B is for.....

...Boob.

One dumb boob.

A little over a month ago, Alice spent some time under my right arm with her heavy head resting on my right boob. The next morning I woke up and it hurt. I noticed a line of swollen something in my right breast. I thought it was a muscle and tried not to sleep on my right side (which is how I ALWAYS sleep) and I tried not to exercise or upset it more. I even rubbed muscle cream on it to try to help alleviate the pain. 

I googled stuff. I didn't have any of the more usual symptoms of cancer. I worried it could be a blood clot but I'm on blood thinners and I stay therapeutic for the most part. In my world, if it's something not right - it's a blood clot. I questioned whether or not I needed to go to the doctor for it. I thought it was a muscle! Most of my medical charts are substantial - I don't want to have "sprained boob" added to any of them. Seriously. How lame would that be?!

But after a month, it was still there and the panic started to set in so I scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN. 

I had to wait for over an hour to see her so by the time I get to the room, I'm a complete wreck. While the nurse is checking vitals my doctor comes in and asks why I'm there. I immediately start crying. The nurse said she would come back for the blood pressure. Spoiler alert - it didn't do any good to wait on that. My doctor does an exam and says it's not a muscle and that she's calling her Breast Surgeon to try to get me in that day. 

Enter COMPLETE FREAK MODE. SURGEON! TODAY!

They confirm that the other doctor can see me and they send me down to her floor. I'm sure they told me her name but I heard nothing but "7th floor" so I just walked around until I read something that said 'breast' on the door and went in. 

I picked up a new 'ologist' - Boobologist. Technically 'Surgeon' but 'ologists' are what I collect. New nurse, new vitals check. To say my blood pressure was within normal limits would be a lie. And so I also get orders to go back to my Cardiologist. 

The surgeon looks at things and feels around and orders a mammogram and an ultrasound. She thinks on a scale of 1-10, my Freak Mode level should be at a 1.5. I like her. She's quirky and straightforward and thorough. 

The next week I got to have a baseline mammogram, a diagnostic mammogram, and an ultrasound. And then I bought ice cream and more wine. 

This is my side rant about mammography machines. THEY ARE THE DUMBEST DESIGN EVER!! Seriously! There HAS to be a better way! Forget walls or Russia or other planets. THIS should be what's important!!! FIND A NEW WAY, WORLD!!!  I walked away with 2 sore boobs instead of 1.

Everything looks normal. They just look like boobs. Apparently I have extremely dense breasts. The Radiologist mentioned this several times. I'm not sure if I was supposed to respond with "thanks" or 'I'm sorry." 

While everything on the imaging tests look good, there is still something there so we're scheduling a surgical biopsy to be sure. There is only a 10% chance it is something troublesome. I wish she would have said 2% but we don't know each other that well yet. 

I'm hoping this is a just a really expensive way to find out my dense boobs are extra sensitive and I take longer to heal than others. We'll see.

So now I'm waiting on medication instructions from my Hematologist and the surgery schedule from my Boobologist. 

Ironically enough, my blood pressure was decent at today's Rheumatologist appointment! So either I've come to terms with things or my anti anxiety essential oil regimen is working today. Whichever, I'll take it! 

Fun side story. I had my follow up appointment yesterday and while I was in the waiting room, the news was on. They were doing a story on some HPD officers who were involved in a shooting. They were talking about how one of their daughters was flown down to be with him. She was escorted to the airport by Boston PD, flew free thanks to American Airlines, and picked up and escorted to her dad by HPD. Y'all. My eyes are filling and I'm looking EVERYWHERE for the stupid remote thinking, "SHHHHHHH!!!!!! They haven't checked my blood pressure yet!! I DO NOT NEED THESE EXTRA FEELINGS!!!" Cops and their kids - they get me every time. 

So now we wait. 

And this isn't meant to scare or incite sympathy. That's not my goal. This is just my outlet. My way of organizing my thoughts and remembering the details. My way to find the funny amidst the stress. 

I'm thankful I finally went in. I'm thankful Dr. Miltenburg is being extremely thorough and hasn't diminished my feelings or my thoughts. And I'm hopeful this will be over soon. 

Until next time......

PS: Never in a million years did I think I would be blogging about boobs. Yeesh. It's just so unladylike! ;)