Black and Blues

I have a heavy heart. I've had a heavy heart for a while now. You can't watch current events without becoming completely heartbroken. I can't watch current events without thinking. "what legacy are we leaving for the kids? How will they pick up the pieces?"

A few weeks ago, a man was shot by a cop in the front seat of his car while his child was in a car seat in the backseat. I shared something on Facebook from a friend and added my own thoughts. However, my words have since disappeared. (Side note: to the person who reported my words - thank you, this is a much better space to share this. It'll make it much easier to find.) This is my attempt to share them again. It's probably going to be longer though, I have more anger now.  

I was raised by a Police Officer. I understand the fear and stress that goes into the job. I understand the toll it takes on a person and their family. They go out every day and deal with people on their worst day. They meet people who are angry, disoriented, high, hateful, evil - every day. They put on their badge and head out to work, hoping and praying they make it back. This might seem dramatic to you, but this is fact. Any late night call was absolutely terrifying. Any report of 'Officer down' on the evening news meant my mom was staying up until she heard from my dad again. This was our reality. This is the reality of every police family every day. 

And yet, none of this gives any one of them the right to shoot a man sitting in the front seat of his car with his kid right behind him. Period. 

Do I believe every cop is bad? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Some of my most favorite people wear or wore a badge. A badge they treated with respect, responsibility, honor, and duty. A badge they were proud to wear. They swore to protect and serve and they did so to the best of their ability.

Do I believe cops should be routinely evaluated for stress and retrained on issues that might come up? YES!! A MILLION TIMES YES! What they do is hard. What they do is dangerous. The amount of stress they face could cause anyone to break. This isn't a failure on their part. This is just consequences of the job. 

Do I believe the cop who shot Philando Castile did the right thing? $#%% NO!! How he reacted was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. I do not care what the man said. I do not care what he did last week. Last month. Last year. Last night. I do not care. NOTHING he did led to him being killed in front of his child. And I am absolutely disgusted with the surrounding officers who stood around and failed to render aid. They took an oath to SERVE and PROTECT their community. And they all failed and should all be held accountable. 

You cannot watch the news and not understand that there IS a problem. And if you don't see it - you are probably white. One of my dearest friends is raising two young black men. What is she supposed to say to them? How do you raise a child to respect the police knowing that their respect might not be enough in the end? How must it feel to know that in a few years when her son is older, he might face scary situations from those sworn to protect him?

I know these situations were terrifying. I know there was fear on all parties. I know there was anger on all parties. I also know that probably they didn't all have to die. Seriously. 

I have never had any trouble any of the times I have been pulled over. I never feared that I could be or would be shot because I moved too fast or not fast enough. But I'm white, so.....

I spent an entire day crying for this family. Crying for a broken world. Crying for a broken child. Just crying.

And then the next day, 5 Dallas cops were killed doing what they signed up to do - protect. 

It wasn't revenge - these men did nothing wrong. These men were gunned down for simply putting on a badge and going to work. That's it.

And again, my heart broke. The same heart that broke for a man shot in his car, broke for families that would NEVER be the same. Families that would have a uniform officer show up to their door and life as they knew it would be over. 

They will spend the rest of their lives in mourning. Trust me. 

Now Baton Rouge. More families devastated. More children left without. More innocence lost.

All for nothing. 

This is not the answer.

Hate doesn't fix hate. 

Fear doesn't fix fear. 

Avoidance doesn't mean it isn't real. 

Saying "Black Lives Matter" doesn't mean you are saying "ONLY Black Lives Matter." It's saying, right now they need to know we love them. They need to see it. To feel it. To understand that to us, THEIR lives matter. We see you hurting. Tell us how to help. 

Saying "Blue Lives Matter" doesn't mean you are siding with all of the injustices that seem to be happening. It's saying that the men and women who swore to protect and serve my community should understand that we get it. We see you. We need you. We understand the stress and responsibility you carry with you every day. We see you hurting. Tell us how to help.

I see you hurting.

Tell me how to help. 

That's what they should see. 

Until next time.........