My, my, my, my Corona

This post comes from an angry place. This is your warning.

We were careful. We were mindful. We were diligent. 

We have not seen the inside of a restaurant since March. We have been to extremely limited, intimate gatherings in controlled environments with the same circle of people.

We have been paranoid. We have been told we are silly for being so paranoid. We watched as people went about their lives, business as usual. 

A few weeks ago we hugged a family member who has not been as diligent or closed off as we prefer. And they gave us Covid-19. 

4 hours with someone within our circle and it took us out for 3 weeks. 

I pulled Alice from school and transitioned her back to virtual. My Beloved and I had all the lame symptoms associated with the Rona. We are LUCKY things were not worse. 

I made a Facebook post about how I felt Covid has been the worst of all the medical issues I've had to face. I caught some static for it. 

"I'm pretty sure when you were in the ICU was worse, Timberley."

Do you know what I remember about my first several days in the ICU after Alice was born? Nothing. Not a darn thing.

"What about when you were dealing with your boob stuff?" 

While that stuff SUCKED - I could completely function while I was going through it. It didn't knock me on my butt. I could manage my day to day responsibilities.

What was worse about having the Rona was the fact that my number 1 responsibility could not be to heal. I still had to mom and teach and work and take care of a house - while sick.

The post I made to Facebook was done wrapped in a blanket with a fever and watery eyes wearing a mask, sitting on the floor of Alice's room playing raft. Her world didn't stop because we were too sick to manage it. She was understanding but she's also a kid who is TIRED of being locked down. She is a kid who had JUST managed to go back to school with her friends but found herself locked down.....again, missing crucial classroom time.

I also got to deal with the nurse from Alice's doctor's office who spoke to me like I was so irresponsible to allow her to be exposed to the Rona. She made me feel worse on top of worse. "What are you going to do to protect her?!" What would you suggest?! Put my 8 year old up in a hotel for a few weeks?! 

We did THE BEST we could to keep her safe and we are THANKFUL she seems to have missed it. 

I didn't kiss or hug my kid for almost two weeks. That SUCKS. 

The fear was also REAL fun, y'all. 

What if we get sick enough to need to go to the hospital? What happens to Alice?

What happens if Alice gets sick enough to go to the hospital? Who would be there to sit with her?

What happens if this is something that messes with my wonky DNA and it causes me to clot? Do I just get to stroke out with my husband sick in the bed and my kid avoiding math? 

On repeat in my head every day while I was still working. 

My Beloved had a harder time and was down for most of it. We both cannot afford to be down at the same time with a kid in the house. That leaves me.

So yes, this was harder than all the other times I was able to prioritize healing over anything else. 

I have been so angry. 

I am angry we got sick. I am angry Alice missed time in the classroom. I am angry that this seems to not have made a difference in anyone's attitude about being safe during a friggin Pandemic.

I watch people post pictures from restaurants and pumpkin patches and parties and I get so very angry.

I am not willing to risk my health or my family's health again so we will remain cut off from family and friends until this is done unless I know for sure those people have been nothing but careful and masks will probably be involved. 

We've had heavy discussions about what the holidays will look like this year. They will probably look a lot like lockdown but with holiday decorations.

I've heard "don't you trust God to protect you from getting sick?" I trust God to give me common sense during a pandemic and the means and dedication to not knowingly put my family at risk. 

We are happy to be feeling better. We are thankful we did not require a trip to the hospital. It was touch and go with my Beloved's fever! We are even more paranoid about being around people. 

I do not see the end to this any time soon because not enough people are willing to do what it takes to make it stop. 

I also selfishly feel like only the naysayers should end up with it. 

God and I are working on my attitude. Mostly He feels I'm a bit justified in my anger so that's where we currently are.

Until next time.....