we didn't do too much. We used a small felt frog basket I found in the dollar section at Target; however, this year she needed a little bit larger one for her school's 'Egg Hunt'. We started looking at the beginning of March since we had all month. Our first search was unsuccessful and then March fell apart so we didn't get the chance to look again until the weekend before Easter. This meant we only had 4 to choose from because Hobby Lobby was through with spring and setting up for Christmas again. I jest....a little. The options were diminished regardless. 

Every time I suggested a basket, my Beloved said it wasn't big enough. He wants this basket to be the one she has for years to come. Fine. We find a plain yellow basket that meets his size requirements and might be sturdy enough to last until she's in college, we'll see. But it needs something so I pick out some ribbon and spend a few minutes adding some color. I only burned off two of my fingerprints with the hot glue gun. I'm not sure why I try to craft.

After looking at it again, we decide it's too big to take to school. Her class only has 4 kids including her in it so she can just take her frog basket. 

While we're looking for the basket, we have to get candy which I leave up to the Dada. She NEEDS a chocolate bunny and candy corn and jelly beans and so on. We also pick up a bubble machine, sidewalk chalk and Popsicle molds. I picked up some stupid grass (I loathe Easter basket grass) and load up the basket. I leave a lot of the candy out thinking Daniel got the candy for himself. 

Him: But the candy corn carrot is for her!

Me: She doesn't need candy corn.

Him: but it goes with the chocolate rabbit! Get it, it's in the shape of a carrot!

Me: Oiy vey

So I add the candy corn carrot but I leave out the jelly beans.

Him: But those are for her too! Easter is all about jelly beans!

Me: Uh, I'm pretty sure Easter is about our Lord and Savior dying for our sins!

Him: Try telling the jelly bean people that!

Yeesh.

I load the basket up and show him. 

Him: It looks good! But shouldn't there be more grass? You know, coming out of the sides and stuff?

Yeesh. Again. 

The day before the egg hunt, I decide to get her frog basket ready only I can't find it anywhere. I tore up the house looking for it. It's been on the same shelf for MONTHS until the day before the egg hunt. When Alice gets home from school, I ask her if she can find it. She brings me every frog from her room except the basket. So she went to school with a Sesame Street bucket she got from a friend's 2nd birthday (thanks again, Henry!). I still can't find that frog. 

She didn't really care what was in the basket and got grass all over my grandmother's house. But she was happy!

We LOVED the bubble machine....while it lasted. I'm not sure what she did to it but it only blows one sad bubble at a time now. 

Oh well. 

So, Happy Easter! a little late....

Until next time......

More of His & Hers

My Beloved makes me laugh. 
A little back story - while I was home with a teeny, tiny baby, I got hooked on a show called Supernatural. It's about monster fighting brothers named Sam and Dean Winchester. Dean is dreamy. Now to the story.....

The other morning we were getting ready for school when my Beloved commented on how I filled out a pair jeans. He suggested I drop something at school so I would have to pick it up. (This was all in jest, calm down.) I tell him it's nothing but girls in our class but if I saw Dean Winchester I'd give it a try. As he walked in to the living room I added, "and only if it's DEAN WINCHESTER!! I don't want Jensen Ackles!" (the actor who plays him.) 

My Beloved from the living room, "I don't know what 'bits of apples' means!"

I swear. 

We have a pre-lit fake tree. I hint every year that we might need a new one next year. He's adamantly against it. No vision.

Being the team player I am, I mention I saw something I might want to try. It has little lights and I think we should get a strand of larger lights to add to it! He asks if they make tree-safe lights in such a size. I say, "sure! I saw it on Pinterest!" This garners the usual response, "GD pinterest. How do you know they're not a bunch of liars?!" Me - "how dare you say that about my friend!" This results in an eye roll and a "fine! go find bigger lights." 

Well, we're watching TV and a commercial for a super fancy fake tree comes on and I mention that might need to be the one we get. My Beloved doesn't feel the same conviction. I go on to ask how he can make such a judgement, maybe Martha Stewart has one! His straight-faced response, "is Martha who we need to model? She's a convicted felon - I haven't forgotten."

Yeesh, this boy.

I know, I know.
I know I've been neglecting this little space. Life and school got the best of me. Next semester is shaping up to be a bit different so I should have more time. Here's hoping.

I promise to come back and fill you in on a few things you missed. 

I have two finals and then Wednesday, I'm free! For a few weeks anyway. 

