Grrrrrr.......Why is it that Family has the ability to make you SO RAGEY but you have to love them anyway?! (This will be a venting blog - you've been warned.)
My Father's family lives in Louisiana. And I can count on ONE hand the amount of times they've been to Houston to visit us. And I don't hold this against them! There are more of them then there are of us so it's easier for us to go there. It's tradition that we spend Thanksgiving with them. We've only missed a few years due to other obligations but this year was the first year I refused to go. Apparently the older I get - the more persnickety I get. They've made NO effort to visit me. None. Zero. They always want me to visit them but have never said "hey, we want to come see your house" or anything like that. It's always take with them and never give. Well, my Give has Gone Out.
Enter the Rage.
While I can count on ONE hand the times they've visited my mother, I know they've been to Houston more times then that. Because they post pictures on Facebook and we're all friends. Classy! "Hey - here's pictures from our trip to Houston WHEN WE DROVE BY FAMILY BUT DIDN'T CALL!" Seriously?!?! That seems rude to me. Why would you drive over 4 hours and not call your family while you're there?! And then proceed to repeatedly ask that they come to you. Maybe I'm just being selfish.
This started with our wedding. They canceled two days before. There was a hurricane and they didn't want to get stuck away from home. A little part of me could understand. But the bigger part, the part that recognized they were the only living representation of my Father didn't. And still doesn't. If the roles were reversed, I would have driven through a hurricane to get there. And knowing I wasn't important enough and my father wasn't important enough - breaks my heart. Still. And I can't really stand to be around them. It breaks my heart all over again every time I see them. I've been to all their weddings I was invited to. Every one. And when I needed them to be there for me - I was let down. And I'm done.
Maybe I need to work on my forgiveness this year. Just let it go and all that stuff. Maybe they'll come across this and defriend me so I won't have to see their recent trip to Houston. And maybe I'm just being a selfish brat.
But then again, maybe not.
Until next time...(when my heart rate goes back down...)
2 comments:
Oh, honey, you're not being selfish! Relationships are meant to go two ways. It's heartbreaking when they don't. Especially when it's something you really want to work.
My experience, of course, is different, but there are some relationships I have nearly lost. It's been a gradual process of acknowledging when I've done all I can do for the relationship, learning to let, learning to forgive, and learning to invest my energy/time into the relationships that build me, not into the ones that tear me down. I'm pretty sure I have to revisit these reminders in my head far too often still, but the "visits" get further apart. I definitely miss those relationships! I wish they would have worked out. I truly do. At this point, I'm committed to leaving the door open for them and that is all. Should they choose to re-invest, I will offer open arms to them!
That was long and rambly. Hope you got some empathy out of it.
It's not rambly! I'm thankful for the encouragement.
It's frustrating when you constantly give but nothing is reciprocated. I've decided if you're the only one doing the work - it's probably not worth it.
Thanks Dana!
Post a Comment