Tuesday, I met with my Rheumatologist for my routine 6 month check in and blood work. I'm an unusual patient because I'm low maintenance. The medication I'm taking seems to be keeping my symptoms at bay so we usually just get to visit.
The appointments are always very entertaining. First, they weigh you. Every time. I think this is a bit unnecessary. I get on the scale, it blinks and then says "E". I'm pretty sure this is not the first time I've had this happen. E as in Elephant. E as in Enough. I look at the nurse with raised eyebrows. She says it's because I'm wiggling. I tell her if it does it again she's going to have to guess my weight and find me a bag of powered doughnuts. And THEN she takes my blood pressure, which is a little elevated. "Do you have new stress?" asks the nurse. Well, let's see, a few hours prior to this appointment I took my very first A&P test. And let me tell you, I did the review sheet, studied all 8 pages over and over again all weekend and I walked in to the test and recognized the title of the test....and that's about it. Seriously. It's like I studied Spanish for a German test. It was one of those that you look at the first question and think, "oh okay, so we're going to wing it!" Yep. I could have stayed for the grade - no thank you - and instead prayed for a 'c'. (I got a 70, by the way. I have never been so happy to see a 70 in my life! The girl next to me got a 34.) And the nurse is asking if I have new stress. Add to that a study group from Hades and it's a wonder it wasn't higher.
Anyway, the doctor didn't seem concerned. She has a son around Alice's age so we share survival skills. She will openly admit that she is the mom who let's her child have whatever he wants. She said she learned early that if she wants to make it to 40, he has to get what he wants. No matter what. He wins. He has broken her.
And I find this horribly encouraging.
This well educated woman, this medical professional is felled by a toddler.
See, it happens to everyone! Isn't that great to know?!
Toddlers - they just break you.
Alice + 2 = momma is going to need LOTS MORE WINE. Her tantrums and dedication and expression of her feelings have tripled. And I've adjusted REALLY quickly to having her in Mother's Day Out. So much so that on Monday's when it's just us all day, by noon I'm spent. SPENT. Yeesh.
Wednesday, we met with her doctor for her 24 month well baby. She is 33.5 inches tall and weighs in at 23.5 pounds. She doesn't seem to care for the medical professionals AT ALL, however, she LOVES the dog photos they have in their exam rooms.
I have mixed feelings about this.
On one hand, I understand kids grow at their own pace. And I KNOW she knows words. She responds to direction, she knows what you're telling her and she knows who people are by name. A part of me knows she'll talk in time and there's nothing to worry about.
But there's a little, very quiet part of me that worries I've failed her. It's just a tiny voice, but it's there. "Maybe I don't read to her enough." "Maybe I should not give in and MAKE her say please." Although we've had this battle and her will is strong where mine is weak. I'm not interested in having a staring contest with a toddler over the word 'open'. I know this is misplaced guilt I've created myself but that doesn't mean it isn't mine.
I spent my elementary education going to speech a few times a week because I struggled with my 'r' sounds. It's not embarrassing. it just is. It was nothing my parents or teachers did wrong. It was just something I struggled with. So it's irrational for me to think her aversion to words is somehow my fault. It's actually probably selfish too. But there it is.
So I get to work on my A&P grade and Alice gets to work on her words. We'll see how it all works out.
Until next time.....
2 comments:
If I were in your shoes I'd have the same guilt and the same worries. I think I'd also take her to see if someone could give me advice on helping her further too. There is nothing wrong with her, but everyone needs a little help every now and then and that's totally healthy. I text my doc pictures when K has a mild rash, I freak out when other kids in his class can count to 20 without mistakes, and I feel terrible guilt that he "was mean to all his friends" at school last week and spent an hour in the office (he's three and was sent to the office!) drawing mommy a picture because I was on travel and he missed me. Being a parent is hard.
:( Being a parent IS hard! Hang in there!
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