Today I got an email informing me my certification program will no longer be offered at the school I am currently registered for classes in due to the career no longer being a 'viable career option.' The program I was 4 classes away from finishing.
And just like that everything we had planned crumbled.
Now I feel like I wasted a year of school on classes I won't ever use or translate to anything I can use.
Now I have to accept that I will have to work outside of the home. I will have a commute. Alice will go to day care. And that's only IF I can find a job.
What do I have to offer? Who will hire me?! I've done nothing but chase a toddler around for the last two and half years.
The doubt and fear is overwhelming.
How could I have been SO wrong? I was told it was a great opportunity! I felt it was where I needed to focus!
And now I am lost.
I'm sad for plans that will never happen. I am heartbroken that a vision we had is no more. Plans we had as a family will have to change. And that breaks my heart.
I am embarrassed that I was so excited for something that now means nothing. I now have to tell people that I went to school for nothing. Those plans I was so happy to talk about are all over. I should have just kept it all to myself. But that's not who I am. That's not what I did.
And now I have to tell people I was wrong. And that stinks. I was SO SURE!!! And yet.
I have to tell people that I'm back to not knowing what I want to do when I grow up. Back to being unsure.
And that just sucks.
I'm also mad. Mad for not being advised differently. I'm mad that they weren't going to tell me - I had to ask.
I'm frustrated because I should have known better. If it sounds to good to be true....
I asked my Beloved if I should avoid blogging about it. He encouraged me to; he said it's my process and it'll help me work through my emotions. And he's right. And he's super supportive and I love him a lot.
And while the train is derailed for now, hopefully we'll find the right track soon.
Until then, I'll keep singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider and sharing ice cream with our girl. Hopefully something will make sense soon.
Until next time.....
3 comments:
Hugs!! And more hugs!! Life is excellent at throwing curve balls. I'm so sorry you got blindsided by this one. I know you feel lost now, but it's not forever. You'll find something else to be passionate about and dive into that just as hard. Can you transfer credits to another school with the same/similar program? Can you apply credits to a related field (same school or different)? If you want to work from home, you can find a way. It can be a totally unrelated field you haven't even dreamed of yet. This is a excellent excuse to try the t-shirt making business! (I'm only half kidding about that.) I wish you lived closer, I would totally sell t-shirts with you.
I know this is horrible for you. You'll look back on this and remember how horrible it was, but you'll also know how this changed your life. I'm also looking for a job after not working full-time for a number of years. It's embarrassing. No one thinks a 60 year old could cut it. I'm sure the worst part is thinking of putting Alice in day care. She'll love it though, but only after making you feel terribly guilty for abandoning her to the masses! Ha. Don't worry. I worried so about having Cora in day care. Then she learned the alphabet in French.
How is it going? Your adoring fans need an update. Love you!
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