Until next time...

My Parenting Fail

The saying "bad moments don't make you a bad mom" repeats over and over again in my head almost every day. And though I try my best, I KNOW I'm going to fail her. I know there will be moments when I instinctively react to something and later decide it was the wrong reaction. I know these moments are coming.

And last night was the first. The first time instincts and fear took over. And I'm pretty sure I traumatized our child. 

So, here goes...

Last night we were sitting on the couch reading 'Brown Bear, Brown Bear' when I feel something land on my neck. (MY! NECK!) I flick the offending something off only to discover it was a huge tree roach that then lands on the baby's leg. 

And I go BERSERK! COMPLETE MELTDOWN!!!! SCREAMING LIKE A BANSHEE!!! 

"IT WAS ON ME!!!! GET IT OFF THE BABY!!!! GET IT OFF THE BABY!!!!!" Full on tears and total meltdown mode. 

I'm screaming, the baby is crying, my Beloved is swatting at Alice attempting to remove the offending evil and the dog is throwing himself on the outside door because apparently His Man is in danger. My Beloved scoops up the terrified child and hugs his HYSTERICAL wife. Between my Nancy Kerrigan "WHY ME?!?!" sobs, he manages to hand me the baby. I ask him if he got it and he says, "I have to find it first. It got away." 

More tears. More shaking. I'm not cut out for this. I can't be having nasty little evil things land on me. It apparently makes me do totally irrational things like throw them at our baby. I can't. 

I just....can't.....

So I'm bouncing a crying baby while attempting to calm my shaking hands as Daniel looks for the creature. He finds it and it does not survive. Take THAT, you nasty thing! 

I then start to ask "where did it come from? WHERE DID IT COME FROM?!?!" My Beloved says he doesn't know and it doesn't matter.

**Insert crazy eyes here.**

I'm not totally convinced it didn't crawl out of the couch and since my husband was totally against my "BURN IT TO THE GROUND!!!" suggestion, he vacuumed the couch for me. 

The baby eventually calmed enough to sit on the newly vacuumed couch with me but I did notice she kept looking up around the room to make sure nothing else was coming our way. Oops. 

As we're getting ready for bed, Daniel notices something under the bed. He moves it out with his foot and jumps a bit. And again - I lose it. It's just too much. It turns out it was only a pacifier but still. My nerves are spent. S.P.E.N.T. 

We go to bed last night and I'm still shaken. Seriously. It's just so very not okay. My Beloved says, "at least it wasn't a cockroach! Those are nasty!"

Hold the phone. 

EVERYTHING in that sentence is WRONG. That sentence SHOULD read "ALL roaches are nasty and deserve nothing but the fires of Hades." Period. 

While I don't want to project my fears on to her, I will DIE if I ever find her playing with a nasty roach. DIE! 

I thought about not posting this story. It's not my most finest moment. And I'm pretty sure throwing a roach on your child might be considered child abuse. 

My friend, Shani, told me it was more like 'self preservation' and she 'needed something to laugh at anyway'.

So here you go. And now I'm all itchy again.....

Until next time.....

23 Months, y'all

I couldn't decide on one picture so this month gets four.

She will be 2 in just a matter of weeks. WEEKS!!! Can you believe?! 

I put her in her '1' shirt because she only has a month left to wear it. And she starts Mother's Day Out next week, we have a Meet the Teacher meeting on Thursday. 

There are moments I'm not ready. Moments I get so nervous and fretful that I teeter on the edge of saying "NOPE!! Never mind! I was just kidding!!"

But then we have a day where all she wants to do is crawl all over me and I think, "NOPE! We can do this! It's time!" 

And it is. She needs kids and structure and Jesus. ;) 

So the adventure begins....

We had to get her a nap mat for class. I did some internet searching and found some SUPER cute (not so cheap) ones on Etsy. I also found some DIY instructions on Pinterest. I told my Beloved about finding some kinda pricey ones on etsy and he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I go on to tell him I found some DIY instructions on Pinterest and he says, "no! Not happening. How pricey are we talking?" ;)

We found a reasonably priced one on Amazon. I've been putting it in her bed at nap time to help her to adjust to resting on it. It seems to be working!

I have serious doubts she's going to take naps but we have to try!

Hopefully once we get through the next two weeks, I'll get to write more. 

I'm going back to school, that should offer some lovely stories! ;)

Until next time....